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gybek · May 7, 2015, 12:27 AM

About 2 weeks back my girlfriend broke up with me.
Here's what I've found out.
I am only able to substantiate one person she's spoke with, because after weeks of ignoring me, they came out to say that my ex told them that I had stalking history and restraining order(s) from other girls. That I have un-returned property of hers, and unpaid debt.

I am the least bit worried about the latter things, however I am most concerned about her stating I've restraining orders.

I am not really wishing to seek monetary damages, because, it's not cost me anything really, except my friendship and perception of me by others.

I do want her to take notice and retract, and stop if she's continuing on her slanderous triad.

I have the direct messages on twitter from the conversation of my friend and I where she states all that my ex had brought up. I am guessing I would need a sworn statement as well? However, she can not be compelled to help, ie; subpoenaed I am guessing since if this even qualifies, it would be in small claims?

I can easily illustrate I have never and or currently have any restraining orders against me. The "property" I have is a book that was lent. All others were bought, as gifts, for me. She lent me $300 which I made a good faith payment to her and said I would be paying that back in full, and she agreed to that.

So, where do I stand in all of this in trying to re-establish my reputation with my friend and make her not think so say anything further?

Fr_Chuck · May 7, 2015, 01:18 AM

Let it go, stop finding out what she is doing, it is common for ex's to spread all types of lies, anyone who listens to it, and would believe it, or not ask you, is not a friend anyway.

You will have to prove actual monetary loss, to sue her, beyond that there is little you can do anyway.

The more you react, the more power you are giving her, if you completely ingore it, she will tire of it soon.

gybek · May 7, 2015, 01:30 AM

This potentially will effect into my work and career. I am working on establishing other people she may have spoken to and include that.

Fr_Chuck · May 7, 2015, 02:19 AM

And when and after it has effected your work, and you can prove actual loss of income or loss of money, you sue her for that amount of money.

You can of course, hire an attorney, have the attorney write her a letter demanding she stop.

Really it has only been a few weeks, she has most likely told most of her friends, just dropping it, and letting it die, is normally the best course of action when couples split.

AK lawyer · May 7, 2015, 06:14 AM

... I have the direct messages on twitter from the conversation of my friend and I where she states all that my ex had brought up. I am guessing I would need a sworn statement as well? However, she can not be compelled to help, ie; subpoenaed I am guessing since if this even qualifies, it would be in small claims? ...

Small or no claims. It doesn't look like you can establish any money damages. So yes, if you were to ignore our advice to just let it go, you would probably go to small claims court. Many small claims courts probably won't allow defamation suits like this anyway.

No, a sworn statement won't do any good: you will need the witness to appear in person, if you take your ex to court. And, I am not really wishing to seek monetary damages, because, it's not cost me anything really, except my friendship and perception of me by others.

If you file suit, you can subpoena your friend if she is a witness to the statements you believe were defamatory.

... I am not really wishing to seek monetary damages, because, it's not cost me anything really, except my friendship and perception of me by others.

I do want her to take notice and retract, and stop ...

You want a court to order her to stop? It isn't going to happen (assuming you are in the US); that would be called "prior restraint", and is almost never ordered (for First Amendment, free speech reasons). Damages for defamatory speech can be awarded after the fact (if they can be proven), but people aren't enjoined from saying things "prior" to their saying them.

CravenMorhead · May 7, 2015, 07:04 AM

IF your friends are willing to believe your EX over you then they're not really your friends are they? Cut ties and minimize damage. Don't go looking for trouble or what she's doing. It might qualify her claims. Also talk to your work place and let them know what is going on. Be clear and transparent.