[MylieStylie08]

I am 38 years old, and have been living with terminal stage 4 cancer for 5 years. I have been married to my husband for 12 years, but have known him since I was 18. He has been through thick and thin with me, always above all else, he has been a friend. When I got cancer, his role became that of a caregiver, and our sexual relations are almost non existent.
About 3 months ago, I started chatting online with a man from London, and things quickly developed into a flirting and attraction to one another. At first it was very innocent, though it gave me a thrill, but with time it has become what feels like an actual relationship that I am having outside of my marriage, and although no physical contact has been made, we have talked about meeting.
I am so torn, because I DO love my husband, but I am also falling in love with this other man, and he is falling in love with me too.
What should I do?

[HarajukuGirl]

"Never leave someone you like, for the one you love, because the one you like will leave you for the one they love"


Your husband as been with you through everything.
This man, who you met online, who tou probably don't know enough about, si not going to give you the same love and care your husband brought you.


Your chosing Lust over love, the way I see it.

I don't think its worth to leave your husband, for a man you met online.

Think about this...
You chose him to be your husband out of EVERYBODY in the world. You could have been married to ANYONe, but you two chose each other.

When something special like that happens, you don't let it go.

My advice, try to bring your relasionship with your husband back.
Try to tell him, as much as you love him being a caregiver, you also want him as a husband. Go out on dates, do fun things together, talk more about each other.

I don't think its love that you feel from the internet guy. You say that you and your husband's sec life has been brought down? Well that probably means he isn't flirting with you. So now that you found a man who is flirting with you, you think you like him because yo uare getting a certain type of attention from him.

I think its all physiological.

[JBeaucaire]

If your libido is the most important thing, if that's what you've learned in the last few years of your life, then fine, go right ahead. Cheat, or leave your husband.

On the other hand, your reawakening libido COULD be seen as a sign that things aren't dead in that department and your husband could be given that information. Fully. All of it, including the pen pal your starting to be attracted to.

Tell him, and then tell him you'd love to reclaim that part of your relationship. No pressure, just let him know where you are in your life right now. At least that's honest. Right?

[sylvan_1998]

I can so totally relate. I have an exboyfriend whom I told my husband I would always be friends with BEFORE we were married. This guy is also married. We get in touch with each other about once every two to three years. We talk about old antics and push the conversation every time until we too are in a situation that does not feel faithful and then we leave. It reawakens something in both of us which we take back to our spouses. This time however, he is not leaving and I am having to pull in the rules of what is acceptable and what is not. I have no intention of cheating on my husband, leaving my husband and I tell my husband when he is in touch with me. I do not give him all details but I do tell him the gist of what our conversations are. Then we talk about what I am getting from this and work on getting me that in our relationship. He usually benefits from these times as I am sure he has figured out.

I do not agree it is only lust. Part of it is there is someone with whom you feel desirable and that really feels good. There is someone with whom you have not had that first long awaited first kiss with. Anticipation. That is a great feeling too. But remember you will be old hat sooner or later with the new guy too.

What I think you should do is to take some of this back to your husband. Tell him the truth, tell him how it started and tell him that this is not what you want. Tell him it is a great feeling to know you choose him. This has made you re-examine everything and all is awesome except for what you want to work on. Then get someone to work on it with you. A book of some new ideas, a sex therapist, etc. Hopefully he will appreciate the honesty, tell you what is missing for him also, and you can make a fuller relationship with the man that has stuck by you through thick and thin.

[smokedetector]

Does the guy on the internet know you have cancer? Regardless, your husband is your friend and supports you, and that is something you are going to need for the rest of your life. Perhaps your husband just doesn't know that you are okay with sex now. Give him a chance. You know your husband better than this new guy, and if you leave your husband for him, and something happens between you two or you weren't what each other expected, you will be left alone, with no one to take care of you or satisfy your other needs. I think you're not giving your husband a snowball's chance in hell to help you with your desires. He probably has desires that he has ignored for your sake. Talk to him, and stop talking to this other guy. You don't want to die with that on your conscious, do you? Best of luck.

[Fr_Chuck]

You block the email address, say one good bye that you are devoting to your husband, and drop the online romance for your real husband who has been there for you and is the one that deserves all that attention