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__init__ · Dec 5, 2013, 12:17 AM

I'll keep this short. I like a girl, at my baptist church. I have talked to her a few times, for about 2 minutes each time. We talked about the remodeling project going on at our church. I want to know, what should I talk about and when should I try complimenting her, as I don't want it to be weird. I won't be asking her out, so don't say that. I try to be as understanding, and kind as possible, and I want to be able to get to the point, where SHE walks up to me, and starts a conversation. Then, and only then will I start to compliment her, and ask if I can sit next to her. Is that a good plan? I don't to blow it like I did about a year ago. It's taken me half a year to get over my first "crush", so I really want to get this right.
I'm 14, just so you know.

advicehnein · Dec 5, 2013, 05:16 PM

Honestly I think you should walk straight up to her and tell her she looks good. Be like "i couldnt help but notice ur amazing smile". Girls like confident guys, humor is a bonus too.

pwooden · Dec 5, 2013, 05:37 PM

You can compliment a girl on her hair, eyes, smile, etc. But don't mention any body part below the neck or it can get weird. Even better, compliment her her personality or something nice that you saw her do. Your plan sounds good--go for it!

talaniman · Dec 5, 2013, 06:49 PM

I think you have a selfish lousy plan with some unrealistic expectations. Be yourself in direct honest ways and let her decide if she likes you or not. Then you go from there or accept she doesn't like you like that.

Its her decision entirely whether she wants to walk up to you and start a conversation. What if she wants you to start talking to her all the time? Now what? Compliments are always from the heart and as the spirit moves you. Not some plan or strategy to get attention or curry favor. That borders on devious to me.

Sorry, I hate your plan.

Wondergirl · Dec 5, 2013, 07:05 PM

I hate your plan too. If a guy I had talked to a few times started out his comments with a flowery compliment, I would run away screaming. Like tal said, just be yourself and ask her a question -- "How'd you like that sermon?" or "How long have you been a member here?" or "We're hafving pot roast for dinner when we get home. Does your mom ever make pot roast?"

_init_ · Dec 5, 2013, 11:33 PM

Thanks for your honesty. I have a way, of turning the most heartfelt sympathy, or the most sincere feeling, into a selfish, dry, strategy. Please ignore what I said in the first question, as that is the plan I made, not what is best for her, or me. I just want her to feel safe around me, because I care for her so deeply. When I say that her eyes are pretty, it's not to try and butter her up, it's because her blue eyes remind me of when I went to see the ocean for the first time. When I say I like her personality, it's because when I'm near her, I feel like the world could end right there and then, but if I was there with her, everything would be okay. I just want to know, what does she want to talk about, what would make her feel safe around me?
What makes her happy, gifts, my time, conversations? I'll have to figure these out on my own, in its own time.
Please, tell me if, and where I am wrong about this.
Also, how long should I wait before complimenting her? I want to get to know her, and her to get to know me first, at least.
To be honest, I don't know what the heck to do.

talaniman · Dec 6, 2013, 06:01 AM

Looking people in the eye and just being honest and friendly and paying attention to what they say is about the best way to attract and learn about them, and putting your best foot forward is what makes them comfortable and confident.

Whether that leads to love and romance is entirely up to them. She may not have those same feelings of attraction as you do, but that's okay, because we never know what the future holds, and at your age, you have a lot of future to look forward to. Be your best, and see what happens.

Enjoy the experience.

_init_ · Dec 6, 2013, 09:37 AM

Thank you, I guess this will be some uncharted territory from here on out.

talaniman · Dec 6, 2013, 09:48 AM

Yep! :) :D Definitely a life changing learning experience through growing pains. We ALL go through it. Your turn.

Good Luck, and feel free to ask any questions that pop up.