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KManda · Apr 29, 2007, 12:01 AM

Seeking advice/input on a couple of things... I was served custody papers this week for my (almost 5-year-old) daughter. The father wants e/o weekend visition (Friday eve - Monday eve).

In the short term, I'm not opposed to her having a relationship with this person however I am opposed to dropping my child off with a virtual stranger for overnight visitation (he stopped visiting her when she was 10 months old - he does have child support garnished however - what constitutes abandoment - does CS avoid it?). Honestly, his visitation after our separation was not always kept and lasted only 4 months - I would hate to put her through developing a relationship with this man only to have him check out again later.

In the long term this type of visitation creates a few problems - one, this would keep her from church (we attend weekly - I'm a children's ministry director) and additionally she will be starting kindergarten in the fall and wouldn't an e/o "weekend" end on Sunday? What can I reasonably expect on those issues? He self-filed, and I'm not sure this seems like suitable visitation given the lack of parental history.

Additional question - moderation visits are no cost in this county (a couple at least) is this worth the time or should I just get a lawyer. Frankly, I think if I get a lawyer he may give up.

Thank you for your tips.

(p.s. I live in Oregon if anyone has state-specific input)

grammadidi · Apr 29, 2007, 11:37 PM

This is something that will affect the life of your child (and you) for the rest of her life. Get a lawyer.

As for your daughter developing a relationship with him and him skipping out again, yes, it's a risk... but honestly, unless he is a risk - some visitation is better than none. She will form her own opinions as she gets older.

If nothing else I would think graduated visits are in order to allow the child time to get to know him - perhaps supervised ones given his history of sporadic or no visitation and because she doesn't know him.

Please speak with a lawyer though. This is just too important to mess up.

Hugs, Didi

ScottGem · Apr 30, 2007, 06:15 AM

I have a suspicion that this is a ploy to change the support agreement. If you had to garnish his wages to get the support it would be that he is reluctant to pay. So he could be dong this to get changes.

I do agree you should get a lawyer. But what he is asking for doesn't mean he will get it. When you go for the hearing bring all your proofs, of attending church and school issues etc.

NowWhat · May 3, 2007, 06:58 AM

As everyone has said - get a lawyer.
Most states have a standard visitation guideline. I have never seen one that has a visitation run over until Monday evening.
It typically is Friday to Sunday. If he picks her up at say 5:30 pm - he is to drop her off at 5:30 pm.
I would ask for supervised visitation in the beginning just because your child really doesn't know this person. I don't know that I would feel comfortable sending my daughter over a weekend with someone she doesn't know.
You could ask that he see her supervised for maybe one night a week for a while and then you can graduate up when she is ready.
When you filed for child support - was a visitation schedule not put in place? Just because it's there doesn't mean he is going to see her - but was something originally set up?