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bigdee · Aug 5, 2008, 08:39 PM

Thanks bigbird. I still feel a little bad since I did promise her way back that I will help her out for awhile until she gets her feet wet but I thought she'd be a bit more aware of not abusing it and that she would be a bit more appreciative of what I am doing for her. I don't know if she is trying to be all non-chalant trying to play it cool or follow NC by avoiding me as much as she can but I just can't live like this, obsessing about it anymore. She may be a little upset but I have to focus on me.

This board has tons of great advice. Too bad it is so hard to follow when you don't keep control of your emotions. But I'm gettin' there...

bigdee · Aug 5, 2008, 08:42 PM

Originally Posted by friend4u178

Can she transfer the funds into your account?? , that negates having to meet up with her.

I suppose she could just mail me a check. But just having this joint account is a reminder of her and just getting the bill reminds me of her and causes grief. Recent events is proving to me that she really is moving on and I need to also and give up on false hope. And the biggest example of cutting loose that false hope is cutting her loose from my account.

friend4u178 · Aug 5, 2008, 08:45 PM

I agree with you closing the account , I just meant for the money she owes you now.

bigdee · Aug 5, 2008, 08:51 PM

Originally Posted by friend4u178

I agree with you closing the account , i just meant for the money she owes you now.

I'm not even going to bother. I don't care anymore. I'll just chalk it up as expenses for lessons learned...

friend4u178 · Aug 5, 2008, 08:52 PM

Originally Posted by bigdee

I'm not even going to bother. I don't care anymore. I'll just chalk it up as expenses for lessons learned....

LOL... good for you , I love your attitude :)

Stringer · Aug 5, 2008, 11:12 PM

I think you came to your senses quite quickly my friend... we are proud you are a member here... (applauds).

Stringer

bigdee · Aug 6, 2008, 05:53 AM

Thanks Stringer! Though I don't know if 3 months is coming to my senses quickly LOL! :)

Romefalls19 · Aug 6, 2008, 06:04 AM

I would definitely close the account, I agree with you 100%

bigdee · Aug 7, 2008, 05:33 AM

Originally Posted by bigdee

But when I followed up with her on when to meet, she said she is not sure, that this weekend she is busy and she is really stressed out. I said what about Friday and she said that she is often tired from work and doesn't have the energy to meet me but maybe she will think about it and if she feels like it she will let me know.

Well she thought about it and decided she is too tired, stressed and feeling a little sick to meet me around the corner at a Starbucks from where she is living for 15 minutes. She says she needs to "relax" instead even though I told her I need to work something out with our account ASAP. Nice. I wanted to explain politely that I need to cancel the account for my own good and that I sympathize with her stress and that I feel bad that this is a bad time to do this to her. Well I guess I will just have to leave a message and tell her I am canceling it ASAP and too bad. I can't believe I spent so much money and effort to help her out for this long and I can't even get 15 minutes. I am furious!

N0help4u · Aug 7, 2008, 05:53 AM

I agree you need to close the account. She is taking advantage of the situation. She agreed to meet you and give you some of the money but she can't be there for you and keep her word. She is taking advantage of you and she should pay every penny that she went over what you had agreed to... and then some!
Tell her that since she can't be bothered meeting with you and giving you what she owes you you can no longer be responsible for her bill and you are having your name taken off the acct and the bill closed out. Make sure you get your name off the joint acct before she finds more ways to ruin your credit.

bigdee · Aug 7, 2008, 06:02 AM

N0help4u - I know I will sound horribly naïve when I say this but I am almost positive that she isn't intentionally taking advantage of me. She really is an emotional and sensitive person and lets stress and feeling a little sick really wipe her out. Also she isn't the type to ever intentionally take advantage of someone and I am near certain she really does intend to pay me back at least some money. That's why I am still a little sad to cut her off but I am really sad and upset that her effort level on this is really abysmal. When we were together, we braved all sorts of tiredness, sickness, distance to spend some time together. I definitely feel taken for granted that's for sure and why I need to cancel this thing which is causing me all sorts of emotional grief (it's not even about the money anymore and I can care less about getting a cent back from her now)

Thanks for listening.

N0help4u · Aug 7, 2008, 06:07 AM

Yes she most likely isn't intentionally taking advantage of you but her getting a free ride at your expense IS taking advantage.

bigdee · Aug 7, 2008, 08:31 AM

I see that thread about creating an open letter to your ex. I want to do the same except I want to really send it to her. I have always been nice to her and never really gave her my true feelings of frustrations. Put of the reason was I wanted to "keep it nice" in hopes that she'll want to come back to me. I am finally severing all ties and I want to let her know what she put me through. Not be nasty but she never fully understood what I felt. I think she needs to know. So maybe she can correct some of her behavior. I know most suggest to not send it, but I want to. Bad idea? I think it will help move on for me to be honest... get off my chest to her. I don't care if it shows to her I am still all emotional over her because I don't plan on seeing her ever again.

Should I send it?

jjwoodhull · Aug 7, 2008, 08:40 AM

I think sending it is a bad idea. I letter from you is not going to make her change her behavior. She's only going to think that it is criticism from a bitter ex boyfriend.

Write the letter. It will make you feel better. But don't send it. It will be something you can never take back.

Romefalls19 · Aug 7, 2008, 08:47 AM

No you shouldn't, the letter will accomplish nothing. May even get a return to sender, if she even gives it that much thought. Trying to guilt her into coming back is like a last ditch effort your trying. This is just another attempt at breaking no contact, don't waste your time. Write the letter, put it in a box and let it be done

JBeaucaire · Aug 7, 2008, 08:52 AM

Nope.

bigbird213 · Aug 7, 2008, 09:50 AM

Bigdee,

Is it perhaps that you are still feeling a little bad about this because you are finally realizing that the hope you have been holding onto is gone? Not because you think she might pay you back, or she isn't doing it on purpose, but because you don't want to let go but are realizing there is no other choice??

I think that you are finally coming to realization that you need to move on and get rid of this last link between the two of you. No matter what her intentions, feelings or motivations, you need to do what you need to do FOR YOU and move on...

Glad to hear your thinking rationally...

talaniman · Aug 7, 2008, 03:14 PM

Send it here instead!!

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...es-154321.html

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...-ex-60729.html

bigdee · Aug 7, 2008, 07:27 PM

Well I wrote the letter... felt good... but I will take everyone's advice and not send it. I was thinking of posting it in the links Tal posted above but I got carried away and wrote so much I don't think I could fit it!

Anyway thanks again for the support everyone...

bigdee · Aug 7, 2008, 07:38 PM

Originally Posted by bigbird213

Is it perhaps that you are still feeling a little bad about this because you are finally realizing that the hope you have been holding onto is gone? Not because you think she might pay you back, or she isn't doing it on purpose, but because you don't want to let go but are realizing there is no other choice???

I originally didn't think so... but I actually dug deep down into my tangled mess of feelings and realized that you are right... LOL I am not as noble as I thought!