[MissingMyEx]

I am very lonely right now and I don't know what to do.
I was with someone for 4 years and we broke up in Feb. It was a bit of a abusive relationship. He controlled who I went out with, what I wore and what I did every minute of the day. He use to call me names and curse me out, a few times he even physically hurt me when he was drunk. However, he also had great points. Everyone (no one knows about the abuse) use to tell me that he is 95% GREAT and 5% HORRIBLE and sometimes the 5% would take over the 95%.
Our relationship was always up and down and we would break up and make up. I usually did the breaking up because I got sick of the abuse and I would be the one to go back, sometimes because he talked me into it. This past time I told him I wanted out and for good. We ended our relationship and I was fine - then he CHANGED his number and I went crazy and cried myself to sleep for a week. Then last week he quit his job - so now I don't have an email address or a work phone number. I called and left a message at his house and called me today and left a message - he is well and he wishes me luck with everything. NOW I AM GOING CRAZY... I MISS HIM SO MUCH AND I AM WILLING TO DEAL WITH EVERYHTING ELSE. DID I MAKE A MISTAKE BREAKING UP?

[progunr]

No, you did not make a mistake, the mistake will be in going back to the abuse.

I would suggest that you seek some help, from a counselor, or perhaps some type of group in your area.

There are serious mental issues that cause someone to want to be in a abusive relationship.

Most don't get out, and end up severely injured, or worse!

Please seek some help with this, you deserve better than an abusive boyfriend.

[MissingMyEx]

Thank you for your post. I don't know what to do, I have gotten help and each time they tell me "well you need to end things"... and that's easier said than done.
I know he hasn't always been good to me, but he has also been great to me. He has been there when my father was in the hospital, he has been there when I needed someone. He is the first person I can truly say I love outside of my family. He was very abusive when he drank but after breaking up with him over that - he calmed down with his drinking and stopped hitting me. But I do admit that the mental abuse didn't stop although it became less.

I have this weird feeling in my stomach that I am not going to find someone like him again, someone that I am attracted to or can love this much again. I have tried dating other guys but I always compare them to him.

[liz28]

You should hope you never find someone like him but instead hope you find someone who would respect, cherish, and love you for you and not change or control you. Your not his property. Talk to a professional that can help you to help see and change your thinking process. You are worth more and deserve better. Leave him in the past and focus on yourself.

[JBeaucaire]

That feeling you have in your stomach is anxiety, not psychic power. OK? Your subconcious belief that you can predict the future based on fear and trepidation is a false belief.

However, trust me, you CAN make a belief like that come true. Be careful not give feet to an idea you don't actually want to be true.

You were created to be in love. You have no control over it. It's going to happen time and time again. The time you spend obsessing over the relationship(s) that are over is the only truly wasted time. The time you had with him was great. Cherish it fondly, think of it occasionally, but crippling yourself over it is missing the point.

The next guy you fall for ALSO might not be "the one". You have to get over the habit of turning every guy you fall for into your universe, it's so unhealthy.

Most relationships end, and not always by YOUR choice. That's hard enough without all the additional drama of believing you'll be alone forever just because it hurts today. That's poppycock, and you must give yourself a break after a breakup.

No, you're never going to find someone like him while you're still staring at his old pictures. But there are plenty of wonderfully compatible guys, some worse and some BETTER than this one, just waiting on the path ahead.

Eyes forward.

[MissingMyEx]

Thank you for all the posts. When I broke up with him, I tore up all his pictures and cards and everything that reminded me of him, put it in a box and gave it all back to him. He called me this past weekend to tell me he was thinking of me and that he wanted me happy and to see how I was. It took EVERYTHING in me to pretend everything was OK and I was fine. I know I deserve better than that, but each time I broke up with him and he promised he would change for the better and told me he loved me and I came back, he did change a small piece of him. I just can't help but think that maybe he will change his drinking and partying ways. I guess you all are right, leaving it alone and concentrating on myself might work.
Its weird no one that knows me in person would know how weak I really am. Every time guy I have dated and broken up with - I didn't hurt afterwards. I was always the one to end it because I didn't the seriousness and to fall in love. When I finally found someone I could love, I guess he lied about loving me. I am better off alone.