My so called "mom" called me a liar and a slut the other day and she said that it was just because I was a teenager and about how she knows how teenagers act. I have done my very best not to let her see it hurt me so much buit honestly... the ENTIRE weekend I was in my room crying my eyes out I have not come out of my room not to go to the restroom or even to eat. I have barely ate anything since she told me that. I just don't see how a mother can judge her child based on her past and the child's past.

Is that right for a mother to do that... I mean calling her a slut when she's not even sexually active and calling her a liar when she could prove to you that she is telling the truth??


When my mom called me a liar I told her to call the person and ask them... WHO WAS AN ADULT!. and she said she would but hasn't even asked me for the number or anything... I could just go insane!! She is not a fit mother and I want to leave but How do I do it behind her back when she has the passwords to all of my accounts except for this one??


Lord help I need to be free from this mentally scrutinizing pain... this is worse than when I was with me sexually abusive father and that's the truth.

Sorry about what your mom said to you. My parents sometimes say things like this to me too. Over the years I've figured that it was just because they were angry and didn't really mean it. I think that if you think what your mom said was wrong, you should take some time to convince yourself that you're right and she's not. Sometimes if someone calls me something I don't want to be called, I just sit in my room and think about it for hours. Eventually, I relize that what they say isn't true and they really don't think I'm a bad person. People just get angry and say mean things. Don't you think so?

But see the thing is that I talked to her about a few days afterward too and she says the same thing and here is the other thing she has only known me for 10 months. That is not long enough to judge soembody unles they actually caught them or had EVIDENCE I just can't believe she is that low. She even called me low life... she has called me so much I just can't bear it any longer I fell like Im about to explode

Sorry for spelling errors

There are really three questions here so I will answer each in turn.

How to respond to a parents overly powerful negative feedback, especially when the words they use are hurtful?
Your mother has tried to validate what she said by claiming it is standard. Obviously she knows it was wrong but cannot perceive of a way to take it back. That means you have to be stronger. (And I feel for you, I really do). Here's where the true test of your strength and your willingness to be the person you believe yourself to be is tested. If you live with others I suggest that you put this only where your mom can see this, if you live with her let it be open. Write the words that she has used recently in a negative way on a piece of paper. Title it "Words that hurt" Tape it prominently where she can find it. Make sure you add every word she has used recently. If she takes it down. Put it back up add a second title, "Things that hurt" add ignoring my feelings. This may seem contentious but your mother needs to know how much she hurt you and the way she did it. If she is not willing to make amends (not in the form of bribery) then you should consider the next answers very carefully.

How to leave an abusive parent?
Many states offer hotlines especially for teens who are involved in abusive situations. While your mother may not mean for this to be abusive over time it may get to the point where it is. If you don't call the hotline then talk to your school counselor and ask that she keep this private. If your school counselor is unwilling or unable to keep it quiet then contact your local safe place National Safe Place - Where Kids Get Help...FAST this address will help you with this information. Please be willing to share everything with them because in court advocacy if you don't tell them that both parents are abusive they generally try to place you with the other parent, which in your case is equally bad.

How to deal with sexual abuse?
I highly suggest that if you were sexually abused by your father that you make a report to the police even if they don't prosecute. Contact National safe place concerning this abuse and they will be able to put you in touch with rape advocacy and abuse advocacy groups. The problem with abuse is that it often inflicts the entire family not just you. Part of the ordeal your mother may be facing is guilt and shame for letting it happen to you and this may come across as anger. There are support groups that cater to families and friends of the sexually abused, as well as support groups for the sexually abused. I suggest you find your local chapter.

Lastly, have courage, I know it may seem like the situation is too tough and that you are to the breaking point, it's all right to cry, it's all right to feel lost, it's all right to feel lonely. It's all right to want to run. But you should know that there are people you can turn to in your community, a shoulder to cry on, a person to help you find yourself, a friend to chase away the loneliness, and places where if you need to run you can be safe. So have courage, it will get better

Have you talked to your mother about the way she makes you feel?

I know that people sometimes say things, and don't really understand how that affects you. What your mother said was not right, she should not say that to her daughter. But maybe you should talk to her, and tell her how that made you angry and upset. Tell her how you are not sexually active, and maybe she will understand. I know this is something that you don't want to hear, but she loves you. And she just has weird ways of showing it. She is going from the past, and you should tell her that she should forget about the past and look forward to the future. Just don't starve yourself, and go to the bathroom. Go out and do something for you, that makes YOU happy! :-) Don't let what other people say about you affect you like that. Just trust me.

How the heck did you end up with a mentally unstable, abusive, angry mother that you've only know for 10 months?

Where were you before this?

Can you go back?

I think we need more info.

CSlager
I have been going to councling and I can't do that I will get grounded an dhave to quit Rifle team. I just feel like I can't cry... heck she even said it herself. I just want to get out of my entire family this is the second time this has happened to me.

Xoxlove

I have told her EXACTLY how I feel and calmly. She doesn't care she kept telling me the same thing "your a teenager and your little brother and sister will get the same thing when they are older."

IT Isn't RIGHT!!

I was sexually abused by my real dad and I had just met my mom but I ended up telling on my dad when I was down there so they put me in a youth shelter for awhile then after a week they put me in my moms care.

Before this I was in Arizona living with my dad.

No I can not go back to my dads but I can go back to Arizona and set up a place to stay, school enrollment, a job... the whole nine yards but I don't know how to get emancipated. I know everything I have to prove but the stuff I had to prove my mom found and locked up in her filing cabinet.

Meaning just met her off the internet and my dad had talked to her for a few days before I found out who it was.

So we went down to visit her here in IN

Do you have reletives like aunts and uncles that you could stay with? If you contact a social worker, they can probably arrange a new place for you to live. Talk to a coulselor about it.

No, it isn't right. I don't know what you can do, your "mother" obviously doesn't know the first thing about teenagers, or people in general. We are ALL different. What she did, what she's seen teenagers do, does NOT mean you'll do that. My mom says the same thing, but in a different way. Not calling me a slut or a liar, just saying I'm like all other teen girls with internet access who chat with 65 year old perverts and is going to get raped and murdered. But I could never imagine being called those things by your own mother.
You've done a lot, tried talking, consueling, I would focus on what a lot of these people are saying. GET OUT! I understand it'll be hard to pack up and move again, but it'll be for the best.
Please accept my deepest apologies for what your dad and mom have done to you. You're a strong girl, I really do admire you for going through all that. Keep your head up.

Xoxolove

No I don't have anyone that I could go stay with but I have talked to someone that I have called mom since I was old enough to talk and she said that she would divorce her husband to get custody of me or her daughter would. I just have not been able to talk to her in awhile because of my real mom.

tntdynamite

That is what me, and every other person who has ever met her, been trying to tell her.

Middle Way House

Here is the organization I believe you should call. I am going tell you something right now.

If you choose to leave her chances are you will be forced to leave rifles. So being afraid of losing something means you have found a life just the person who is your parent is making things difficult. If you are serious about leaving then you need an advocate and most likely a place to stay. I gave you this address because they have the best resources to either help you or direct you.

But they will tell you the same thing, either face your mother or don't both are your decision.

Personally I would stop worrying about what your mother does and does not have. I'd be calling the state agency who placed you into custody as they are supposed to have follow-up meetings. Tell them what has been happening. Be very specific. They may find that your mother is also unfit to provide you care in which case the person who is near family may make a claim to help you.

Also try searching other agencies on the internet. There are probably many of them that you could contact that can arrange another home for you. Try to find something. Contact the one CSlager mentioned above. You're not going to get out of this mess if you don't do anything to get out of it. Good luck. :)

I think your mother is being so mean towards you because she herself made the mistakes she accused you of herself.
I also understand that parents are important, their opinion matters, but if you want to leave that means you don't want to deal with her, therefore I have a question for you:
Does it matter what she thinks if YOU know it's not true? So she think you are those things... so what? Her opinion doesn't matter! Just like you said, she's not fit to be a mother, then why does her opinion matter? Don't give weight to what she's saying! Trust me, it's the way you are supposed to approach this.
Here's my story: I moved here a few years back and before that I was the most hated girl in town. I lived in small place, and our school was composed of tops 400 students. Do you know how quickly rumors spread in such a small community? I was only in 6th grade and had a crush on this 8th grader who had been set back a year even... he's was so cute and ALL the girls in every grade liked him. He had a girlfriend thought. I happened to make the mistake of telling a friend that I liked him, and he told his girlfriend who told him to make fun of me. He expressed interest in me though! He said I was cute and that angered the girlfriend so badly that she started telling all her friends that I was a whore. That I had had sex and given blow jobs and so on and so forth. The whole school came to think that of me. Only a few close friends knew the truth. I hadn't even ever kissed a boy! I became depressed because of this. It was so hard to have people hate me and call me things I wasn't. I hated myself. I cried all the time and feel asleep everyday at 5 pm so I wouldn't have to deal with the pain. I hated going to school, walking in the halls. It really hurt. I moved here to the U.S. a while later and the pain was still there for 3 years. Then I fell in love with my boyfriend once I had overcome most of my insecurities. But after 5 months I still couldn't get physical with him... I was so afraid I would be called a whore again... with time and his help I overcame my fear and my life is back on track. It was really hard for me and I learned that what others think doesn't matter. So please, don't make my mistake, don't let her win like I let them win, don't believe her and don't let her ruin your life and the way you see yourself. And don't run away from your problem, face them.
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