Ask Me Help Desk - My Girlfriend Has Moved.

My Girlfriend Has Moved.

Unfortunately, my girlfriend moved to a different town, only around twenty minutes away, last month.
Im really sad about it.
Ive been through depressions before and times where I just couldn't stop cutting myself and I don't want to get hurt like I have been in the past...
She says she will never leave me, but I know that long distance relationships are very hard to maintain... Even if its not that long of a distance.
Im scared she will fall for other guys or other guys will be touching her or something ):
Im just really scared. We love each other very much and I don't want to lose her... Please help.

"Im just really scared." It's 20 minutes. That means to pick her up you have to leave 20 minutes before you used to leave. That means it will take 20 minutes more for you to get home than it used to take. These are not huge challenges. You just need to plan and prepare better and you need to put forth a tiny bit more effort.

Having said all that I will also add your relationship doesn't sound healthy. You do understand that "Im scared she will fall for other guys or other guys will be touching her or something" can happen at anytime and it doesn't matter if she's 20 minutes away or next door. But to put your self worth in the hands of someone else is just a really bad idea.

My partner and I have been together for around 3.5 years I think. Might be a touch longer now. I know if something happened to our relationship I would be sad, but I still have tons of friends and all my activities to help me through that period. You really need to get a handle on this and get your relationship to where it is healthy.

You need some help if your sanity and physical well being is tied up in her. 20 minutes is not that far away, that is hardly long distance.
No one can say they will never leave you, especially when you are young. How old are the both of you?

You need help for your depression NOW. If you are a teen as you seem to be from the category, then the sooner the better. It is far, far more treatable when it first starts than after years of miserable relationships and difficulty living. How hard is it for you to see a therapist, in light of where you live and how your parents feel, and maybe the reality of insurance coverage?

I agree with the others... the real problem isn't the fact your girlfriend moved... you have other far more significant issues that really need addressed and treated before you worry about a girlfriend. Your life will improve significantly if you do get them dealt with, if she happens to be part of it or not.

I have gotten help... Ive been to a psych unit in a hospital twice last fall... And I have a therapist who doesn't help me cause I have trouble talking to people about these things...
And I want to stay with my girlfriend. I love her a lot... ):

Quote:

Originally Posted by posaunus

I have gotten help... Ive been to a psych unit in a hospital twice last fall... And I have a therapist who doesn't help me cause I have trouble talking to people about these things...
And I want to stay with my girlfriend. I love her a lot... ):

So go see her. 20 minutes is nothing.

But Im nearly 17, yet her parents still want us to have parental supervision when around each other... They don't let us kiss or barely touch each other. And I cant drive yet so my parents would have to take me, but I don't know how to tell them that I want to see her...

You tell your parents you'd like to see her and ask if they can give you a ride. How long has she been your girl friend and how old is she?
I don't blame her parents, I don't think you two ought to be alone together either.

She's been my girlfriend for 4 months and she's 16.
And why wouldn't you let us be alone? We are not planning on having sex...

Quote:

Originally Posted by posaunus

We are not planning on having sex...

It's not something you plan....

You tell US that you aren't planning it... we were all 16 before... she might not be planning it... but if you are even a 10% normal guy... its going to be on your mind nearly all the time. A 100% normal guy would be the reason why chastity belts were invented.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

It's not something you plan....

True. But still. I don't think we need supervision...

Quote:

Originally Posted by smoothy

You tell US that you aren't planning it... we were all 16 before... she might not be planning it... but if you are even a 10% normal guy... its going to be on your mind nearly all the time. A 100% normal guy would be the reason why chastity belts were invented.

All I want to do is go to the park or movies with her... We wouldn't do anything there anyway.

That sounds more like a good friend that happens to be a girl... rather than a girlfriend.

Are you dating or just know each other? You Obviously Have some issues and you are freaking out because she has moved 20 minutes away. I would not want my daughter getting too involved.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

Are you dating or just know each other? You Obviously Have some issues and you are freaking out because she has moved 20 minutes away. I would not want my daughter getting too involved.

Umm... No we are dating :/ and thanks...

Quote:

Originally Posted by smoothy

That sounds more like a good friend that happens to be a girl... rather than a girlfriend.

No. We are dating.

You are a boy, you are 16, you dating a girl... and the thought of getting her into bed hasn't crossed your mind? Notice I said think about it.....even obsess over it...even if you never got a chance to actually do it.

Sorry, I'm a guy... I don't buy that story. I remember being 16 very, very well even though its been a long time.

Quote:

Originally Posted by posaunus

She says she will never leave me, but I know that long distance relationships are very hard to maintain... Even if its not that long of a distance. Im scared she will fall for other guys or other guys will be touching her or something ):

And what about you? You won't fall for another girl?

What does "dating" mean when you can't drive, don't have a car, and parents won't allow you to be unsupervised when you're together?

It has crossed my mind. Im just saying, I wouldn't do that this early on.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

And what about you? You won't fall for another girl?

What does "dating" mean when you can't drive, don't have a car, and parents won't allow you to be unsupervised when you're together?

I would never even think of falling for another girl...
And "dating" means that we are boyfriend and girlfriend. And that we love each other a lot in a different way...

Quote:

Originally Posted by posaunus

we love each other a lot in a different way...

What does that mean?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

What does that mean?

We love each other different than we love friends and family.

I'd really be worried if you was thinking about having sex with someone you thought of LIKE friends and family.

Quote:

Originally Posted by smoothy

I'd really be worried if you was thinking about having sex with someone you thought of LIKE friends and family.

Well, yeah... I don't think of her like friends and family though...

I'm thinking English might not be your first langauge even though it is very good (by the way you are responding to some of the nuanced things I said), and you might not be in the same part of the world the rest of us live in, what country are you from? That might explain a lot of things that aren't making sense to us. Including giving us a hint of the cutlure you are from.

You guys have only been dating for 4 months. This "love each other very much" is not real. How often did you see each other before she moved?

Quote:

Originally Posted by smoothy

I'm thinking English might not be your first langauge even though it is very good (by the way you are responding to some of the nuanced things I said), and you might not be in the same part of the world the rest of us live in, what country are you from? That might explain a lot of things that aren't making sense to us. Including giving us a hint of the cutlure you are from.

I live in the US...
What things that I am saying are not making sense??

Quote:

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

You guys have only been dating for 4 months. This "love each other very much" is not real. How often did you see each other before she moved?

How would you know that our love is "not real".. I assure you it is very real...
And I saw her basically every day...

Quote:

Originally Posted by posaunus

Well, yeah... I don't think of her like friends and family though...

When you said this... mostly by the addition of the last word "though" which made it really awkward.

Also this is very non-typical behaviour for a guy born and raised here. You would be thinking about it all the time... and trying to get it all the time even if you were so awkward you wouldn't succeed as most guys are when they first start to date. And I wasn't even the biggest skirt chaser in my class by a longshot.

Quote:

Originally Posted by smoothy

When you said this... mostly by the addition of the last word "though" which made it really awkward.

Also this is very non-typical behaviour for a guy born and raised here. You would be thinking about it all the time... and trying to get it all the time even if you were so awkward you wouldn't succeed as most guys are when they first start to date. And I wasn't even the biggest skirt chaser in my class by a longshot.

I only said though cause I thought in the previous response, you were suggesting that I DID think of her as friends or family...

And you don't know me. I do want to eventually do that with her. But we have gone WAAAYYY off topic.

Ok on that first point... simple misunderstanding that got compounded.

THat second point isn't far off topic... because if you REALLY thought that that way it indicated a far different thought process than was normal... You asked a question... we are sorting through this to see how you think, and see how you react... from that we can give a better answer.

I believe you guy but lets get back to the real issue here and that's seeing your girl, and doing it within the rules of her parents. If you love her, then catching a bus, riding a bike, or even walking are good alternatives to no car. If its love as you say, asking your parents for a ride would be no problem. So buck up and do what you have to do to see your girl.

Man up and make it happen and stop the crying over this.

Are you her first boyfriend? Knowing you for just 4 months, I can understand her parents wanted supervision when seeing each other. You know, you can go to the movies with her and her parents... you don't have to sit right next to them or see the same movie. Or maybe they can drop the two of you off at the movies then pick you up.

As was said, 20 minutes isn't very far, I know kids who go to the same school who live that far and farther apart, although I understand how it may feel that way if you had been seeing each other just about everyday.

Whatever you do, if you love her as you say, you won't say or do anything to try and get her to go against her parents' wishes.

Keep in mind that while you both are having strong feelings for each other at this time, you can't control how feelings might change. Part of dating is spending time with someone and learning what works for you and what doesn't. This is why most people date different people before they find someone that suits them best. It would be hard to understand that now when the two of you are in a new relationship. Just be aware that if either of you does decide it's not going to work, it is not a reflection on the other person. It is just part of dating and maturing. Don't panic about what may or may not happen.....just enjoy the time that you can spend together getting to know each other better.

Do seek out other help for yourself. One doctor may not work for you, but another will. If you had diabetes, and didn't get help from a doctor, would you not go seek out another until you got the help that you needed? Only once you have your emotions and behavior dealt with will you be able to be part of a healthy relationship.

4 months, you guys don't really know each other and you have an unhealthy attachment to her. This business of being afraid she will fall for someone else because she is 20 minutes away is a bit over the top. Get some help for your depression and cutting issues. If you really want to see her man up and ask your parents for a ride.