[BrokeninRI]

Hi,
I am wondering if a woman can fall out of love so quickly.
History: both in our late 30, she never married, I have been divorced. Met her while separated, long distance relationship, we are 2 hours away from one another.
In Nov we started dating, fell in love, decided we will marry, she will quit her job, move in with me. Winter was tough this year we did not do much. I came of a really bad marriage where I was mentally abused, upon meeting her, I was skeptical and reserved. Several times I rejected her (did not want to make love), I worked 7 days a week and sometimes I was tired and cranky. I did not treat her wrong or bad, but I simply could have been better with her, I never went the extra mile. My divorce was finalized last month on the 22nd, and a day later I got an email (melancholic feeling) where she rattles everything that has happen, how she is not in love with me. We were planning on getting pregnant, and have been making love with the intention to get pregnant, move in together, and then marry.
Once she asked me if I was in love with her and I was SACRED to say yes because I did not want her to walk all over me, "I said I Love you but I am not in Love with you", well that pretty much did it. I lost her love and all.
Now she is numb, she says she does not love me, does not want what we had wanted. She has no romantic feelings for me. Can they be turn off so quickly? Is she getting cold feet and wants to run away?
She asked me to fly home to St. Louis with her to meet her parents (already met her mom), the though of meeting her Dad scares the crap out of me. I do not know why, I have only heard good things about him.
I did not realize how much I am in love with her, it is a euphoric feeling, like walking on clouds. But she has no feelings for me. She asked for space so that we can reassess our feelings, I convinced her to give me another chance, she is willing to date me, with the agreement that I may have some competition, she wants us to date other (I am not interested) but said OK, just to see if I can be the romantic man I am (I was not with her) and win her heart back.
She is finding all the negatives about me and making them a big deal now. When we first met we discussed the 80-20 rule, 80% good things and focus on those do not let the 20% bad things ruin the relationship. Now she says we have nothing in common when she really never gave me a real chance.
We are both professionals, have good jobs.

Anyone been in my shoes?
Any advice?

I am so confused right now... I miss her and love her soooo much.

Thanks.

BrokeninRI

[talaniman]

In Nov we started dating, fell in love, decided we will marry,

All that in 7-8 months?? What's wrong with that picture.

I am wondering if a woman can fall out of love so quickly.

I doubt she had a chance to be in love in the first place, as you were together just long enough for the lust to still be fresh. She probably stopped, and caught her breath, and realized she wasn't really all that ready for what you wanted, which was way to fast.

[BrokeninRI]

She wanted more than I did for some reason.
Thanks for your input.

[BrokeninRI]

Couple more things: She was willing to quit her awesome job, as stated previously she is a 39YO career oriented woman, has a house and been very independent. If we go ahead, she will quit her job, sell her house to become a housewife, she wants to be home when we have kids. But now I am asking myself is she wondering if I am worth all these compromises, how about if it does not work? A job offer is on the table for her also from Far Far away, where I cannot go since I won't be able to find a job that suits me there. Does she want space so that when she goes for her interview this week she can decide without me in the picture?

[Synnen]

No... she wanted you to step up to the plate BEFORE this, and you didn't.

You told her you weren't in love with her--guess what? That gets a woman thinking, and even if she WAS in love with you before that, she's not going to "settle" for being loved instead of having someone "in love" with her.

So... she started pulling back. And then noticed that she was giving a LOT to be with you, and you had told her you weren't in love with her! What were YOU giving up? Absolutely nothing! You weren't even giving up your love!

So.. it wasn't all at once... she thought about it for a while before telling YOU about it, is all.

[BrokeninRI]

Can I win her back?
I did not realize how much she meant to me. It is not the rejection talking, I am really in love with her. How do I give her space and prove to her that I am in Love with her without pressuring her?

[Synnen]

I don't know, because I'm not her.

I would make sure she knows you are still interested, and other than that, don't be clingy and needy and dependent on her.

True love wants the other person to be happy, regardless its effect on the giver.

[BrokeninRI]

Thanks. When I saw her on Monday after her 10 days trip we talked and that is when she said she wanted to have a talk with me today about breaking up but I convinced her and she will give me a chance, date and see how it goes but will also date others. I asked if there was already someone she said no. We had a wonderful time went bike riding then dining take out. I was myself, we laughed, even kissed. I was nice and relaxing, no pressure except for the 10 minutes we talked about us when I got to her house. She walked me to my car and we kissed more. Tuesday I did the chasing, calling, emailing (a joke and an Ecard). We set up an all day date for tomorrow that she cancelled but gave me the option to meet halfway for dinner. She needs to get ready for her interview, flying out Sunday. I am trying not to act desperate. She had asked me to be patient and give her time. She also knew all I was waiting for to propose was the official date of my divorce. She also knew I had already save enough money for her ring.