[dramalovers26]

I married my husband when I was 18. I've been with him since I was 16 years old. Last year I accidentally saw face book conversation he had with girls and they were pretty sexual. He denied meeting with any of them. He promised never to do that again. Life went on and I thought everything was fine. However just a few days ago, I saw chat messages, text messages, emails etc. between him and another woman. It appeared they have been in a relationship since 2013. She is from Thailand, according to him they have never met, but they were in a relationship (online) and he really liked her (I do not know if they met or if he went to thailand or she came to the USA since most of their messages were in the Thai texts). He even thought about leaving me for her. Eventually according to him, he realized that I was the one for him and ask for another chance and forgiveness. I am angry, resentful and conflicted. What should I do?

[odinn7]

You can't rely on strangers to tell you what to do but you can think about this... He did it once and you caught him, at which point he promised never to do it again...then he did do it again and once again promised he won't. Now, can you believe him and trust him or are you always going to have doubts about him? I know I would have trouble believing him after this.

[Jake2008]

When 'the truth' comes out, when a person is caught, I would doubt anything that came out of his mouth. To a person who lies, telling 'the truth' is at best, very questionable.

I would set some conditions if I were you. The first one would be marriage counseling. A minimum of six sessions, and hopefully more. The truth not only has to come out, but the whole truth and nothing but the truth. You can be sure he is only telling you enough, so that you will keep him around, but you do not know the extent of his cheating. And, he was cheating- make no mistake about it.

The only way you can trust him as a life partner, is complete honesty, and clear remorse, and an honest effort at saving his marriage with you. And, this is not one sided. It isn't a matter of you 'just' forgiving him and carrying on like nothing happened, or nothing will ever happen again, but he needs to know, and understand how YOU feel about how he has betrayed you. You may find out that his life online with other women was far more extensive than you thought.

You may not feel that a future with him is possible, because of what he's done, and how he has affected your life. You are not the one to be blamed for no longer trusting him, and losing faith enough in the marriage, that you make a choice to carry on without him. Something to think about- yourself.

If there are children involved here, the stakes are even higher, because their lives are, and will further be, affected by which way the marriage goes. However, consider the fact that you may never be able to trust him completely again, and that would not make for a very solid relationship.

It's all up to you, but the least you can expect is honesty.

[dramalovers26]

Thank you for your advice.

[DoulaLC]

The onus is on him to show you that he actually means what he says. You will have to decide what that will take? Does it mean he gives up the computer? Marriage counseling? He can tell you that he won't contact this woman again, or any woman for that matter, and he may very well mean it, but the question now is can you believe him? Do you both have what it takes to even try to do the work to rebuild? Do you have the desire?

Some couples can rebuild the trust, and even have a stronger marriage afterwards, but it becomes substantially more difficult when betrayal has occurred more than once.

I am so sorry that you are having to go through this experience.

[talaniman]

He has two strikes, 3 is out!! Like the others have said, you have a right to DEMAND better, and lay down what you need to restore trust, and faith, so what do you want him to do?