I have one chance every 7 days, to talk with my crush for 45 to 60 seconds. The setting of this opportunity is in church (Baptist), right before or after class. How can I maximize my conversation choices/implementation to increase my chances of gaining this girl's interest. She is athletic, and I program (learning x86 asm right now), so do I study volleyball (her sport), on the internet, or do try to find a less specific topic? To give you a ballpark, I'm 14, and I am a freshman, she is also a freshman, but I don't know her age. Thanks, if you need more info, just ask. Oh, and if "Alty", is still online, the advice you gave me really helped, thank you. I know it's rare for a random answer-seeker to come back, but I wanted to check in real quick and ask how things are going.

You can't have any kind of conversation in one minute ! Best bet is to get her alone after church, but your Implementation is up to you ! Take her for a soda and sit down with her. If you want to do this bad enough you will find a way.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ce-777688.html

I guess just getting her number never occurred to you?

You have a minute to SHOW her that you like her and are interested in knowing her better. That isn't done by learning her sport and talking the talk. You aren't on a stage doing a presentation.

It's done with a smile, with eyes lighting up, with a big hello wow am I glad to see you, wish we could spend some time going out for an ice cream or just talking. Oh - and a nice compliment always helps. It isn't about YOU.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ce-777688.html

I guess just getting her number never occurred to you?

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Not her number, but I thought about asking her email...

To the other answers, yes, I know you can't have a conversation in 1 minute. I normally just(if I can), walk up to her and say "Oh(as if I didn't see her when she walked in, and am happily surprised to see her[which sometimes actually happens]), Hello!".
And that's it. I'm hoping that once she gets accustomed to me greeting her, that she won't be weirded out if I ask for her email, or ask to hang out later.

Again, I know that I'm spending too much time on the details, and trying to plan it too much, but that's just who I am.

You really need to reexamine the "who you are" part.

People that have the entire ballgame planned out in their head... before they ever join the team... are doomed to being seroiously disappointed when things don't work as they planned them in their fantasy. And they almost never do.

'I'm hoping that once she gets accustomed to me greeting her, that she won't be weirded out if I ask for her email, or ask to hang out later.'

NO! You are missing a vast in between area of getting to know each other, a quick compliment, a quick question... that's a pretty shirt, what are you planning for this summer, what's your favorite ice cream - if a TV commercial can be 20 seconds, you can double the message in 40. Don't jump into the deep end until you swim across the middle.
It isn't what she says that's important as much as how she says it. If she looks to the side or turns or shrugs, you know that you just aren't her type. Big deal, happens a million times a day. If she's pleasant and attentive, you have a chance to take that next step.

Cut to the Chase. Just ask her if she would like to exchange emails or phone numbers.
Very Simple and to the Point. If she says yes , Bingo if it is no, Nothing Lost and move on.

I think joypulv's answer exercises more reason...
Yes, joypulv, when I say "greeting her", that's what I meant. Like asking when her volleyball season is, what school she goes to, and what the name of her volleyball team is. That way, I am showing that I'm interested in HER, and want to know more about her, at least that's what I'm trying to do. I'll try asking about more diverse things next time, like favorite food, and so on.
Side Note:
She normally has a friend sitting next to her, and when I walk over to talk, I normally just smile, and then start talking to her(the girl I'm interested in), and sort of ignore the friend(what am I supposed to say? "Hello, I have absolutely zero interest in you, and just want to talk to your friend"? of course not, so I'm just silent.). A little while ago, she introduced me to her friend(She said, this is __name__, from my volleyball team[oh, nice to meet you __name__], and this is... __my_name__).
Is that good or bad, that she introduced me to her friend?

That's good. It's the normal and polite thing to do, and you handled it well. She isn't trying to fix you up with her friend, or even trying to deflect - it just is what it appears to be.

Oh, good!

You have been friendly since December. Small friendly chit chat. You call that showing you are interested? What is she a mind reader? Doubt she knows of your grand plan, or who you are.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

You have been friendly since December. Small friendly chit chat. You call that showing you are interested? What is she a mind reader? Doubt she knows of your grand plan, or who you are.

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What did you want me to do, walk up to her and ask her to sit and drink coffee or something with someone she doesn't even know? Not in my life, I won't do something like that to her.

Exactly... while you are spending months working on actually talking with her... some other guy is going to walk up and ask her out... and she will probably go out with them because they actually asked.

Your teenage years will amount to someone else coming in and asking a girl out before you work up to doing it, because asking her out isn't a huge event that requires massive planning. Most people don't plan actual weddings with that much detail.

If you simply walk up and ask a girl out you like.. or talk with her... you find out real fast if she's even interested.

Thtas why I said "you need to re-evaluate " this because that's who you are thing. Or you are going to be the guy that don't get to have many dates.

THe old phrase... "good things come to those who wait" doesn't apply in the dating world. The one that rules the day is "The early bird gets the worm".

Females like confident guys. Confident guys aren't affraid to talk to girls much less ask them out. Talking with a girl requires zero planning...you just do it.

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Originally Posted by _init_

What did you want me to do, walk up to her and ask her to sit and drink coffee or something with someone she doesn't even know? Not in my life, I won't do something like that to her.

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Really... what planet do you live on? That's exactly how you do it in the world I live in.

Asling her to have a coffee or a soda at a public place is very unimposing... its not like walking up to he and asking if she wants to spend the weekend with you in a hotel.

If you can't walk up and talk with her... how exactly do you think you get to know new people? If you can't do that... be ready to accept a life where you don't get to spend much if any time with a person of the opposite sex.


I've dated dozens of women in a couple of countries and from far more countries before I got married at almost 30. I'm speaking from lots of personal experience.

There you have several views. Take them as you will. Surely you can think of a 'next step' thing to do that isn't too much of a leap!

Hold your water young guy, my point was keep it real, in real life, and stop planning in your head. While you plan life just keeps moving on. 4/5 months is enough plan, when does ACTION come? What's so hard about asking for her number to chat during the week?

How do you even know she wants any part of your plan and you fiddle around for 4/5 months?? What you think all she does is worry about the guy at church she says a few words too? You are going to be hurt if you spent 4/5 months planning for NOTHING. Now what? 4/5months isn't a plan, its high hopes, and far too long.

Is this the same girl from the past question?

If you are already asking her about her volleyball schedule and what school she goes to, then why can't you ask her for contact information? Does this have anything to do with your parents' rules on friends and dating? Would they be okay with you asking her out?

Ignoring her friend and only talking to her was rude. Introducing yourself would not have been showing an interest in the friend instead it would have been the polite thing to do. Many females will walk away from males who are rude to their friends.

Have you thought about asking her to sit with you in church?

Let me clarify, I have absolutely ZERO fear of talking to her(yes, the same girl), and we have talked about various topics many times. However, I only have about one minute to talk every week, so I was looking for very compact topics, that have large influence. However, talisman suggested asking her number, and I think I may ask her email next time I see her, so that we can talk more consistently.
And to answer Cat1864, no, asking her out is not an option, at least not on a 1-on-1 date, but inviting her to a group activity is fine.

For some reason, you guys think that my planning/waiting comes from fear, but trust me, it does not. It comes from me just wanting to maximize whatever conversation topic, and the implementation of that topic.
I'm guessing some things just don't follow those criteria, and I'll have to take yet another step, without knowing whether that step is forwards, or backwards...

Excuse me. What is this "One Minute" stuff? Apparently you have a plan and if you
do execute it. You seem to want to drag this out and resent what help that has been given.