[mckenzie134]

Ive learnt a lot over time on here but if anyone is interested. Here's by story. My girlfriend left me 6 weeks ago. She is 22 I'm 28. She said she needed time to be on her own and she was to young for this type of relationship. That was a load of crap after 3 1/2 years. What I did in the beginning of the relationship to win her over was to talk and message her but not be to keen and act like nothing really bothered me. This is a good thing but the real reason I felt this way at the start is because I really liked her but I also wanted to keep myself from being hurt. As the relationship went on I worked in the evenings so could only go to her place late at night maybe 11 but that was OK I would go there a lot and stay over it was great she was missing me heaps. What I did not realise was when I decided to get a better job for myself during the normal working hours of the day I ewas then more available to her and she well I belkieve became less waiting for me which intern meant she was not as happy when she would see me because I was to available to her.. But I now realise what Ia lready new at the start is that she was attracted to0 the fact she coould not see me all the time and had to wait to see me. Although when you are together for a while my sister kept saying well what about when you live together you will see each other all the time. But what I have found is it is not weather you see each other all thg time that is fine but you still have to have your own things to do. For exampl if you participate in football three days a week that means three times she cants see you which means she is m,ore eager to see you on the remaining days. I have now got more sports in my life.

My ex came over last night and I used to rub her leg and play with her hair and things like that but instead I just got a blanket and rugged myself up on the couch and kind of stayed to my side of the seat and what I found was she kind of sat in the middle and as time went on she started to lean intio me. This was due to the fact I was not giving her the attention and not pushing her away which meant I was intern pulling her in.. RThis happened 3 weeks ago as well but stupid me when she started to lean on me I put my arm around her andstarted rubbing her leg and she sort of moved a bit. But this time I stayed strong and when she started to rub my hair I did nothing I just kept watching the movie and I think this made her more wanting me and this time instread of trying to kiss her as soon as the movie finished I jumped up turned the TV off and said I was pretty tired and have to get up for work in the morning and told her I had a great night. I don't think she could believe that I was pretty much telling her to go buit not in a mean way. She left but Ive got a feeling she will be thinking about me a bit more than the times when I was kising her when she was leaving.

COULD SOME ONE CONFIRM OR SAY NO TO THIS.. PLEASE

When she normally left we would have a pash and she would say to me you are making my decision so hard? I at first thought great maybe I can win her back she likes the pashing and thius seems good. But I am starting to realise the way to actually win her back is to not pash her on the way out just have a good night but not act like I want to pash her just let things go like nothing is bothering me. If I am cool and rerlaxed then this may bring some emotions back to our relationship and she needs to get the feeling she wants me and likes to be with me and I've realised this is best done by being nice but not always being available and having your own things to do to let her miss you a lot and therefore being keener when you do meet up...

[kellkell]

Sure it is a great idea to still retain your own interests/hobbies while in a relationship to keep a sense of self, but I think you need to watch that you guys aren't playing games with one another. (kind of what it sounds like)

There are many things that contribute to building a strong foundation for a relationship like communication, the ability to compromise, trust building, showing respect, etc. What makes me wonder, is that if you are constantly trying to find the right "angle" to lure her in and you guys end up playing games with each others emotions/desires, then how is that fair to either party. I don't know, it feels like manipulation to me. And how does that promote at healthy long term relationship. Unless, your not really interested in it.

Possibly she is not sure what she really wants. You should probably just start focusing on yourself and get involve in more things that will help build you up and be positive for you. Then what ever does come to you will come to you honestly.

[Copperhead6]

Look how hard you are worrying about all this stuff. Are you going to be playing these games the rest of your life? At some point your going to have to let your hair down and be yourself and find out if she is going to stick with you for the guy you really are. Unless you are planning on going through these motions for the rest of your life I would just say act how you want to act and if she doesn't reciprocate then find someone that will. It's better to find out now than end up divorced later!