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Mariesa · May 7, 2008, 09:20 AM

I've had a lot of things going on in my life, but the one thing that remains consistent is the "sleeping arrangements" that me and my x have. We always told each other that if we weren't with anyone else that we would sleep together. We have the best sex life, he knows my body and I know his, its always exciting and always great.

One thing that's really starting to bother me is the fact that he wants it "dirty" all the time. I am very comfortable with him and we have had sex any and every way possible. Sometimes I just feel like he wants me to be his personal porn star. Every time we have sex its like I have to talk dirty to him, and give him anal. If I don't he gets turned off and he can't finish. He always tells me that my body is his body, and his body is mine, and that no one else can have me, but the simplest thing pisses him off. Keep in mind that we aren't together... He likes long hair and I had long hair up until 2 months ago. When he called me for our "booty call" he got mad and said that he hated my hair, and he was totally turned off and not to come back until my hair grew back. He was dead serious after that day he didn't call me for like 3 or 4 weks.

I have tried to move on sexually from him but no one can satisfy me like he does and he tells me the same thing. This is why we keep coming back to each other. While I want his body I don't want him to just see me as a " peice of " sometimes I want to make love and be gentle and romantic but he's not so much into that. We do have history, we were together for 4 years, and we have a 2 year old daughter together, so in that sense I know I'm not just any other girl, but I just want to know from a man's point of view does he see me as special or different or am I just there for his own personal needs?

Synnen · May 7, 2008, 10:16 AM

Um... if he's not giving you what YOU need, but YOU are giving him what HE needs... you're a booty call.

If it were special, he'd give as much as he takes.

kp2171 · May 7, 2008, 01:15 PM

Uhm... why does it matter if he is using you or you are special? He's passive aggressively shoving you into sex you don't want. Or becoming flacid and of no use to you when he doesn't get his way. So stop it. If you can't control what you allow to happen to your own body, you need to take that control back... even if he is familiar, fantastic, and phallically phenomenal.

My mates good friend has fantastic sex with her ex. It's the one good thing they seem to do well together. No matter how bad the rest of the world is, when they close the bedroom doors the chemistry is, apparently, unbelievable.

She's been doing this for a dozen years. And now, she's getting older, she's distracted, and she's no closer to finding a mate who can care for her than she was back when they first started this arrangement of convenience. She is spending attention and energy on another man that she has no business being with... and I'm not talking from a moral standpoint. They just aren't going to be together... and yet they keep stringing it along due to the sex.

So... if you don't like how he's acting and you don't like what he's demanding... it just isn't that great of an arrangement.

The ex I was with before my wife... I could get her off like flipping a light switch. Part of it was she really was that easy to get off... her body was the most responsive I've ever seen, so it wasn't necessarily excess talent on my side... and she could please me every time as well... it was great to feel that connected. I get that.

But you are at a point where he is mentally and emotionally screwing with you while he's using you. Sure... having your history, I'm sure he feels more connected to you than any girl he might pick up for a one night stand... but he's still using you for sex he wants and you don't enjoy.

If I weren't married and my ex called me up for a great night in the sack and acted like that... I just don't see how itd be worth it.

N0help4u · May 7, 2008, 02:57 PM

Sounds like it is all about the sex and you have nothing else in common. I agree with KP
If that is all you have in common, unless you are content with nothing but, you will one day wake up and wish you had somebody you could share a life with besides the sex.

progunr · May 7, 2008, 03:06 PM

I'm sure that having a child together has more bearing here than you let on.

I have to echo the other posts here, someday, you will be older, and I'm afraid, alone.

While this arrangement may help keep the father of your child around, it really is not good for you or the child given your description of the "relationship", or lack thereof.

Your daughter is 2, and she is already picking up more from the two of you than you can ever imagine, is this the example you want her to follow?

I don't know how, but you need to put a stop to this, sooner than later.

Xrayman · May 7, 2008, 04:21 PM

Okay he is using you and "thinks" he has first rights over your body-he sounds like a kinky nutbag-move on he will become your stalker, judging by the way he talks and acts-your daughter needs to be shown that a man/father figure is loving and caring not a part-time dead-beat dad. The sex is "good" yet you hate the kinky/ dirty and anal-sounds like the sex is not that good FOR YOU!

Find another protective loving partner and stop being his 'ho as that is how he is seeing you at this time...

Sorry for the wake up call, but at least it's better than you being his booty-call!

Cheers

Choux · May 7, 2008, 04:23 PM

Where's your self-respect, girl, he's treating you like a whore!

Right now, you don't need a "dirty" sex life!. you need to get some therapy to build up your self-esteem. And, you need a circle of good friends who can meet your emotional needs in a positive way... makes it easier to leave this abuser behind-permanently.

You have a child; you have to model how a successful and happy woman handles her life so she will have a head start on growing up in a mentally healthy manner. His shameful treatment of you is already wearing you down and clouding your thinking.

You can do it; you can put together a life that has a potential for happiness and joy... you don't have to live this misery one more day.

Best wishes in 2008, you deserve it. :)

MC12545 · Jul 2, 2008, 04:47 PM

Originally Posted by Mariesa

I've had alot of things going on in my life, but the one thing that remains consistant is the "sleeping arrangements" that me and my x have. We always told each other that if we weren't with anyone else that we would sleep together. We have the best sex life, he knows my body and I know his, its always exciting and always great.

One thing thats really starting to bother me is the fact that he wants it "dirty" all the time. I am very comfortable with him and we have had sex any and every way possible. Sometimes I just feel like he wants me to be his personal porn star. Every time we have sex its like I have to talk dirty to him, and give him anal. If I dont he gets turned off and he can't finish. He always tells me that my body is his body, and his body is mine, and that no one else can have me, but the simplest thing pisses him off. Keep in mind that we aren't together.... He likes long hair and I had long hair up until 2 months ago. When he called me for our "booty call" he got mad and said that he hated my hair, and he was totally turned off and not to come back until my hair grew back. He was dead serious after that day he didnt call me for like 3 or 4 weks.

I have tried to move on sexually from him but no one can satisfy me like he does and he tells me the same thing. This is why we keep coming back to each other. While I want his body I dont want him to just see me as a " peice of " sometimes I want to make love and be gentle and romantic but he's not so much into that. We do have history, we were together for 4 years, and we have a 2 year old daughter together, so in that sense I know I'm not just any other girl, but I just want to know from a man's point of view does he see me as special or different or am I just there for his own personal needs?

UMmm. You are just a sex toy to him. Sorry to put it so blunt. I think that you both are too sexually involved with each other. Just get out of it before he hurts you more than what you already are.

ylaira · Jul 2, 2008, 04:57 PM

He's just happy with the way things are...

kp2171 · Jul 2, 2008, 05:22 PM

Originally Posted by ylaira

He's just happy with the way things are...

Or just be happy you have free will to CHOOSE what you want in life.

Be happy with how things are? That she's with a controlling, mean-spirited person who is wasting her time?

m'kay I guess. I expect more for and from myself than to just "be happy with how things are"...

weasel7023 · Jul 4, 2008, 06:41 AM

I dated a girl for seven years. Started with a date, sex the same night. We ended up living together for 5 years with her in love with me a whole lot more than I was in love with her. At the end of our relationship when I finally came clean, I never got thanks for the great sex, never got thanks for the good times together but I got a huge thanks for wasting 7 years of her life. I though about it, apologized and still to this day regret not coming clean earlier in the relationship. Sex does not create love and love is imperative in a good relationship that is not sexually driven. Therefore, you are missing out on the best part of life; a loving relationship in trade for an occasional hour of good sex.

smoothy · Jul 7, 2008, 09:47 AM

You are a sure booty call. Plain and simple. And you must like it because you allow it to happen and in fact by your own admission, you like it or you would have moved on. No all guys are duds in bed. I'm hardly Cassanova and before I got married had a hard time gettign the women to leave me alone after I wanted the relationship to end most times. I could have done the booty call thing most certainly but I like giving 100% to whomever I am with, and you can't do that if you divide your time up between several people or on a part time basis.