[StellaWinxClub]

I have been in a very healthy relationship with my boyfriend for about two years. I love him a lot and he loves me too. He is handsome, funny, and a very practical guy. We are 18, I know its too young to say this, but are meant to be together, forever I guess. He does not drink, smoke, force me into anything, or abuse me in any manner. He does not even ask my Facebook password.

The problem is that he is a pessimist, and a paranoid, when it comes to me. He believes that apart from my family and him, everybody has a bad eye on me. He does not imposes any of his decisions on me, but he wants me to think in the same way as he does. I had two guy friends who were very close to me, but we were only friends. My boyfriend never liked our friendship but did not stop me from hanging out with them because he never wanted to hurt me.

Six months ago, both of them tried to misbehave with me. My boyfriend beat them blue but henceforth, he believes that I can never take decisions on my own. My family treats me like a little child and so does my boyfriend. He does not like it even if I eat an ice cream late at nights. He even fight with me for these petty issues and makes me cry all the time. He apologizes later, but does not change his attitude. He tries to father me all the time, he is sometimes like a bodyguard to me. He even does not like it if I get friendly with some of my cousins who are guys. He always thinks that the world is conspiring against me and that he has to protect me. Sometimes, it is cute but not always. I don't want to be taken care of all the time.

I have tried talking to both my boyfriend and my family about it but they just do not understand me. Please help!

[Fr_Chuck]

I am not sure, what your two male friends did, that may be an issue of picking friends, unless it was just talking, but real friends would never take advantage of you.

You are not going to like what I have to say, but your boyfriend is being emotionally abusive and you will soon have no ability to do anything. His anger of "beating" two people, is a good sign that he is very capable of physical violence also.

This is not an issue of him understanding you, he does very well, and uses that to control you. It is a issue of you having enough self respect and enough desire to tell him no. You tell him what you are going to do. You tell him, who your friends are. You tell him, what you will eat and when.

Then it will be his problem to accept and deal with your ability to be a person.

[talaniman]

It's up to you to be clear about when he crosses the lines of good behavior, and what you do when he does. He will either understand, or he won't. It's disturbing though, as to how far he will go to "protect" you from friends that have misbehaved, which you no doubt told him about. How did you handle them?

You want people to understand you, then you must first understand yourself, so you can set limits and boundaries that are clear to others. The basis for this is clear and consistent communications on your part. That your family and boyfriend both feel they need to protect you when you don't want it, sounds cultural, and traditional, more than a control thing, and maybe the conflict is more against that than a personal one against YOU.

So I ask what culture are you a part of, so I may have a better understanding of your issue?

[odinn7]

You start off saying you are in a healthy relationship...but your description of how things are paint a picture of a way less than healthy relationship. The way he is treating you is not healthy at all. He is abusing you, as has already been said.

[joypulv]

People are not 'meant to be' with someone.
At 18, you have no idea what forever is like.
I too am amazed at all the people who start out saying how wonderful their relationship is, only to delve into some part of it that is not so at all. Are you trying to fool us or yourself?
Your title question is 'how do I get my boyfriend to understand me.'
YOU DON'T get anyone to do, be, say, go, feel, anything. You state your feelings and wishes and it's up to the other person to get it or not.
The chances of people changing are remote. We are who we are. If he lost you, he might try.
He is clearly possessive and controlling of you.
You thought that was charming at first, right? 'Oh he must love me so so much that he treats me like his child, his pet, his possession, and will beat up anyone who gets near me!'
WRONG!

Tell him very quietly and firmly that if he doesn't curb his jealousy and possessiveness, that you are leaving. He can do it. People who don't try to control it are selfish and self indulgent.