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    candy42's Avatar
    candy42 Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    Apr 14, 2007, 07:59 AM
    Bi polar 19 year old daughter

    WE sent our daughter away to college and she is living in an apartment above grandparents. Unfortutanely, she has gone from bad to worse. We live in Germany and want to bring her back. We found out she has been using drugs and abusing alcohol, been sexually acitive and grandparents can no longer deal with her. I am planning to fly out and bring her back. She just started seeing a psychiatrist who says she is mixed bi-polar.

    I told her I was going to come get her soon. I told her only one of her ferrets could come. She has one other ferret and dog. She has been neglecting them. She says she loves them and would do something drastic if she could not take them with her. I feel this is a minupulation but am worried. She is not rational in her thinking. I think she is sorry for getting caught, but not sorry for her actions. Her grandparents will no longer let her stay with them after May 5th.

    She becomes obsessed about anyhting that strikes her interest. The animals are one such obsession. She is 19 years old and is old enough not to come with me. I think she may try and bolt and move in with a boyfriend before I get there in a week. I just told her I wasn't coming so it would buy me time and hopefully, keep her from running off.

    I'm worried about her reaction when I get there. What can I do to get her safely back with me so I can monitor her and get her to some programs? If I don't get her back I'm afraid she will end up in jail.

    Any suggestions are enormously appreciated.

    Thank you,

    A Mom who's heart is broken.
    BlakeCory's Avatar
    BlakeCory Posts: 236, Reputation: 21
    Full Member

    Apr 14, 2007, 10:03 AM
    Remember that logic and reason will not help you. Being bipolar moods will change in the blink of an eye.

    Emotionally on a scale of 1 - 10
    1 feeling like your favorite person in the whole world just died in front of you
    10 being granted your most secret wish

    She can move from 3 to 8 without touching 4, 5, 6, or 7. A normal person moves on a rubber band attached to 5 (being an average day) Whenever you move up or down that rubber band tries to pull you back to normal.

    Without this balance and stability she cannot understand how she feels and it is almost impossible for her to make good decisions. The more she is pushed the harder she will push back. In severe cases the scale can even stretch farther ranging from below 1 and past 10.

    The best course of action is to remain calm, help her to feel safe. You need her to know that you're there to help and love her. You're goal should be to see a psychiatrist that can help her from hurting herself. Counseling will be the next step. Things may get worse before they get better, but there is always hope.

    I have been living with the struggles of bipolar all my life, feel free to ask for any help.

    God Bless
    RubyPitbull's Avatar
    RubyPitbull Posts: 3,575, Reputation: 648
    Ultra Member

    Apr 14, 2007, 01:12 PM
    Candy, blake has given you some wonderful insight here.

    Just as an FYI, I have a friend who experienced the same problem that you are experiencing. The only difference is that it was her son and he was going to school in Germany. Your best bet in getting her help is to do what my friend did. DO NOT try to get her on an airplane, but immediately get her help in Germany. Since my friend is out of the country at the moment, I can't contact her for the name of the doctor and clinic that she contacted over there. So, you are going to have to do a little legwork. Start researching the mental health clinics in the area in which your daughter is living. Her grandparents might also be of help to you with this. Start with their family doctor if you have to. Do not let your daughter find out what you are doing. Once you locate a psychiatrist or therapist, contact them and explain the situation. They will give you guidance from there. Once a doctor over there has managed to work with her and get her on the proper medication, it will be much easier to get her back here and into a program close to your home.
    RubyPitbull's Avatar
    RubyPitbull Posts: 3,575, Reputation: 648
    Ultra Member

    Apr 15, 2007, 05:29 AM
    Candy, I am sorry. Sometimes we have off days and read and interpret things improperly. Where is your daughter now? Different country or different part of Germany? Maybe we can do some research to help you find clinics, where she is located.
    luvmy_3_angels's Avatar
    luvmy_3_angels Posts: 13, Reputation: 3
    New Member

    Apr 15, 2007, 06:37 AM
    I am so sorry to hear that you're having to go through this. I know as a parent, ou want to protect your child in every way and I can imagine it is hard when the laws can keep you from doing what you think is necessary. With her being 19, she doesn't have to do what you say. So, you do need to be careful in letting her know the things you are doing, because a 19 yo without bipolar, is going to want to go against their parents' decisions, so her resistance would probably be more. 19 is a really hard age to be at anyway, you're ready to be on your own, away from your parents, do you own thing and learn your own mistakes, even if it's living with your grandparents while you do it. What kind of drugs has she been doing? Drugs are bad, but can make bipolar worse. Sometimes bipolar can be so bad that they don't realize that they hurt you, all they know is they are protecting themselves, so sometimes they get violent. If you're going to "suprise" her and just show up to bring her home, I owuldn't do it alone. When bipolar takes over and they go through one of their spells, they get extremely strong and irrational, especially if drugs are involved. So, even though you love your daughter, you need to think about yourself too. Be safe. I don't know how the laws work over there, but I live in the SouthEast, United States and my husband's aunt is bipolar manic depressive paranoid scizophrenic. She tried to kill me and said my baby needed to die too. The only reason she went to jail that night is because she was hollering at the cop. We have been dealing with her trying to burn her house down, several times, which is next door to my mother in law and her other sister, she has attacked her sisters and said some horrible things to my little brother in law. We have been trying for 5 yrs to put her permanently in a mental institution because she refuses to take her meds and "likes" to be the way she is, she says. The law will not let us put her away until she actually kills someone. Crazy, huh? She too, loved her animals, but neevr took care of them. She actually attacked a mail lady and put her in the hospital because she hit her dog a little bit with the car when driving away. But my point is this, you need to check out your laws for family intervention. Maybe there's a possibility that her age doesn't matter. If she's been proven bipolar, maybe you can make her come home and get help. She will need counseling and a lot of support and love from your family, including her grandparents, since I'm assuming your daughter will probably have a grudge against them for "making her go home". You definitely need to do your research in bipolar, counseling, how to tak to them or bring them down when thye are being irrational. I hope things go well for you and I will be praying for you and your family.
    luvmy_3_angels's Avatar
    luvmy_3_angels Posts: 13, Reputation: 3
    New Member

    Apr 15, 2007, 06:46 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by luvmy_3_angels
    But my point is this, you need to check out your laws for family intervention. Maybe there's a possibility that her age doens't matter. If she's been proven bipolar, maybe you can make her come home and get help.

    Just to clarify,I didn't mean bring her home and put her in a mental institution. I meant maybe you can get it court-appointed for her to have scheduled visits with a counselor and get tested and make sure she takes her medicine. A lot of people who are bipolar never have a problem with taking medication, but I'm simply thinking of how a lot of kids I know/knew were, and how I was when I was 19. More than likely, (which you know your daughter, I do not) she will want to rebel and will probably be mad that you are "intervening" in her life when she is trying to be an adult. Therefore, she may not take her meds, so frequent tests are suggested in the beginning to make sure she is. The last thing a teen wants to be told is that "something is wrong with them"... so she may decide that nothing is wrong with her and she's just having a hard time and is trying to grow up and have fun and people won't leave her alone. I'm not trying to sound pessimistic, I'm simply trying to be honest and am just portraying my experience with my husband's family and my own. I wish you well.

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