[Dilemma Emma]

Hi I'm 16, I started having sex this last winter with my boyfriend. We have been going out for 7 months. He is the same age as me and I love him very very much. I always wonder why do guys feel sex always and its hard for girls to feel anything. I mean I have felt like something is wrong with me because I can't feel anything. Its difficult for me to try new positions besides him on top but I feel like if something doesn't change soon then I don't know. I mean I always want to have sex with him but it doesn't do anything I guess I hope that one of these times it will just work.. well when I had sex with him the first time he did not "pop my cherry" and that was my first step to not feeling normal. I mean its not just me my boyfriend hates it that I don't feel anything and says he doesn't want to have sex because it doesn't pleasure me and that just makes me feel worse. What can I do? I want an orgasm so bad OR AT LEAST TO FEEL SOMETHING.


Please help..

[persainpapaya]

First of all Woa, girl! You need to realize that your body is just now really beginning to form and finish the full functioning of your sexual organs. Your body is not ready for you to be having sex yet, and your brain isn't either. I mean that in the nicest way. I just attended a seminar last week where it was explained to me that teenagers make up only 10% of our population... but carry 25% of the Sexually Transmitted Diseases. And several of them are transmitted by skin to skin contact (such as the incurable HPV), so even a condom won't stop it. In some ways, because your body is not fully ready for sex, you are like a magnet to these diseases. I don't mean to scare you, but only want to make sure you are aware of these facts. Please be careful, honey. And if no one else has told you this... you are a princess, and your virginity is a gift, you should save it for the man who marries you. Blessings.

[smoothy]

It sounds to me like you are having sex just because its what he wants... thats not what you should be doing. At 16 there are too many things that can happen (think baby, or incurable disease, some fatal). So rethink why you are having sex at this age. Any guy worth having is going to stand by you even without sex. Most guys that age will do or say anything just to get in your pants (lie, cheat, whatever) you want someone honest and true. Not pretending just to get you to put out. Trust me, I've known too many girls and women in your situation in my life.

[Ash123]

I have said this in the past and will repeat it here.
Your body is giving you a mesage. Slow down...
Many women do not experience full and satisfying orgasms for a good decade
later than you are now.

In other words, this is your time for school and safe sex
If you must. But it is normal to wait. You will not fall behind or miss something.
Everyone is not having great sex. It's too early... The more you take your time,
The more you will feel later - self confidence and body confidence allow for a more fulfilling intimate time with a partner.

As for "feeling" something... It's NORMAL not to feel much now... Your body needs time.

[kp2171]

ill start this by saying you might not be ready really... but I'm not going to make that choice for you... so here goes nothing...

sex is just as much mental as physical, and a woman's body, in my opinion, demands a lot more to be in synch to reach orgasm than a mans.

I could do all the "right things" to my partner, intercourse or oral, and if she's not lost in the moment there's just no chance.

most guys, on the other hand, could probably get off while watching the football game... in fact, that might be defined as great sex. =)

so... there's the mental side... you have to lose yourself in the moment.

then there's the experience side. He has to know what to do to please you and you have to know what you like.

do you ever get yourself off by yourself? If you don't know what you like how is he? And if you don't tell him what to do he's just going to do what he likes.

the cl!toris is in a lousy place for women. If it were in the vaginal canal men and women might like the same things... but cl!toral stimulation requires pressure and friction in a place that isn't needed for him to come.

here's a trick. If he's inside you, missionary position, can you get there by reaching down and massaging your cl!toris with your fingers? I dated a girl who needed this and it got her off almost all the time.

of course the next girl hated that technique. She was too sensitive for strong direct stimulation. Her fav was light oral followed by her riding on top to get more pressure on her pelvis and be able to control c!itoral stim.

in the end... my experience is that women who aren't afraid to ask for what they want or who are willing to self stimulate some (cl!toral and breast) are more likely to hit orgasm than those who don't and are not.

takes time and work and effort. And you need to mentally be turned on. Not just doing it because you want to.