[Thoughts]

Hi, I'm so glad that I found this place, so many bright people, Hi All...
Well, I have a daughter she will be 5 soon. I have a good relationship with her father that we are divorced when my daughter was 1 year old. We just communicate about her. Im not sure if it is normal or not for a girl of her age to ask about having her Mom and Dad tougether again.
She stays with her dad every other weekend and on day a week. She is not going to school yet and her activities are ballet and art classes and I am always with her.
The other day she said to me, Mom do you want to be in love with my dad? do you want to go to dance with my dad? if you live in my dad house and you want to kiss I go to watch TV because is yaquy...
And quite often she comes with comments like that. I don't know from where she take this or if it is just product of her imagination. I am 29 years old and she is my first child and I am kind of confused.
This is not the first that this happened, one year ago she was saying similar things and her father asked me from where she was saying that dady loves momy and momy loves daddy, and by coinsidence or I don't know, her father asked me to get back tougether at that time.
We didn't get back together we just had a fight after that propossition for personal reassons, but my daughter never find out. Yes she had a bad time because she thought that we were going to get back tougether at that time because her father ones call me with her at the phone and told me that he loves me in front of her. Ive got really mad because we didn't talk about anything in private and say those things in front of her were going to be painfull if the reality was different.
The thing is that after that one year, today and she is starting to ask things again. And I feel like I don't know what to tell her , because she is very smart and I think it is not enough if I just tell her that we love her anyway, that we just have two houses and momy and daddy just decide to live separated.
I am confused and sad because she is my world and I want to find the right way of telling her what is going on so she doesn't get hurt much. Thanks so much I truly appreciate your answers. Sry my english it is not my first language.

[J_9]

Oh, hun, I am sorry you are going through this. I am sure it hurts you to hear this from your precious girl.

Now, yes, this is normal. It is normal and healthy for her to be asking these questions. I don't know how much television you allow, but look, most of them, even in cartoons, live in a two parent family household. I am sure she may even be exposed to this with her friends. (I don't know your situation, so I am only guessing, okay)

From what I have read, it sounds as though you may have explained it well. You can tell her (if you haven't already) that "Mommy and Daddy love you very much, you are very important to us. But right now honey, Mommy and Daddy each have their own home and that means that you have two homes. I wish we could all live together, but that is just not possible right now."

Just make sure you do what you are already doing and do not argue in front of her, also, please do not give her false hopes that someday you will get back together.

[vlee]

I have to say I don't think you should say you wish you could all live together... it makes it sound like you want to, and clearly you don't. Saying things like that is liable to give her false hope or make her try to "fix" whatever needs to be changed so that you all can live together. It is normal for children to want their parents to be together. I have been divorced for 4 years and my daughter still mentions things about her father and I living together. She doesn't even remember when we actually did share a home. But she understands (and will sometimes even add this to the end of her daydreams of reconciliation) that mom and dad will never live in the same house together again. You need to get on dad's case about talking about getting back together in front of your daughter... it shouldn't happen. If you want to talk about it you need to do it over the phone when she is asleep. Your daughter only needs to know that you both love her, you will work together when it comes to her, and other than that your lives are separate. Good luck.

[Thoughts]

Hi, Thanks so much for the advice... Yes she watch TV and I know that they are like a sponge they absorve everything. Also she remember some things about the time we used to live like a family and she make questions about it.
My bigger concern it is besides telling her that we love her, that it is not her fault and that we will be there for her always... it is how especific we should have to be when she start to understand more and want to know the reassons why? We thanks God are to people that truly love our daughter and we don't argue in front of her so she doesn't have an idea for what reassons we don't live tougether if we understand each other so well in front of her. I don't know how honest I will need to be in the future when she understand more. If telling her our real problems will affect her in her future relationships for example. If it is necessary to tell her the truth... Thanks so much...

[NowWhat]

I would not get very specific with the problems. She probably would not be able to process these things. You could tell her that when Mommy and daddy lived together, that neither of you were happy and now that you have your own homes - you are much happier and can be better parents to her. And that you will always love each other - because with out each other she would not be there and that she is the best gift that you have ever gotten.

[Thoughts]

Yes I like that sounds good... and it is the truth too.. Thanks so much...

[shygrneyzs]

Have you talked to your ex husband and asked him to not say the kinds of things he says to your daughter? The telling you that he loves you, when your daughter is right there. That has to be confusing for your daughter.

The rest of the advice given is all sound and should help you. Best of everything to you and your daughter.