[debbiew1984]

I know there is nooone else. He isn't that experienced and I was his first girlfriend.

Even after what he has done to me I know when he said I can't think of anyone else the thought makes me feel sick far from it he was telling the truth.

Maybe the marriage thing is true only he knows . And I doubt ill ever find out

[Homegirl 50]

Honey just like you were his first girl friend, there can also be a second one, so don't think he is not capable of being with another girl.
But he could have realized he did not want to be married or engaged. Maybe he wanted to spread his wings a bit. At any rate a man who does not have the sensitivity to at least be honest with you, who can hurt you like this and do nothing but cry when he sees you is weak and you don't need him.
You may never know what was going through his mind, but don't let that stop you from moving on, because I'll bet my bottom dollar, he has.

[debbiew1984]

I know he hasn't moved on either, he looks rough and not the man I was with.

Maybe one day ill get my answers but last night just confussed me a lot and it hurt

[Homegirl 50]

Well I don't know what else to say. The fact that he is someplace he would not normally go says he is moving in a different direction. If he does not have the decency to come to you on his own, don't drive yourself crazy asking why. He is a grown man who knows what he is doing. He has made a choice.
I wish you well

[debbiew1984]

Thank you for your advice, you are right I just don't want to believe it. In time I will

[Chery]

OK, so now it't time for you to start forgetting him and avoid news from family members - no matter if they mean well or not - they should live their own lives and let you move on.

Sometimes we don't get answers, but we still need to go on with our lives. So start your healing process.
Change things around in the place that remind you of him. Avoid pubs that you both used to go to, and look for a new circle of friends. Don't stay home and pine away. You've gotten good advice here and it's your choice whether you want to move on or stay in quicksand and self-pitty, without moving on.

Work on your self-respect and start enjoying yourself again.

You are not alone, and will survive this, all it takes is one step at a time. And TIME is what it will take to heal, but it's worth it.

This experience will help you grow and get stronger.

Stay with us, we will be here to help you along.

Good luck.

[debbiew1984]

My family only told me because they were as shocked as I was that he was in this pub. He has never been in there before and he knew that is my familys local. And they would be in there. He said he was scared to so why go in?

Since day 1 of this break up and when I bumped into him its all confussing. I can't cope with his much more.

I know I did the right thing by leaving him alone going NC from day 1 but sometimes I do regret it.

[Chery]

my family only told me cos they was as shocked as i was that he was in this pub. he has never been in there b4 and he knew that is my familys local. and they would b in there. he said he was scared to so y go in?

since day 1 of this break up and when i bumped into him its all confussing. i can't cope with his much more.

i know i did the right thing by leaving him alone going NC from day 1 but sometimes i do regret it.

It's not for you or your family to conclude that he will keep his old habits and not start new ones. He has a life of his own and so do you. Your job now is to go on with your's.

Most of the individuals that break up have regrets, but that is not going to change anything. The communication should have been during the relationship - not afterwards - regretting stuff that's past and has no future is a waste of your time.

Don't waste time on the past, please and look toward your future and peace of mind.

Good luck.

[debbiew1984]

I know I need to look forward, but its just very hard as it came from no where, we had no problems and to book holidays with me for xmas, shows to me this wasn't on his mind, and it did come from no where.

But as for him crying when you sees me and the weight loss only he knows why this is, and only he knows why he has done this. Just wish he could have been honest with me unless he did just want space. - which he has got and thanked me for it and repects me for it 2.

But he did want to come back then text me saying I can't get into a relationship my heads not clear I don't want to put you through again what I have done already.

I'm just very confussed , my life was with this man, now nothing. Why ask about me if he don't care.

It's a killer this break up, I was with a guy for 3 years and wasn't this bad when we split.

[starlite1]

Hi Debbie,

I know all too well what you are going though. It is so hard to figure out why he is acting the way he is acting and giving you mixed signals. That is the hardest part I think. I wish in my own situation as well, that we could sit these men down and get what ever it is out of them. I know we may never know, and that in itself is so trying on us. But I guess time is the only answer and course of action for us... I don't like time...

[damaged]

I think you should talk to him, and tell him to tell you straight up what's up... If he tells you the same thing " i dont wanna be in a relationship right now, blah blah blah", then leave him alone..
He cries but doesn't do anything about it... maybe its guilt what he feels, maybe its something else.. but for your own sake ask him to explain to you what's going on.. and like I said.. if he says the same thing, then let it go.. it will hurt but there's nothing else to do...

[starlite1]

I agree. You deserve an answer Debbie, one way or the other... He needs to man up and tell you, if he can, what happened... He may tap dance, but, at least it will give you some clarity in a way; if he says the same thing, then you know he is not worth pursuing, but if he explains more, then you can take it from there and see if it makes sense.

We are all here for you!

[debbiew1984]

The thing with me is as much as I want him back I can't contact him, I only did once and that was to reply to the messege he sent me.

I have gone over 100 days with no contact no chasing nothing, to start now I don't know what it will do

[damaged]

That's good.. If you've gone over 100, then why give up now?. u've come so far.. but you are making it harder because you can't seem to let go... you got to leave him behind... stop questioning his actions(crying, asking for you) because is not doing you any good... if he talks to your sis tell her not to tell you... is not making things better...

[debbiew1984]

I know I got to let go, I just cant. He was my life he was my future I just got 2 get used to the fact he is not no more. It's a real killer.

[damaged]

No.. he wasn't your life or your future... he was IN your life, and maybe IN your future.. you don't need him 4 anything... Life goes on with or without him... & yes YOU CAN!. you just won't...
I know its hard, very very very very hard... but you got to give up on him.. :(

[debbiew1984]

I know I do, you are right, I just got to get over the way he has done it. I mean he booked holidays with us for march may June and xmas on the day he dumped me. Its all confussing as hell

And I think he did just want space because he looks rough as hell, but he not my problem. Think of number 1

[damaged]

It's confusing I know.. 2 make it better stop thinking about the holidays he booked.. Think about now.. he is not with you... that's it...
Your right think of # 1 <----- That's YOU!

"nobody gets to live life backwards, look ahead thats were your future lies" <--- I like that quote :)

[debbiew1984]

That is a very good quote! I might start using that!

Are you still glad you blocked your exs number?

[starlite1]

You ARE number 1 Debbie, absolutley!

Cool quote Damaged!