[Nick from Indiana]

First off I am a 28 year old single guy. I was living in a house with a roommate until November. Some things happened where she could no longer afford the house that we were living in. She had less money due to a job change so we both decided that we would get our own places. I was moving in on November 17th. On the 16th I get a message from my brother on Myspace saying that Gary (my mothers boyfriend) was threatening to have him arrested. I can't reach them by phone so I go over to their house. I get in there and find out that Gary had indeed called the police on him the night before. Yada yada yada, my Mom needs a place to stay for a few weeks because Gary is throwing my brother out of the house. It's his house and he can do what he wants. My mother asks if she can stay with me and I agree. I haven't had the gas turned on yet because I wasn't able to be there the first time they came out. So I have no heat for 3 days in November. I ask Gary if they can stay there until I have it turned on and he says yes. What harm is 3 more days right? The next day I get another message. This is the day that I am moving. It basically says that Gary decided to not let them stay. I make arrangements with my former roommate so that they can stay with her until I have heat. She has no problem with this at all. Tuesday the gas gets turned on and they come to stay with me for two weeks. The she has enough saved up to get an apartment. I give her my van because Gary owned the car she drove. Everything is fine for a few months. The my Mom begins to tell me that my brother has been doing things destructive around the place and that she cam home and found some girl in her bed. There were also beer cans everywhere. Apparently there was a party. They yell and fight and my mother leaves to go hang out with Gary. She was too upset to saty at home I guess. Later that night the police are called for some reason and my brother gets arrested. It was a possession charge, a minor one, but it's still a crime and I hate drugs anyway. I didn't care. If my brother wanted to ruin his life it was not my concern. I tried to help before but it didn't work.

Two days after that, I get home and check my messages. My Mom seems upset. Not crying, but upset nonetheless. I call her back and she says she wants to make me a deal. She wants to pay me to take my brother in and live with me for 3 months until he's 18. The I guess I'm supposed to kick him to the curb or something. I say no. Our Dad pays her child support for HER to take care of him. Plus with all that had been going on I didn't want him anywhere near my home. She tries to give me a guilt trip but it doesn't work because I'm not his parent, she is. I say no and end the conversation thinking that it had been settled. I call my Dad and let him know what is going on. He call her and they have some kind of discussion. Again, not my concern.

I come home 5 days later and my brother is in front of my apt building with all of his stuff. He has a note from my Mom that says she will pay me and she hopes that I am not mad. I help him carry his things inside because it's raining, and no matter what he has done, it's no longer about him. I call my Dad. He is unable to take in my brother because he had just been hurt at work and was not going to be able to take him in. I knew this and I understood. I knew what had happened in the accident and had seen the pictures. I say that since my brother has no place else to go, I guess I'll let him stay with me.

Although he is very annoying (he's 17) he isn't the monster that my Mom had made him out to be. Gary stopped by one time and gave me $100. The idea was that he was going to give me that each week until my brother was 18. My Dad had let me know that if I needed anything to call him and he would take care of it, or he could just give me the child support check instaed of my Mom. I took the check. After that I was no longer getting money from my Mom. She was doing my brothers laundry, but she stopped doing that as well. No I have him here and he is a drain on me. Emotionally, finacially (the support helps, but isn't enough. I guess that why it is called support and not paid in full). What can I do to at least get from my mother what my Dad paid in child support. The support agency was no help. They said that since he was so close to 18 I should just let it go. I want my Mother to be the one to bear the burden of this not me.

Is there anything that I can do?

[RubyPitbull]

Wow Nick. That is a pretty heavy burden that your Mom has placed upon you. It sounds to me as if you have your head screwed on right. You handled this the only way an adult can when given these circumstances. Your mother needs to grow up. It is a shame that you seem to be put in the position of playing the adult to your mother's childishness. Legally, there isn't a lot you can do. Since your brother will be turning 18 shortly, by the time you manage to do anything, it will be past that point.

It is truly a shame that she is placing her boyfriend above your brother's needs. No wonder he is a problem. He isn't mature enough chronologically or emotionally to deal with this kind of rejection and is acting out, as any child would.

You may want to consider this as a chance to help your brother grow up and fly straight. You seem to be the only stabilizing factor in his life. Can you manage to have a heart to heart with him and explain the financial situation? Convince and help him to get an after school job so that he can start pulling his weight? It will teach him responsibility and should help in keeping him out of trouble. I am not saying you must do this, I am only suggesting this for your consideration. If you really cannot deal with having your brother live with you, pack up your brother and his stuff, and dump him back at your mother's place. In the end, he is her responsibility, not yours.

[Nick from Indiana]

He's actually going to be leaving for the military in May. It will be shortly after he turns 18, but it was his choice. I wanted him to make a phone call to see what it would take to get his ged, but he called a recruiter instead. He's really excited, and I am too. I can handle him being here, because I know what he would face if he went back to live with my Mom. It wouldn't be good.

[RubyPitbull]

Well, that is great Nick. Actually, going into the military is a very productive move on his part. As long as you can deal with it for another few weeks, it sounds like the best course of action. You are a good person. Later in life, you will be repaid for your kindness tenfold. You will have a relationship with your brother that will be rock solid. After all, when our parents die, all we have is our siblings. Wishing you both the best of luck! :)