[sylvan_1998]

So what is happening now familyman2?

[familyman20]

Hello everybody, I hope all is well.

We had our first mediation session this week and will continue next week. So far I have retained the children during the week for school, but I will also have them for the first weekend of each month. Further than that I get one of the kids once a month for one-on-one-time. So one weekend with one of my kids and the following month with the other.
AND on top of that, I will coach their soccer team for one season per year, so I get them for all Saturday mornings during that season. The summer initially was going to be heavily weighted towards her, but now we are going to exchange the kids every Sunday, so it is 50/50. What this means is that I will have the kids with me 2/3 of the time! Unheard of for a father in these parts.

I am sure the ex has her back to the wall, so she doesn't have much gas for these mediations. The judge is already mad at her, she has had two lawyers quit on her, she just got indicted for her felony charge, she is in contempt of court for various issues, and the last thing she wants is to have a home study where she is living in her boyfriends house with the kids. I was ready to show some mercy on her but when we got in there she just started mouthing off about anything she could think of to get under my skin.

Anyway, we still need to work out holidays and vacation time, which I am going to push for 50/50. We meet again next week. Nothing is set in stone so she could come walking back in there and refuse anything that we agreed upon during the last session.

Wish me luck!

[talaniman]

Best of luck, and glad things are working in your favor. You deserve it, and so do your kids.

[hajt70]

I admire everything you have done for the kids. How are the kids doing anyway?
I wish you lots of luck. Good to hear from you. Take care!

[familyman20]

It's signed!

The final mediation session was this morning. Even though I wish to see my kids everyday, I came out with a better than expected custody agreement. I will have the kids with me roughly 240+ days out of the year! We will split the summer and holidays. They WILL go to school with me, and I will have them 1-2 weekends per month. I will coach their soccer team once a year, which will give me extra time with them on Saturday afternoons. There were other issues worked out but they were minor compared to the custody time.

It was a battle in the mediation, but I think she just wore out and realized she was in a very poor position. I am not the kind of person to take advantage of others, but this case was the exception. After all of the pain and torment I have been through because of her decisions, it was a little bit of payback...

I asked to be the sole decision maker in regards to the kid's education. It didn't really get
Resolved so I will need to bring this up in our settlement hearing in a couple weeks.

That hearing will put the stamp on the custody plan, and will hopefully resolve all of the money issues. Basically, she owes me a ton of money. We'll see if my lawyer is worth her salt.

Beyond that, I am relieved. I can't say I'm on cloud nine, because it isn't the way I wanted my and my kid's lives to go. But after swallowing the big pill and facing reality this is about as good as I could make it.

I don't know if this is a normal feeling of other parents, but I was really pissed that the exes boyfriend would have had as many custody days as I with the 50/50 joint custody quota that was being pushed by the courts, and our two lawyers. But now that I will have 2/3 custody it makes me feel great that I won't be haunted by this concern.


Finally, the kids... this is what it is all about. They are having a great summer and are as happy as clams. I pray that the ex comes to her senses and realizes that taking the low road will only affect the kids. But again, they are fine, and are going to have the best childhood I can give them.

Take care all. I will check back after the next hearing.

[startover22]

Familyman, you are absolutely wonderful. Thank God for this outcome! Iam so happy for you and proud of you for sticking with it. Standing up for yourself in a heart wrenching time, well, that is hard enough, then dealing with it in such a great manner, with pride and love and concern for only your kids, pushing many of your own feelings and wants aside for them. Family man, I can't say enough about how proud I am of you handling all of this in such a way. Hugs and lots of love for your kids. They are very lucky to have a father like you!

[talaniman]

What were you worried about? Everyone could see who the better parent was from the very beginning.

Your kids are so lucky to have such a great DAD!!

[familyman20]

Thanks! Your praise is humbly appreciated.

I WAS worried! In my county the courts don't seem to be concerned with the better parent. They are concerned for the mother (better parent or not). It's the fathers onus to claw for any little break. For the first year of this case I was losing sleep and weight. I was worried.

Lately, however, I have been sleeping fine...

Thanks again, and again for your kind words.

[startover22]

Anytime, and don't think you are getting out of here that easy... :)
We would love to hear about all of the good stuff happening to you and anything you need to talk about is welcome here! This is so great. Again, I just can't choose which beautiful words to describe to you how proud I am of you! You are a good man!! :)

[familyman20]

Startover I have no plans on going anywhere. Now that I've found the greatest friends in cyberspace I would be a fool to sign off. You all are probably underestimating your value to me. These past two years have been the absolute worst years of my life. It sounds mellow dramatic but this forum has been my lifeline. There were times it hurt so bad I didn't know how much more I could take. Getting the support and advice here literally kept me hanging on. If you don't realize that you helped another human being pull himself out of a huge pit and come out stronger than before than I haven't expressed that properly to you. I'm not overly religious, but I know I was led here.

Now for the good things (since you asked). Obviously the best news is that the kids did not miss one day of school and they both got straight A's. We get along great with all of the teachers, principle, and staff. And they seem to really like having us join their community. The kids and I have acclimated very nicely to our new home and new life in a new town. AND I just got a bunch of custody with them! What news could be better? Now if I can get my business to grow and meet some people in town things will really be looking good. I really need to meet new people here. That will help. I haven't had much chance with everything that has been going on, but my divorce will be final in August and I've made a pact with myself to get out there! It's exciting and scary at the same time.

I will admit, however, that my marriage is not completely out of my blood even though I know in my head that I am better off. I think the thing that still bugs me is that the woman I thought I was going to spend my life with is with some other guy. And some other guy is with the woman I thought I was going to spend my life with. It is a weird feeling; almost surreal. It doesn't seem to fit or make sense to me. I guess I'm still an idealist at heart. A marriage and a family is everything. How can some people mess with that, hurt others so bad, and seemingly feel no remorse about doing it? My marriage is not totally out of my blood, but it is thinning. Just realizing that the ex would have an affair (and justify it by pointing fault at me) tells me how lucky I am to be away from her. Perhaps she did me a favor by doing what she did. Anger outlasted love... and it led to indifference. (How's that for a song?)

I hope life is going well for you all too. You deserve it!

[talaniman]

how lucky I am to be away from her. Perhaps she did me a favor by doing what she did.

You can't lose with that attitude. You may have to thank her one day as things get better for you. I have no doubt it will work out in your favor.

[Delilah P]

CONGRATULATIONS FAMILYMAN2!! What a wonderful outcome to your year of heartbreak and concerns. Those of us who have kept up with your dilemma knew all along that you'd come out fine in the end. What had fascinated me was your total concern for your children before anything else. You were like the mother bear looking out after her cubs.. something your 'soon-to-be-ex' should have been doing. Now that all your ducks are in a row, so to speak, you're just now beginning to think about yourself a little bit. Wow. You are to be admired, Familyman2. Be proud (as we are of you) and know in your heart that you went over and beyond what the average man would have done out of love for their children. Please keep us updated. You deserve a normal life and you'll find it soon. :)

[familyman20]

Thank you for that Delilah. As I mentioned before, your unwavering support and words of kindness have had a huge impact upon me. You and the great friends I have made here have helped me become stronger, and hopefully better. I still have a ways to go before I feel like I am running on all cylinders. But I couldn't have made it to this point without you assuring me that things can get better.

The kids are doing great. We are having a good summer. We have taken a few short trips and have gotten away from it all for a while... But I miss them terribly when they are not with me. What makes it worse is that this lowlife chump gets the honor of their presence. I need to get over it, however. It's reality and it does me no good to be angry about it. I just keep thinking about how they will be with me 245 days per year! It's not 365 but it is the best I can expect for now.

The final hearing for the divorce will be in early September. The only thing we are working on is the division of assets... I couldn't care less!

I suppose I am going through a common thing after enduring the end of a marriage. I am stuck in a paradox where I am feeling very lonely, yet I am closed off to the idea of meeting someone (or even dating). I can't visualize being special to anyone. It's a confidence thing, or lack thereof. So for the time being I am dealing with the feelings of loneliness and looking at the positive aspects of my life... custody, health, etc... Maybe fate will look my way one more time.

I wish you all the very best, and will check back soon.

[talaniman]

It may be difficult now, but your priorities are straight, so just stay the course, and give those kids the best you have.

Warning, There is nothing more attractive on earth, than a good dad, so be careful, you never know who is watching.

[sylvan_1998]

She will regret this course of action. You know it is said about affairs and such that you never trade up, you always trade down. She will realize this if she hasn't already.

And I agree, soccer moms will be all over you as they sit there lonely because their husbands are absent. Nothing is sexier than a good dad.

Thanks for keeping us up to date. My thoughts and prayers are with you!! :cool:

[familyman20]

Greetings all!

It is done... final... over...

The final hearing was last week and the judge made her rulings. The custody is set. The financial order is done. And that awful chapter of my life has past.

I can't say I am 100% pleased with everything. I don't get to see my children everyday, which is tough. But I did manage to get 65% custody.

I can't believe that the ex had the audacity to show up without a lawyer. She came to the next to last hearing without one and the judge admonished her and highly recommended that she obtain council (even though she had two previous lawyers quit). Instead the ex wrote a letter to the judge saying that she didn't want to get another lawyer because they are only in it for themselves and that my lawyer (and her previous two) were out to get her.
She went on to say how the court system is unjust and impersonal... True or not--you don't say this to a judge who is about to hear your case!

She came to the final hearing pro se, and got slammed. My lawyer was all over her, as well as the judge. I just sat there quietly and watched. The ex actually thought she could go in there and properly be an effective lawyer. Oh well... it's over. And I can honestly say now that I am over her. I don't miss her, and it doesn't bother me anymore that she is with someone else. I look forward to meeting someone else and starting anew.

The best news of all, however, is that I have been waking up with a smile on my face. For the first time in years I feel like I can wake up to a normal day and just feel GOOD. It is a feeling that can easily be taken for granted. I know I did. I took the kids to the fair and there was a lightness in the air. No weight on my shoulders... no monkey on my back. Life is good. I made it past the hard times. I am stronger and better. And I could never have done it without help. Your support was nothing short of heroic. I mean it. Heroes are not just the ones we see on TV saving people from burning buildings. Heroes are also people who will help out total strangers out of compassion. My heroes are right here. THANK YOU

I Hope all is well. Talk to you soon!

[sylvan_1998]

Awesome and congratulations. I am sorry you and your family went through this, but a friend of mine who went through this a few years back can now admit, if both are not in it for the long haul it is better to go through the pain and get out of it. She is happy and sees it was a good thing. I think that is all you can hope for.

Here is to many more smiles

[startover22]

The best news of all, however, is that I have been waking up with a smile on my face...


This IS what we all have been waiting for sweet Familyman! Hugs, and this is great news;)
I still don't know how to express my deep respect for how you handled all of this.

[talaniman]

You have made my day, and I am so glad for you. Be happy with your kids, and have the good life you so richly deserve.

Your actions make me proud to be a man!

[familyman20]

Greetings all!

I've just stopped in to wish all my great cyberpals here a fantastic, peaceful, productive, rewarding new year.

All is going relatively well with me. I'm grateful to have a somewhat normal life now.

And the kids both have had straight A's and perfect attendance.

Be back soon. Until then... take care!