Originally Posted by
sGt HarDKorE
Here is my view on it: I would almost think you are my mom however, she can't get on a computer even if it was to save a life. Let me tell you why I sometimes do things and hopefully it will help. Well let me just explain what my mom is like, and from the looks of it, i think you will really relate to her.
My mom is a hard worker and a single parent. She will work as long as she physically can. When she had both hips replaced, she was in work the next week. She could not afford to take off work. She has 3 kids (including me). Our father does not help at all in any way anymore. When she was a kid her dad use to abuse her mom and was a big drinker and i guess everything was really bad, we don't really talk about it. But anways my point is, she tries to not let that happen to us. She tries to check in on me and my brother and our sister every few hours and makes sure she knows who we are with and everything about that person. She practically does a background check on everyone we know by asking questions about them. She wants us to do really well in school so she enforces study, study, study, study. In her opinion and maybe it is the correct one, she is being a great parent and even to me it sounds like it. And to be honest she really is. However, from my perspective, I got so sick of being treated like i can't do anything for myself. And unfortunately, i do things to make her think im doing bad things. Ex: not answering my phone for the whole time im gone or something, or locking my door when i know shes going to think im trying to hide something. For a while, i felt depressed and even felt suicidal. But i finally talked to someone on my own (I new if i told my mom, she would then get involved and never let me speak) It felt so good to talk to someone and have them listen. My mom is always so busy trying to keep us living under a roof and having food, she doesn't have time to just listen. And if she does, if i was to ever say anything such as admit trying drugs or something she would yell at me and then punish me. Instead, or at least in my opinion, if she would have just talked to me about the consequences, and allowed me to talk about why i tried them, and allowed me to express my feelings, i would be more comfortable and wouldn't do them again. Which i don't anyways because they do not interest me, however, my brother does drugs. To sum this up, i think giving your kid more independence, she will learn the importance or her actions. As soon as i learned my mom was holding me back unintentionally with her love and fear, life has been so fun and I am doing everything i ever wanted. If you want her to talk to you about things, which in the end could solve her bad behavior, just listen. I do not know if you react badly to her when she does bad things but try a new approach. Just listen, explain to her that you were once tempted to try bad things, and explain to her the consequences of the things you did. I think a lot of parents forget that they were kids. I also think adults try to shield their kids from bad things that happened in their own life, however, they forget those things made them who they are as an adult today. Im not sure if any of this makes sense, i tend to not connect my ideas that well, but hopefully you get something.
Just a suggestion to, I don't think invading her personal space is the best idea. I can't say i wouldn't do the same, but again from my point of view, its difficult on you when your own parents don't even trust you. And now that you are reading her personal thoughts, she will most likely not write anymore, and then who will she talk too? I simply recommend sending her to talk to someone who she feels comfortable with. Someone mentioned above, have individual AND family counseling. That is the best way to do it. She may be afraid to admit certain feelings when your around, so give her personal space. Like me, she probably acts out to make you angry. As im writing this, i realized whenever i do/did things to cause my mom to get suspicious. She would always confront me, and then out of angier we would admit things, and true feelings would occasionally come out. I think I needed a way to express my feelings and her attention, and whats a better way than getting someone mad if they won't listen normally.
Good Luck :)
