[Karen 1980]

I have been treated badly at work for some time now and nothing seems to be done about it. I have just found out that someone has told everyone that I have had an affair. As you can imagine that could have ruined my marriage. I am very angry about the whole thing but yet again the manager is not doing anything about it. What can I do?

[N0help4u]

You can tell people that you have a good married life no matter what jealous people want to say.
You can go over the manager and report her for spreading lies and making the work environment disruptive for you because of her lies.

[dchandler1969]

Please talk to your husband. Let him know what is going on so if he hears something (like you are having an affair) then he will know it is not true. I am sorry you are working with a bunch of people who have nothing better to do than spread lies. You should consider going to the manager's boss with your concerns. If that person doesn't do anything about the problem the see that persons boss and keep moving up the ladder until you find someone who will help.

[s_cianci]

Very good for taking my advice and starting a new thread. Now, as to your situation, you have one of two options ; 1.) find a new job, or 2.) arrange a private meeting with the manager, whoever started the rumor about you having an affair and a trusted co-worker to act as your advocate. Then state matter-of-factly that you did not have an affair and that whatever goes on in your personal life will not in any way impact your work. Also make it clear that you want the rumors to stop and, if they continue, that you expect the manager to appropriately discipline those who continue to spread them. Also make it known that, respectfully but firmly, next time such a meeting is necessary, you'll have your manager's superior and your lawyer with you. This may give your manager and gossipy coworker a jolt of reality and solve your problem.

[Karen 1980]

You can tell people that you have a good married life no matter what jealous people want to say.
You can go over the manager and report her for spreading lies and making the work environment disruptive for you because of her lies.

Thank you for your advice

[Karen 1980]

Very good for taking my advice and starting a new thread. Now, as to your situation, you have one of two options ; 1.) find a new job, or 2.) arrange a private meeting with the manager, whoever started the rumor about you having an affair and a trusted co-worker to act as your advocate. Then state matter-of-factly that you did not have an affair and that whatever goes on in your personal life will not in any way impact your work. Also make it clear that you want the rumors to stop and, if they continue, that you expect the manager to appropriately discipline those who continue to spread them. Also make it known that, respectfully but firmly, next time such a meeting is necessary, you'll have your manager's superior and your lawyer with you. This may give your manager and gossipy coworker a jolt of reality and solve your problem.

Thank you for your advice. I will be in work tomorrow and will get this mess sorted once and for all. Thank you

[artlady]

What to do if you're being bullied at work

Name it

# Choose a name -- bullying, psychological harassment, psychological violence, emotional abuse -- to offset the effect of being told that because your problem is not illegal, you have no problem. This claim makes people feel illegitimate, and the cycle of self-blame and anxiety begins.

The source of the problem is external. The bully decides whom to target and how, when and where to harm people.

Bully-proof yourself, seek respite, take time off.

# Check your mental health with a professional you find on your own, not the employer's Employee Assistance Program. Get emotionally stable enough to make a clear-headed decision to stay and fight or to leave for your health's sake.

# Check your physical health. Stress-related diseases rarely carry warning signals, such as high blood pressure.

# Research state and federal legal options. In a quarter of bullying cases, discrimination plays a role. Talk to an attorney. Maybe a demand letter can be written. Look for internal policies on harassment and violence for violations to report.

# Gather data about the economic impact the bully has had on the employer. Discover turnover rates. Calculate the costs of replacement (recruitment, demoralization from understaffing, interviewing, lost time while newbie learns job), absenteeism and lost productivity from interference by bully.

# Start a job search.

Expose the bully

# Make the business case that the bully is too expensive to keep. Present the data to let the highest level person (not Human Resources) you can reach know about the bully's impact.

Stick to the bottom line. If you drift into tales about the emotional impact of the bully's harassment, you will be discounted and discredited.

# Give the employer one chance. If he or she sides with the bully because of personal friendship or rationalize the mistreatment, you will have to leave the job for your health's sake. However, some employers are looking for reasons to purge their very difficult bully. Help good employers purge.

# The nature of your departure -- either bringing sunshine to the dark side or leaving shrouded in silent shame -- determines how long it takes you to rebound and get that next job, to function fully and to restore compromised health. Tell everyone about the petty tyrant for your health's sake.

Source: "The Bully at Work" by Gary and Ruth Namie (Sourcebooks, 2003)

Workplace Bullying in the News

Sadly,while researching your problem,I did not find very much information for your type of harassment.I hope this article is of some use to you.Good luck!

[ScottGem]

Often it is with lies that one arrives at truth. and visa versa.. Platitudes are for for adepts and victims of the patriarch. Within Platitudes one can find truth and lies. ... If this verbiage is annoying u ignore it. Why bother with that which is not beneficial.. By the grace of Kali_Ma an answer arrived.... get the point.. if not let spell it out...

IGNORE THEM ..or if u want a more tantric alchemistic approach ~~use the negative energy of those lies and transmute them into power. This is of course assuming lies are negative. In either case it all sounds like a typical scene in this absurd dreamscape meladrama referred to as "real life".

Ultimately it would seem the best possible remedy is to renounce real life and the so called "reality" of it -in other words see it for the absurdity that it is and begin to look inward--- thats where the real lies begin. ~~~>

The other solution is to just kill the people who lie.. problem solved if done correctly.. but then other problems arise .. so its all the same one way or another. One crisis after the next. Sigh.

Just remember that to those who worship Yama - which is most indoctrinated citizens of common reality-- Death is the final goal.. Death is why you live. Consider that for a bit and u might find the petty little meladramas not so important.. OR consider just you and what that really is.. or none of the above.

Thats "my" answer for what its worth.How many points do "I" get for it anyway..???Its all about the points right? Btw I refuse to spell check or edit seriously. For sure, there will be typos ,netenglish grammer and spelling errors,etc in all my answers.Feel free to take offense or even comment -- Its hard to care in either case.

I've removed your post to a thread in the discussion area because I want to comment on some of what you said without hijacking the OP's thread. But since some of what you posted is applicable to the OP, I'm using this way (quoting) to leave a copy here.

To Karen,
I removed your post in the other thread. Its not a good idea to piggyback your post on someone else's thread.
But to deal with your problem. Is it the manager who is spreading the rumors? Or do you know who is?