[rkp]

My 9 year old sons father has agreed to terminate his parental rights and let my husband adopt our son. (My husband and I have a 5 year old and a baby together) My sons father really just doesn't see him that often and he lives 3 hours away. He has never been an active part of my sons life but he does know him. I think that he really just doesn't want to pay child support.

The question is: how do I go about explaining to my 9 year old that he will no longer be having any contact with his biological father, stepmother, and half sister?

I want to broach the subject in a way that won't make my son feel abandoned.
2 weeks ago the biological father sent a letter from an attorney saying that he wanted more visitation, in my reply (via my attorney) I said that I thought that he should terminate his rights or I put in a visitation schedule that is more accommodating to my sons sports schedule and interests. I can't really believe that he chose to give up the rights to our son just to get more money every month.

What should I say to my son to help him feel as good about the situation as possible?

[don8]

If your current husband wants to adopt him maybe you can tell him that you and his step dad love him very much and have talked to his bio dad and have thought about letting his step dad adopt him and ask him how that would make him feel. Be sure and tell him that his step dad wants to be his dad and his real dad since he has not had a lot of time to spend with him thinks it might be a good idea and that it doesn't mean that he doesn't love him but he just wants what is best for him and having a full time dad is what you have all agreed that he needed. I know that this will be a hard situation to deal with and I wish you the best of luck and if you ever need to talk be sure to pm me.

[Illusion]

Have you talked with your 9 year old whether he would like to be adopted by his StepFather? If not, you might want to explain to your son what adoption is. If your child does not agree then I would not pursue it. Is adoption by the StepFather absolutely necessary? The adoption will have long-term legal and emotional impact on your son, regardless of how much involvement there has been up to this point. An adoption should take place if it is in the best interest of the child - not in the best interest of someone's bank account. And certainly not in the best interest of the adults involved. Is adoption one way to "get back" at or punish each other? Adoption should not be used as a weapon because you are talking about the life of a 9 year old child. If he agrees to terminate his parental rights because it would save the Father money - then I as the mother would not agree to such a request. He has a child and it is his responsibility to pay. Your child is not a toy that can be returned to the store for refund.

I would suggest if the Father is asking for visitation with his son - then you need to hold off your anger/resentment for the sake of your child - and allow the visitation. The visits are not for you - they are for a little boy and his Father. You may not want a relationship/friendship with your ex-husband and that is fine - but your son has a right to know his Father and to have a relationship with him. Your son will undoubtedly feel very hurt over this whole situation. He knows who his Father is and does have a relationship with him and the other relatives. It will be a terrible loss for him if he will no longer see his Father and the relatives. I would ask you to re-consider for your son's sake.

[Fr_Chuck]

I will agree someone needs to talk to the 9 year old and see what he thinks about it. And who says he will not see his 1/2 sister, it is still his sister and he may want to see her. Also you have to understand if his parents, ( child's grandparents what to see the child, some states are allowing them some rights) but in states that do not, I still believe they should have some rights) But he should always be allowed some contact with the sister.

Also to be honest, if he latter decides he wants to see his father you could not stop him anyway

I am glad you have someone who is willing to adopt, he is a great man for this, and normally I agree often this is for the best. But you say the father does not visit, then you say he is going to miss the step mom and sister, the only way he could miss them, is by seeing them some.

So since he has been having contact, I am not sure this may be in the best interest of the child? Sorry but I doubt you would want me the judge on this one.