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    cara_mel555 Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Nov 28, 2015, 04:34 PM
    Sweet 16
    My 16th birthday is in a few weeks and I really want to have a sweet 16. The problem is my parents have never let me celebrate my birthday with my friends ever. I never once had a birthday party at all growing up simply because my parents hate them not because we can't afford them but because they think kids are "immature" and will do "stupid things" during a party and they think parties are too crazy for them.

    But for my birthday this year, I want to finally be able to spend one with friends. I don't even ask for the most outrageous party or anything like that I don't ask my parents to spend a lot of money for my birthday. I just want a simple, get together with friends that sort of thing. I know many girls who are spoiled wear an over the top dress, have a limo drive by their front door and take them to a party with DJ and a cake that is 10 stories high I'm not asking for anything like that. Even if I got to have a sleepover with my friends at least because I never slept over anyone's before nor had anyone come and slept over here either. Or even if I got to watch a movie with my friends that would mean a lot, it doesn't even have to be at the theatre it can just simply be at my house or even if I had to go to theirs I wouldn't mind.

    But even though I explained this to my parents they wouldn't let me. Please, I really want my birthday to be really special this year. I already had 15 birthdays that are wasted because I do NOTHING every year for my birthday. I'm not even asking for a lot. Please how can I convince them?
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 37,910, Reputation: 5430
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    #2

    Nov 28, 2015, 04:48 PM
    Are your parents from a culture or do they practice a religion that frowns on parties and celebrations? Do any of your friends come to your house or you go to theirs? If not, why not?
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    #3

    Nov 28, 2015, 05:20 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Wondergirl View Post
    Are your parents from a culture or do they practice a religion that frowns on parties and celebrations? Do any of your friends come to your house or you go to theirs? If not, why not?
    No we don't have practice any religion that is against celebrations the only thing we celebrate is Christmas and that's it. And none of my friends come to my house and I never really go to theirs either
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    smoothy Posts: 25,495, Reputation: 2853
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    #4

    Nov 28, 2015, 05:31 PM
    Seriously... "Sweet 16" parties really ARE a waste of a lot of money. Money that can go a LOT further towards important things... (and if they really ARE as well off as you think, something most kids really have no clue about as parents REALLY tell them everything). It both costs a LOT more to raise a kid than they think...and after paying everything most parents really have far less than the average kid believes.

    YOU have college possibly in you r future in just a couple short years... and honestly... its only important to you now... a few years from now you are going to be saying what was the big deal anyway yourself. Same thing really with proms... a LOT of money spent for something that's going to be a distant memory in just a few more years.

    But as far as a simple party...they tend to be far more expensive than you think...if you have more than literally a couple of your BEST friends. Speaking as someone who wasted a lot of money throwing the occasional party in my 20's. Money that I really didn't have to waste in hindsight when I had other bills that needed paid. They are also a lot of work, there is a LOT of preparation, and a LOT of cleaning afterwards as well. And spare time is something the average parent also has in very short supply.

    I don't even have kids at home...and I have practically NO spare time between work and other stuff that needs done.

    Those are a few things to think about....that I doubt they explained to you.

    A "simple" party is never as simple as you think when you know everything that goes into it, time and money.
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    Wondergirl Posts: 37,910, Reputation: 5430
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    #5

    Nov 28, 2015, 06:35 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by cara_mel555 View Post
    And none of my friends come to my house and I never really go to theirs either
    Why not?
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    cara_mel555 Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
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    #6

    Nov 28, 2015, 09:02 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by smoothy View Post
    Seriously... "Sweet 16" parties really ARE a waste of a lot of money. Money that can go a LOT further towards important things... (and if they really ARE as well off as you think, something most kids really have no clue about as parents REALLY tell them everything). It both costs a LOT more to raise a kid than they think...and after paying everything most parents really have far less than the average kid believes.

    YOU have college possibly in you r future in just a couple short years... and honestly... its only important to you now... a few years from now you are going to be saying what was the big deal anyway yourself. Same thing really with proms... a LOT of money spent for something that's going to be a distant memory in just a few more years.

    But as far as a simple party...they tend to be far more expensive than you think...if you have more than literally a couple of your BEST friends. Speaking as someone who wasted a lot of money throwing the occasional party in my 20's. Money that I really didn't have to waste in hindsight when I had other bills that needed paid. They are also a lot of work, there is a LOT of preparation, and a LOT of cleaning afterwards as well. And spare time is something the average parent also has in very short supply.

    I don't even have kids at home...and I have practically NO spare time between work and other stuff that needs done.

    Those are a few things to think about....that I doubt they explained to you.

    A "simple" party is never as simple as you think when you know everything that goes into it, time and money.
    If you read what I said, I did say that I did not expect my parents to "spend a lot of money" as that is written directly in the text. I also said that I didn't expect to throw a huge party or anything but what I DID expect is to be able to get together with friends such as going to each others house which doesn't even cost anything but I would be okay with it because it's something that I never get to do.

    I have NEVER once said I wanted a huge party or anything just something simple is already enough. I'm really sorry if I sound harsh here I don't mean to I don't know how else to say this :( I just wanted to state the fact that I'm not looking for anything outrageous.

    Quote Originally Posted by Wondergirl View Post
    Why not?
    Well my parents just don't really like the idea of people coming over to our house and they don't like it when I go to other people's either since their kind of overprotective and worry too much about what time I will be home, what exactly I will do and such and I don't like arguing with my parents about that I'm used to just dealing with it so it would be really hard for me to convince them.
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    #7

    Nov 28, 2015, 09:32 PM
    What about after high school?
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    smoothy Posts: 25,495, Reputation: 2853
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    #8

    Nov 28, 2015, 09:46 PM
    And again I have to tell you... you have no idea the work involved for ANY party. The expense and the other work needed.

    You only assume your parents have lots of money to throw around. Fact is the economy has been horrific the last 7 years and most families are doing worse now than they were before.

    And its not unusual any kid is going to know exactly how well or how bad their parents are doing financially.. Parents don't talk to their kids about this because kids typically talk to others, and this is a very private subject. And its still also possible they need what free time they have now. Which would be lost. Again... You actually have lots of free time and little to worry about as a teen... they on the other hand have LOTS.

    Hard concept for the average teenager to grasp. But one you learn really fast when you are an adult and having to work and support yourself. That's really not very far in the future.

    I happen to be lucky enough to have a very good job (unlike many others) and no kids at home like I said.. but I would not have the free time to spend even ONE day doing that much less the two it would take. (one to get the stuff or make it, and the next to have it).

    Nobody said life is fair, or you really do get to do everything you want (or even anything you want). Fact is they have their reasons, and you have to accept them. There will be many other tings that might seem important to you at the time you REALLY want to do but won't be able to... because of money, time or previous commitments. This isn't the first, and won't be the last. It's a taste of what the rest of us deal with all the time.

    Lots Of things I would like to do... and do have the money to do... but don't make enough sense to do for a number of reasons the least of which is more important things to do with it in the long term in which a little money saved over a long period will become a significant amount for emergencies, the future or retirement. I don't know how much of that you understand right now but you will soon enough.
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    catonsville Posts: 894, Reputation: 91
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    #9

    Nov 28, 2015, 09:47 PM
    I see a lot of back and forth going on here. Have you laid out your plan exactly how you want the party to come off? For example mom and dad, I want this person and that person to come to our house and to spend the night after the party etc. I would like too, for example, have it be a pizza party or whatever. You have told us quite a lot about what you have not had over the 15 years, have you told your parents in the same manner as to us? Parents, maybe unfortunately, have been thru many things that you have not encountered in life and they want to protect you from mistakes. You could tell them that if they prefer, everything will occur under their watchful eye and at home. Good luck.
    J_9's Avatar
    J_9 Posts: 40,299, Reputation: 5645
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    #10

    Nov 28, 2015, 09:56 PM
    I think the poor girl wants nothing more than maybe a slumber party with a couple of friends, some movies and popcorn while they are in their PJs. That's really not a lot to ask for.
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    cara_mel555 Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
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    #11

    Nov 28, 2015, 10:14 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by smoothy View Post
    And again I have to tell you... you have no idea the work involved for ANY party. The expense and the other work needed.

    You only assume your parents have lots of money to throw around. Fact is the economy has been horrific the last 7 years and most families are doing worse now than they were before.

    And its not unusual any kid is going to know exactly how well or how bad their parents are doing financially.. Parents don't talk to their kids about this because kids typically talk to others, and this is a very private subject. And its still also possible they need what free time they have now. Which would be lost. Again... You actually have lots of free time and little to worry about as a teen... they on the other hand have LOTS.

    Hard concept for the average teenager to grasp. But one you learn really fast when you are an adult and having to work and support yourself. That's really not very far in the future.

    I happen to be lucky enough to have a very good job (unlike many others) and no kids at home like I said.. but I would not have the free time to spend even ONE day doing that much less the two it would take. (one to get the stuff or make it, and the next to have it).

    Nobody said life is fair, or you really do get to do everything you want (or even anything you want). Fact is they have their reasons, and you have to accept them. There will be many other tings that might seem important to you at the time you REALLY want to do but won't be able to... because of money, time or previous commitments. This isn't the first, and won't be the last. It's a taste of what the rest of us deal with all the time.

    Lots Of things I would like to do... and do have the money to do... but don't make enough sense to do for a number of reasons the least of which is more important things to do with it in the long term in which a little money saved over a long period will become a significant amount for emergencies, the future or retirement. I don't know how much of that you understand right now but you will soon enough.
    And again I have to tell you... I have not mentioned ANYTHING about wanting to spend loads of money for my birthday I have not once stated that.

    I think you and I are having a different view of what a "party" is. I think that party to you means having to rent a place, dress up in expesive party clothes, etc. But to me since I never really have parties anyway, a get-together can already be a party to me.

    And like I have already said, all I wanted was to get to get together with friends on my birthday. NOT spend and spend and spend and spend money. I'm not sure where you got that from because I never once said that. I did mention about spoiled kids expecting lots from their parents and I also did say that I didn't expect that from my parents.

    What I wanted exactly, and I'll say this AGAIN, is that it would be nice if my friends could come over, we could watch movies (look, we don't even have to go to the theatres because that would be spending more money) and maybe order pizza and have fun. That's pretty much IT. That shouldn't even cost much other than ordering pizza but how much would that even cost? Maybe like less than $10 for a whole pizza. Or maybe another thing we have to pay is for electricity expenses which is for watching a movie but yeah other than that that's pretty much it! And if my parents think $10 is too much then sure I'll just enjoy leftover or canned food with my friends on my birthday and maybe I'll enjoy that even more because we could joke about how bad the food tastes.

    This to me, is already considered a "party" or sleeping over can also be called a "slumber party" and these don't require huge expenses other than maybe FOOD which shouldn't cost too much and ELECTRICITY EXPENSES because... ummm yess we're going to have the lights on and possibly the TV

    Quote Originally Posted by J_9 View Post
    I think the poor girl wants nothing more than maybe a slumber party with a couple of friends, some movies and popcorn while they are in their PJs. That's really not a lot to ask for.
    EXACTLY
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    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,304, Reputation: 7692
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    #12

    Nov 28, 2015, 11:37 PM
    Perhaps one of your friends, can help and do it, at their home, see if your parents will allow you to stay over night somewhere for birthday.
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    smoothy Posts: 25,495, Reputation: 2853
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    #13

    Nov 29, 2015, 08:23 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by cara_mel555 View Post
    And again I have to tell you... I have not mentioned ANYTHING about wanting to spend loads of money for my birthday I have not once stated that.

    I think you and I are having a different view of what a "party" is. I think that party to you means having to rent a place, dress up in expesive party clothes, etc. But to me since I never really have parties anyway, a get-together can already be a party to me.

    And like I have already said, all I wanted was to get to get together with friends on my birthday. NOT spend and spend and spend and spend money. I'm not sure where you got that from because I never once said that. I did mention about spoiled kids expecting lots from their parents and I also did say that I didn't expect that from my parents.

    What I wanted exactly, and I'll say this AGAIN, is that it would be nice if my friends could come over, we could watch movies (look, we don't even have to go to the theatres because that would be spending more money) and maybe order pizza and have fun. That's pretty much IT. That shouldn't even cost much other than ordering pizza but how much would that even cost? Maybe like less than $10 for a whole pizza. Or maybe another thing we have to pay is for electricity expenses which is for watching a movie but yeah other than that that's pretty much it! And if my parents think $10 is too much then sure I'll just enjoy leftover or canned food with my friends on my birthday and maybe I'll enjoy that even more because we could joke about how bad the food tastes.

    This to me, is already considered a "party" or sleeping over can also be called a "slumber party" and these don't require huge expenses other than maybe FOOD which shouldn't cost too much and ELECTRICITY EXPENSES because... ummm yess we're going to have the lights on and possibly the TV



    EXACTLY
    Read what I wrote again. Apparently you didn't pay close attention to what I said.

    Personally I think there is a lot more to the story of why they don't want to by the way you have answered what I wrote.
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    talaniman Posts: 54,246, Reputation: 10853
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    #14

    Nov 29, 2015, 08:37 AM
    I really don't see what the big deal here is, but since your parents have not allowed your friends to visit before, I doubt they will start now, even though to you it's a special occasion. Have heart though, and see if your mom would at least MEET ONE of your friends to get comfortable with the idea you have them.

    Sometimes parents are slow to realize their little girl is growing up and ready for some sort of social life with friends, and it benefits them to know your friends. Maybe your friends PARENTS can be of help talking to your mom. Another mom may convince your mom that a get together would be an okay thing to do. That's what I see as your main obstacle, your parents don't know your friends, OR their PARENTS.

    Can't hurt to have other adults on your side.
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    catonsville Posts: 894, Reputation: 91
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    #15

    Nov 29, 2015, 09:01 AM
    The Beat Goes On. Back and Forth. I think there is more to the reason why, a determined young lady is bucking heads with a strong willed set of parents and maybe they have a good reason to resist. Either it will or will not happen to the young ladies liking.

    PS Could there have been another sibling that caused the tight rein?
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 37,910, Reputation: 5430
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    #16

    Nov 29, 2015, 09:47 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by smoothy View Post
    Read what I wrote again. Apparently you didn't pay close attention to what I said.

    Personally I think there is a lot more to the story of why they don't want to by the way you have answered what I wrote.
    I'm going to disagree with your assessment that it's a money thing. I too had parents who didn't want me to go to school friends' homes or have them come to our house. My Sweet 16 party was THEIR adult friends, a buffet lunch that was not my choice of food, and gifts that made me think, "Huh????"

    What I think was going on in their minds was they didn't want to lose control of me. I was the first child and a daughter, and they knew that girls together certainly must be able to think up all sorts of mischief, like calling boys and maybe even sneaking out when parents were asleep and who knows what else. We all were considered nice girls, but put us together and who knows what we would think of to do!

    Again, I suspect this isn't about the money. The OP assured us that very little would have to be spent for her and a few friends to have a good time. Like with my parents' need for control and not wanting their life disrupted ("We'd have to be up all night in order to check up on her and her friends.") -- I'd love to find out what the OP's parents are thinking.
    Cat1864's Avatar
    Cat1864 Posts: 8,007, Reputation: 3687
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    #17

    Nov 29, 2015, 10:23 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by cara_mel555 View Post
    My 16th birthday is in a few weeks and I really want to have a sweet 16. The problem is my parents have never let me celebrate my birthday with my friends ever. I never once had a birthday party at all growing up simply because my parents hate them not because we can't afford them but because they think kids are "immature" and will do "stupid things" during a party and they think parties are too crazy for them.
    How old are your parents? How strict in their discipline/house rules are they? If your parents do not want to deal with children, is there another relative or friend of the family who might be willing to host/chaperone a party? Would it be an acceptable compromise?

    Frankly, I don't see you winning this fight because they have told you what they think and believe. They have a low opinion of children in general during parties and I doubt they think any better of teens. I don't know if it memories of their own youth, cultural issues, the news, etc., but they obviously have had their minds made up for a long time. I doubt you will be able to reverse those thoughts in a matter of weeks if you are attempting to badger them or guilt trip them into giving you what you want. If they think children act immature, then remember to show maturity in how you discuss the issues and in accepting their decision even if you do not think it is right.

    I notice you said your birthday is in a few weeks. Before or after Christmas? Do they consider your birthday as part of Christmas? Are they stressed out during the Holiday Season?
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    Jake2008 Posts: 6,721, Reputation: 3460
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    #18

    Dec 5, 2015, 04:34 PM
    Maybe the bigger issue isn't the party, but the fact that friends are not allowed in your home, and you are not allowed to go to their homes, so there would never be any birthday party celebrated, 16th birthday or otherwise.

    IF what you say is the literal truth, that your parents don't have a good reason to be so over protective of you, then perhaps it is time for another adult to intervene to get to the bottom of it, to find some sort of compromise to allow you to develop as you should be, socially.

    If this kind of suffocation to social situations continues to college level, and you have the developed social skills of an 8 year old, you will encounter very difficult situations that you have not the maturity or skill or experience, to handle.

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