[Parrothead101]

Been having sex with a man I work with. When he hasn't "had me" for a few days he is SO attentive, kind and very flirty. Comes in an sits by my desk and talks for hours, I go out to smoke... he follows me. Calls me "pet" names all day. Then when I give in to all of his charm and attentive-ness ( which absolutely turns me on) and we have sex, the next day he ignores me and stays extremely busy with his work. Doesn't call me the pet names anymore and pays very little attention to me and is sometimes mean to me. God, I know I am in love with this man and I know he has feelings for me too but WHY IN THE HECK DOES HE ACT THIS WAY?? This is so immature and childish it drives me crazy. I don't ask anything from him but his attention and then he does a total 180 the next day. I try so hard to keep things "light and fluffy" the next day but he starts in being mean and ignores me and then of course I "cop" an attitude. I never thought I would finally meet a man that likes to have sex the way I like it and he is it but I absolutely dread the next day because of his behavior. I have told him about it a couple of times and he said he didn't realize he acted this way but then he got irritated and walked away so nothing was ever resolved. Please someone out there offer me some insight on men and their behavior. I'm sorry to say this but sometimes I understand why people choose to be gay. This is way too much work.

[danielnoahsmommy]

Lots of men have a difficult time the day after and to make it worse you work with him. The next time you meet up with him after work, talk with him and set up parameters of your relationship. When to call after making love, how to act at work etc.

[diya]

Oh, can't you understand what's going on here? Of course you do but heart is ruling over head... sit back, pause and ponder for awhile... moment he gets what he wants, his hunger is satisfied and lion(king of the jungle) gets into the cave... doesn't matter what whether the rest of the animals got their food or not... but the moment he is hungry again, he strikes back with much valour and enthusiasm... isn't it... but the only difference here is that this man is acting like a lion but is actually a dog and you're loving one..! You're the one who's going to lose here honey... not him... take easy

[shygrneyzs]

My advice is to change your job. Get out of the job and quit the guy while you are at it. Someone who is nicey nice to you, attentive, sweet talking, etc. when he wants sex. How hard is that to understand? He wants sex! He will say anything needed to get you in bed with him and it works, doesn't it? So the next day you can be the dog again. How hard is that to understand? He used you, got what he needed, and now is back to his regular, true self. True self. Remember that.

If you want to spend the next few months or years feeling like the used dishrag, then there is nothing else you can do. Accept his behavior as degrading to you, as humiliating to you, as abusive to you. Because that is what it is. That is what he truly is doing to you - degrading you, humiliating you and being abusive (by using you for sex and then blowing you off or being mean).

Do you really want that? I don't think so, or else you would not have posted and asked. You know in your heart that what he is doing is messing you up. You cannot want sex that much to want it with him, knowing how he treats you afterwards. Like a prostitute almost. Someone he knows in bed but not in public. Now I am not saying you are a prostitute, but his behavior is like a man who uses one for his pleasure and that is all he uses her for.

You really need to say no to this guy. Tell him you like him but you will not tolerate his treatment of you. What you have posted is an affirmation for my belief that work and sex do not mix well.

Be strong and find that assertive person in you that can tell this guy to shape up or ship out. You are not going to be treated like this anymore. You do deserve better. Honestly. What you have to give, I do not doubt there is a guy out there for you that can make you happy. But it is not the guy you are working with.

If you find it hard to terminate the relationship, then consider a job change. Away from him. If you need some help in finding the right words or gaining the confidence to break it off, then please go and speak to a counselor, a therapist, who will listen and help you through the options and get your head straight.

Don't be this guy's plaything. You are worth more than that. Good luck.