[doubfulGF]

Here are reasons I'm doubting my ex-bf is gay:

1. he is insensitive, passive and can hardly show emotions like excitement, worry, pain, happiness (aside from laughing at jokes)
2. his uncle is gay and he told me his uncle is successful and that if he can't find a job, he would just ask his uncle to let him manage one of his salons
3. his younger brother is gay and he gets offended if we ask him if his brother is gay , he says he is not (he's like denying it even if it's obvious)
4. he assured me when we were new in the relationship that a break up will only be possible if I initiated it and it will never be because of him and that third party will never be an issue on his part (although he is really good-looking)
5. he jumps from one relationship to another and has an average relationship-span of less than 2 years before the girl calls it quits
6. he tells me things I want to hear and follows what I tell him and couldn't seem to compose his own words (like if I say I love you, he says I love you, if I say I hate you, he says , I hate you... )
7. when I said "im calling it quits coz im tired of this", he also said "fine! im tired too" and didn't have further questions and his best friend told me he seemed very unaffected by our break up
8. he hates all her ex -gfs or thinks it was all their fault and not his fault why the relationship did not work out
9. he never went down on me not even once but always asks me for a bj if we have sex
10. We only have sex at an average of 5x in a year or once in a quarter and then it's always one round
11. He doesn't seem to know how to do foreplay, our sex is like 20 minutes and it's done and he sleeps
12. He seems to enjoy more the company of his friends than me
13 he has never planned any date for our special occasions, just normal dinner and then meet up with friends after
14. He always asks me where to go, what to do and couldn't seem to decide on his own
15. Generally, he is a very quiet person who seems to have a lot of emotions going on inside him
16. He has been on the same job with his best friend for the past 3 companies, and it has always been his priority to work in the same company as his best friend
17. He has a problem communicating with his family , he hasn't engaged in any deep conversations with his family except his best friend
18. We never had passionate kissing, for the past several months it was just smooches and smacks and hugs
19. He implies that as long as he is not cheating on me , it's okay, and keeps asking me "what more do you want?"

---i know it's a long list... but IS HE GAY or confused? And then if he is in denial, what is he going through right now? Could it be that the repression is the cause of him being incapable of showing emotions? I noticed that he really has a strong bond with his best friend and when I talked with his best friend, he told me that he is also doubting if he is gay because he seems to have a lot of things at the back of his mind and that despite their closeness, he hasn't seen him show emotions of pain. And that sometimes, if he is not around, the rest of his friends would joke that "he might be gay coz he isn't even aware he is dating all the hot girls we want to date, and then he turns down his gf sexually".

IF he is gay and is in denial, is he going to be that for the rest of his life? EMOTIONLESS?

[saraispiel19]

Umm.. I think he's gαy but then αgαin you never know.. mαybe he's like thαt becαuse he wαs sexuαlly αbused αs α child? Umm.. reαlly only he knows.. there is not gαy rαdαr yet... hαs αnyone αsked him before?--whαt does his best friend think?.

[lacuran8626]

I don't know if he's gay or not but it's clear that he is not the person you need to be with romantically. I think you need to break up with him and move on. YOu don't have to be mean, and you really don't have to fully understand his motivations - you possibly will never get the full truth from him. What you do need to do is take care of your own emotional health, and staying with him is clearly hurting you.

My feeling is that as lonely as it is to be without a relationship, there is nothing lonlier than being in a one-sided relationship like you describe. He probably loves you but is gay, so doesn't know what to do with that love.

[doubfulGF]

umm.. i think he's gαy but then αgαin you never know..mαybe he's like thαt becαuse he wαs sexuαlly αbused αs α child?? umm.. reαlly only he knows.. there is not gαy rαdαr yet... hαs αnyone αsked him before?--whαt does his best friend think?..

Do you think that there could be a possbility that his gay uncle abused him when he was a child? Or may be it's with the genes because of his younger brother being gay too... but he seems to have full of respect for his gayuncle.

[doubfulGF]

I don't know if he's gay or not but it's clear that he is not the person you need to be with romantically. I think you need to break up with him and move on. YOu don't have to be mean, and you really don't have to fully understand his motivations - you possibly will never get the full truth from him. What you do need to do is take care of your own emotional health, and staying with him is clearly hurting you.

My feeling is that as lonely as it is to be without a relationship, there is nothing lonlier than being in a one-sided relationship like you describe. He probably loves you but is gay, so doesn't know what to do with that love.

Well, sad to admit but sometimes it comes to my mind.. that if only he'd tell me and be honest with me about what's going on with him, I would have supported him and understood him... and will never leave him if he just asks me to help him with his struggle... I know it sounds martyr, but that's just how much I love him. Because he was really a good person and if that repressed feeling was the only cause why he couldn't show emotions, I would have helped him... but it's over now... we broke up last week and hasn't communicated since. He has deleted all our pics from friendster and my testimonials to him... I might be selfish, all I wanted was to hear from him sincerely that he loves me because all this time, even if he was saying it to me every day, I couldn't feel it really coming from him. They were just empty words...

[Ash123]

He's gay as a tree ful of parrots. (or might as well be)

But more importantly, whether he is or not, the reason you posted is because you are sad and confused and want a way out, but still love him.

I would suggest taking your on-line questions and making them in-person questions:
Of him - to a therpist - to yourself.

Then, I would ask myself if this is enough. If not, begin to mentally prepare for a new life.
It is not easy, but it will make more sense the year after... when you have moved on.

You are stuck.

Do not feel powerless. Life has many choices. He made his. Now you make yours.

Here when you need...

A

[doubfulGF]

Some more insights ? :)

[smoothy]

He may be a sociopath... but not gay.

He sounds like a certified egocentric butthead.

[doubfulGF]

He may be a sociopath..... but not gay.

He sounds like a certified egocentric butthead.

What do you mean? :)

[Ash123]

Smoothy means, just that. if your man is not gay then he's into himself only.

The thing that is hardest to remember in these situations: it's irrevelant at the end of the day. If you are happy - it's OK. If you are not - it's not... since you are questioning your own sanity and his sexual preference his behavior has taken too big a hold on you.

SO: Once you accept that your happiness matters - you can move on. He can follow if he wants but it sounds like it's too late.

[doubfulGF]

Smoothy means, just that. if your man is not gay then he's into himself only.

the thing that is hardest to remember in these situations: it's irrevelant at the end of the day. if you are happy - it's ok. if you are not - it's not...since you are questioning your own sanity and his sexual preference his behavior has taken too big a hold on you.

SO: Once you accept that your happiness matters - you can move on. he can follow if he wants but it sounds like it's too late.

Yeah... I know that I'll be happier eventually if I am able to finally move on without him, and although sometimes, I feel that he has taken away my happiness but I know ill have it back once I have moved on... I know I still love him, but right now, I have already made my final decision to let go and move on.

[doubfulGF]

I think just you just need to reach out on him and initiate into deeper conversation. He seem troubled, hurt, and ashamed. You seem to be overreacting but if you really love this man then do soemthing to make your relationship worthwhile not judge him. I'd be more supportive if I were you and even if he has tendency to like men you could at least show some support and see if that's what he likes and you make your decision from there.

I actually am willing to support him, it'sjust that he is denying it with himself... and thinks there is no problem with himself and that we simply got tired of each other.
And I've been thinking about that, if he was just honest to me, and told me that's why he couldn't satisfy me even if he really wanted to, was bcause he is gay... I would have really accepted him and didn't reject him... although I will back out a little as a lover, but I will never leave him as a friend.

[E3317]

He probably is gay, but you can't prove it unless you catch him. If it is that bad let it go move on, life is too short for that crap

[smoothy]

what do you mean? :)

Like ASH123 said... he is too into himself.

He doesn't care what others think, he believes the world revolves around him. In effect he thinks he is right and everyone around him has to conform to his way of doing things as he is right and perfect.

There are both men and women like this. I try to avoid them.

[doubfulGF]

Like ASH123 said....he is too into himself.

He doesn't care what others think, he believes the world revolves around him. In effect he thinks he is right and everyone around him has to conform to his way of doing things as he is right and perfect.

There are both men and women like this. I try to avoid them.

Thanks, smoothy.. I know I'm really on the right track.

[kepi]

It sounds to me like is just an egotistical jerk. But like it was said before, there isn't a "gay test" you could administer. I think his lack of interest for him performing oral sex on you is a bit puzzling, but a lot of guys don't care about the partner, sadly.

I would suggest you talk to him- only way to find out for sure.

[doubfulGF]

Luckily, he's an ex now... and we don't communicate anymore... ever since the break up... I never texted him and he did the same too :)