[dean29]

My wife has been having these thoughts about her not loving me in the way she should but more like a brother or son not a husband, and she wants privacy and time to think but she is being more secretive than anything, like instead of saying hay I am on the computer please come back later, she changes the screen, then she thought being by herself for a week she might find answers, so she went to Mexico for a week, which I thought was weird. So I have been trying for do things for myself and my daughter, but I think 3 months is kind of long for this can anyone help me with this, I am giving time and space but how long should I wait.

[startover22]

You shouldn't wait, you should ask her to sit and talk with you. And then offer an appointment that you made to see a marriage counselor.:) Ask her to join you so you guys can work this out. You sound like a good man but a little too patient for this sort of thing to continue for this long, there is something going on. Good luck!

[ebgirl]

Sounds like she is cheating? You need not wait, confront and get it out in the open. If you have to... follow her and get the answers you need to know. If not for yourself, for your daughter. Start checking phone records for continuous calls in the last three months, times of the day that she seems to leave, look for a pattern, etc. Good luck!

[Cornfuzed]

Perfect key logger, its how I caught my spouse... Sounds cold, but Iw as desperate for answers at the time...

[mustard_seed]

Sounds as if something is happening right under your nose. I do not however suggest becoming a detective yourself; making a pair of weirdos under the same roof--twice as confusing to the child. Someone at this site may be old enough to remember an old cartoon called 'Spy vs. Spy'. Both were forever locating the others' trap and falling head first into it but nothing was being resolved.

[confused1145]

Try talking to her and if she doesn't make an effort to try you will know that she has given up on your marriage or involved with someone else. If that's the case, you deserve to be with someone who will be loyal and devoted.

[ajn48]

My wife has been having these thoughts about her not loving me in the way she should but more like a brother or son not a husband, and she wants privacy and time to think but she is being more secretive than anything, like instead of saying hay i am on the computer please come back later, she changes the screen, then she thought being by herself for a week she might find answers, so she went to Mexico for a week, which i thought was weird. So i have been trying for do things for myself and my daughter, but i think 3 months is kind of long for this can anyone help me with this, i am giving time and space but how long should i wait.

I think you've waited too long. Mexico? What's there? Who's there? Marriages get stale after a while; they all do to some extent. Sit down and talk to her. Tell her to come clean. I don't think you want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you. Good luck to you and the kid.

[JoeCanada76]

Sounds like something really smelly and it is not dead fish. Sounds like a lot of hiding and covering up and extra romancing on the side. Of course, you do not know that for sure, but you must go with your gut and investigate what is happening.

[Farmgirl]

My wife has been having these thoughts about her not loving me in the way she should but more like a brother or son not a husband, and she wants privacy and time to think but she is being more secretive than anything, like instead of saying hay i am on the computer please come back later, she changes the screen, then she thought being by herself for a week she might find answers, so she went to Mexico for a week, which i thought was weird. So i have been trying for do things for myself and my daughter, but i think 3 months is kind of long for this can anyone help me with this, i am giving time and space but how long should i wait.

I can speak from experience on this one... obviously I'm not YOUR wife, but I've been through this stage with my husband. We're currently working on it, but it's slow, and you will probably have to continue to be patient with your wife as well. Here's my take on some of the stuff (from the standpoint of being in HER position).

Secrecy/Privacy: Relax--she's nervous about her feelings, and it's finding it's way into everything that she's doing. It's doubtful that she's trying to "hide" something so much as she's just jumpy right now. Instead of "sneaking up on her" try standing a ways back and asking if it's OK to talk/whatever it is you need her for right then. Instead of expecting her to tell you if it's a good time or not, ask her.

Taking too long: Again, relax--there's probably nothing to worry about. The woman's mind is a very complex thing, and when she's dealing with the kid(s), probably doing work around the house, and possibly holding down a job--she doesn't get much time to really think about it. Life is taking up too much of her time. The best thing you can do right now is help out--do chores around the house, continue to care for your daughter, and let her have some space.

Finally, she may really be concerned that you are more like a brother or son because you guys have lost all of the romance. I think it's Dr. Berman that said something along the lines of keeping some stuff private (close the door on the bathroom when using it--perhaps even locking it to keep out the kid, don't let your spouse see you as much in states of disarray--ie. Messy hair, no makeup, etc.) those things will go a long way to bringing back some of the "spice" to your relationship--and yeah, it's tricky, and it takes some work--but if your marriage is worth it, you'll do whatever it may take. I know how hard this is... I have a son, a job, I'm still in college, and there's not many people around to watch our child on the occasions when we want to go out, but we still make it work. Bonding time is important whether you've been married a year or 50 years.

I would also recommend some counseling--separate and together to not only figure out what triggers both of you, but also see if there's some underlying insecurity on your part or on hers without both you knowing everything about it.

Best of luck to you and yours!

[karinalatina]

You Know In A Way I Would Say It Looks Weird Her Leaving And Before She Said She Sees As A Brother Or Something Like That People Would Think She's Cheating But You Know What Im Kind of Sort of Not The Same Problem But Considering Going To Puertorico For A Month With My Son Of 3 Years To Figure Some Stuff Out And Just Relax And See If I Still Want To Be In Relationship Of Four Years Doessnt Mean Im Going To Cheat On My Husband Its Just M Y Way Of Getting Rid Of Stress And See If I Miss Him If I Still Feel How I Used To Feel When We Were Apart You Know If You Think She's Cheating Tell Her To Tell You So You Can End Relationship Tell Her To Be Truthful So You And Her And Also Ur Daughter Can Be Happy

[George_1950]

Don't fall apart; if she's wanting to go, let her, especially if she has a friend on the side. Just curious: what kind of outing was the trip to Mexico? Her church or her employer, etc. I would just say, don't be that needy guy; and don't let her walk all over you. Counseling and trial separations can be beneficial.

[n252911]

Call Cheaters!! asap