[dherman1]

The day after I called her while hanging upside down in my car, my wife of 21 years decided to ask for a divorce.

Part of the reason is that I am a recovering gambler. I racked up a ton of debt. All in my own name with the exception of one joint credit card.

The reason why is that I have messed up financially in the past and she gave me one more time to clean up two times ago.

Well, finally, through intensive therapy, I am beginning to understand why have put my life in jeopardy so many times.

She threatened me with loss of shared legal custody of the kids if I didn't continue with treatment. Granted, at my lowest point, I was suicidal but with God's help, I didn't.

Because of my debt situation, I can't afford to move out as I will need the money from the sale to help pay off my debts and to hopefully find a new house.

She has been petty and sniping a lot recently as we have been spending a lot of time getting our house ready to be sold.

What can I do to help minimize the tension in the house?

I suggested she seek therapy, but she basically told me to take a flying leap. Any help on that front would be great as well.

We are filing as joint petitioners for the divorce but she did something today that I almost want to change so that I am filing for divorce from her. I will probably cool down enough so that I won't be able to do anything stupid.

Thanks for listening.

Dan

[LuvMyMaltipoo]

"I suggested she seek therapy, but she basically told me to take a flying leap. Any help on that front would be great as well."

Haha, not the best thing a man could say to a woman. I highly discourage telling a woman she needs therapy. I'm surprised you got to keep all your fingers and toes with that one! ;) Just trying to lighten to mood.

To minimize the tension in the house: THINK before you speak. It's obviously a stressful time, with the divorce and selling the house. You don't need to get angry and say things you don't mean, cooling off WAS the right thing to do. Don't forget that the situation IS partly your fault and you should just peacefully help out as much as you can... considering you REALLY need the money too.

[kp2171]

All you can do is all you can do.

She is likely "owed" some pettiness. Lets face it... chances are she had no desire to be divorced. She's just had enough.

And you might need to put up with it for a bit.

One problem that is common in a divorce is when the man (or woman) that is the "the problem" becomes a better person... a better father, for example. My brother-in-law is a prime example.

Faced with the prospect of losing his kids, he has been a better father in the last year that he has in the past 10. This can drive an ex mad. Had he been that man before he likely wouldn't have had a divorce.

It's a mad cycle.

So... all I can say is try to be kind during this time. She's likely really, really mad that its come to this, even if she's "pushed" for the divorce.

Its going to take some time for you two to find some common ground that you can share again. If you aren't willing to be patient, then you really aren't done understanding yet.

I'm glad you have sought help. Live your life by doing the right things. In time you will be rewarded. Maybe by her, maybe not. But it will come back to you.