[playful child]

I see nothing but darkness around me I hear crying and screaming I feel a hand on my shoulder then I hear a voice it says help us . But then he fads away everything does I find myself alone afraid in the darkness I cry no one hears me no one finds me I am alone in the darkness and I'm becoming it. I know now what it feels like to be dead but now that I know I am dead
Tell me what you think of my poem do I need to fix it or something like that:D

[Clough]

I like your creative thoughts. What you are doing is an art, and you are good at it! Keep practicing. I hope you don't mind, but I just changed a few things so that you thoughts have more of a rhythm to them. Also, I thought that your last line didn't quite make sense, so I hope that I fixed it.

Using all small case letters is perfectly acceptable in something like this, since it is an art and small case letters that are usually capitalized can have a meaning in themselves because they are small case. But, I thought that you might like to see what it looked like with the capital letters.

Keep up the good work!

The Darkness Takes Me

I see nothing but darkness around me
I hear crying and screaming
I feel a hand on my shoulder then
I hear a voice it says help us.
But, then he fades away
Everything does

I find myself alone, afraid in the darkness
I cry
No one hears me
No one finds me
I am alone in the darkness
And, I'm becoming it.
I know now what it feels like to be dead
Because now I know I am dead

[risingup]

I like the change in stanzas with the suggestion of the previous person. I like the part about darkness becoming it. Suggestion for the last line because now I know I am without the dead part. It's assumed. It's a good poem and I can visualize it somewhat. I have been writing for years so the best advise I can give you is to include for analogies so that the reader can visualize the darkness that you already understand and know. Keep writing!!