[vlee]

I have been working with my ex to modify our current custody order since last December... I have primary custody, he has partial. He sees our daughter every Wednesday overnight, and every Friday for 24 hours. This is a little more than the "average" primary custody agreement, which is typically a few hours one night a week and every other weekend. I have also been very flexible, changing days at the last minute to accommodate his schedule, allowing him extra time for family functions. I have very rarely told him no to any request.

Our original agreement was made when our daughter was 4. Now she is 7. He does not live in her school district, and wakes her on Thursday mornings anywhere between 5:30 am and 7:00 am to bring her home. Obviously this is too hard on a child attending school. I have been on him about it forever, just hoping he would be reasonable and return her on Weds nights at 8:30. When she was in a half day of kindergarten last year, it wasn't so bad. But I began drafting a new agreement in December, because I felt she wasn't getting enough sleep and he wasn't willing to bring her back. We have been back and forth on this agreement now many times. Every time I concede on something, he makes a new demand. Yet he is unwilling to concede on anything I am seeking.

There are a lot of things I want to change, like holiday schedules. We currently split most holidays in half. I'd rather alternate every year so we can all share our entire day with our families. (I think he is agreeable to this.) But he wants our daughter from Wednesday night until 24 hours later in the summer. My problem with this is that he will not be home with her. He works from early morning until late evening. I am a stay at home mom and would be home, able to care for her, when he will be at work. I have included a provision in the order that he can keep her for the full 24 hour period on wednesdays in the summer if he will not be working Thursday, and that doesn't satisfy him. He simply wants to know that I won't have her then, that even if he isn't there, it is still HIS time. I have tried to talk to him about this, and about our daughter's desires and needs, but he refuses to listen.

My attorney says if we go to trial over the order, I will not get anything other than the Wednesday nights changed, because you have to prove a "change in circumstances". So holidays would stay this crappy way. Am I being unreasonable to expect her dad to sign this order? Everything else in it is pretty much standard stuff and the same as the original. What else can I do to make him think of how much he loves her instead of how much he still hates me?

[GV70]

In my opinion you have to go to court... Only court modified visitation will resolve the problem.

[heidib2007]

Yes you will have to go to court. If you and the father cannot come to an agreement then that is the only way to have time changed. Maybe, you could suggest that you do split holiday's one year, and then the next two you can go every other, so that way you are both giving a little. I am sure that any court would see it in her best interest to have her home at night rather than the wee hours of the morning. So suggest that and the fact that you would compromise on the holiday situation and go to him with confidence that the court would support you and then maybe you can avoid going to court, and let him think about doing that or having to go through the hasle of court