[Guessjack123]

Hi, guess I will start with this, I'm 16 years old up until recently I was lucky and happy, I was fairly popular, good at sport and school, and even though I was too shy, awkward and boring to get a girlfriend, I think a few girls did find me attractive.

However the last year has been by far the worst of my life, my parents got divorced, my mother moved far away, both my parents have run into financial problems, and one of my family members passed away, and now to make matters worse I have lost all my friends, all this has happened in 2 months.

Anyway after a recent chain of events that I'm too humiliated to talk about I can honestly say other than immediate family, I have lost everything important to me. Everyone now knows, has seen, and laughs about me. I force myself to go to school to learn except I can't concentrate anymore
Everyday so far has been hell, and everyday something happens or is said to me that is worse than the previous. All my old friends laugh at me, and joke about me, even when I'm right next to them thinking that I don't get the jokes, but sooner or later I understand every last one of them, and its killing me (after all, I had been good friends with all of them for years), and they are starting to realise that I am hiding from them and avoiding them and it just makes them laugh at me more.

The other day my two old best friends invited me over because they lost a bet to my old friend group. At first I thought it was because they felt bad about what they had done to me and wanted to cheer me up. I feel humiliated now as I discovered they were just playing with me. All they did when I was at their house was try to secretly video me on their phones and mock me by making jokes about me which they thought I wouldn't understand.

Whenever I walk near a group of people now they either slowly walk away, laugh, or go silent. The other day I overheard the girls behind me talk about me and what happened to me, and about how gross I am. I had no choice except to listen to their entire conversation about how worthless I am as I was trapped in front of them in class. I keep thinking to myself how are these people being so cruel and mean to me, what motivates them? I can see how what happened to me is funny to them, and I get it if they want to laugh about me and if they can't look at me the same way anymore and don't want to be my friends, but why are they treating me this bad when I did nothing wrong to any of them?

Anyway all I want now is to be ignored by them and everyone else. I don't expect any of them to like me, or take me back as a friend, and frankly I don't want to be their friend anymore. I just want them to try and forget that I exist, or at least make it out like they have, so that I can at least go sit by myself without being further ridiculed.

I plan on moving to live with my mum. She lives in a rural town and going to school so that I will finally be able to learn and concentrate. Except I'm scared word about me will get out there too and ruin me again, which is something I can't bare again, so I would have to live kind of under the radar if I can. I can't change schools until I have finished the term, and I've got 3 months of this living hell between then and now.

Could someone give me some advice on how to survive at school when you know everyone hates you? Has anyone been through or is currently going through a time which is similar to mine? Should I move to live with mum and leave the rest of my family behind or stay here and suffer.

I want to just hide away somewhere during lunch and recess but that will just get me ridiculed even more.

Thank you so much to anyone who contributes or bothers to read this.
Sorry about the ridiculous length, I tend to ramble and I had to let it out
Jack

[joypulv]

I can give you a little bit of advice that applies to any situation like this, but it really would help if you would give us some clue about the totally humiliating chain of events. You are anonymous here, and nothing you have said gives you away (and with all the sites on the net, the odds anyone is looking here for you are nil).

The advice is to approach ONE old besty type friend and ask if you can talk alone, and ask if there is any way to be friends again. Many times teens just follow the pack and don't really want to be mean. But please tell us what happened that was so awful?

[Catsmine]

I will provide an alternative to Joypulv's answer. You can ignore them rather than hoping they ignore you. After all, it's only three months. At 16 that sounds like a long time, but it isn't. Taking up a solitary sport such as running or weight training will help with after school hours, or you might look for a new martial arts studio where no one is familiar with your situation to develop yourself both physically and mentally.

There's some alternatives. Think about which one fits you best.

[Guessjack123]

Thanks heaps,
The fact that people even bothered to reply lets me know that there are
Good people out there,
I wish I could say what happened but I've never been the kind to be
Able to really open up and tell all even anonomously, its why I'm to scared to get
Counselling

But I really appreciate the advice and I think I will take it
Thank you

[Oliver2011]

Wow - so much negativity. You are so focused on the negative so let's work on that first. Obviously if you approach things in life negatively, things in life will be negative. If you approach things in life positively, you have a much better change that things will be positive.

Statements like "I was too shy, awkward and boring" don't help. Accept who you are and control the things you can control in life. To a certain extent everyone is shy and awkward, right? This is especially true during the teen years. I learned a long time ago that you cannot control what people say about you and what they think about you. So let it go. If they are negative to you the negativity is on them. And with your parents, the divorce and financial situation is totally out of your control. Accept the situation for what it is, and move on.


"Should I move to live with mum" - This is your decision. But I am a firm believer in not running away but conquering problems. If you run from this, you might be constantly running.

This seems very difficult to you right now, but in a few years it will be just a bump in the road. I totally agree with the statement to exercise. When you exercise your body release endorphins. Endorphins trigger a positive feeling in your body, and that is a good thing. It releases stress as well.

I wish you luck!

[talaniman]

Harshness Warning

I can relate as having a bad streak of events run close together throws everyone for a loop, because it hurts and make you afraid to do anything, and everything like you use too. What's really happening though is a huge change from what you were familiar with and had gotten very comfortable with. Your whole self esteem and confidence was tied up in this comfort, and a few events shook it up really good didn't it? Leaving you floundering and desperate. Yeah, sort of been there, done that, and around the same age as you.

First off get off the pity pot and stand on your own, and refuse to allow anyone to so easily take your dignity, and self respect which is the object lesson of this learning experience. When you can't trust or depend on ANY ONE, ALWAYS trust and depend on yourself. That does mean ignoring the BS people, and experience that robbed you of courage to look around and have pity on the fools who acted so immature and stupidly. If you weren't so caught up in your own fear you would realize they treat everyone like dirt and humiliate and bring down others to hide and bolster their own self worth, like pack animals.

You probably are not their only victim, and would be wise to never fear what others do to you, but never do the same thing to yourself, and that's exactly what you are doing wallowing in your own misery to the point you can not ignore their ignorance or find your own path to succeed, despite what you have been through. Picking your own arse up after being stomped in the dirt is the ultimate victory. Its hard, but better than the easier way you are going about proving they are right. It's no longer them humiliating you, but you humiliating yourself.

Dude, if no one stands up for you, then you damn well better stand up for yourself, or you will continue to fall for everyone else's crap. Hold your head up and ignore the rabble with the babble, and do what you have to do to succeed at what's important. Find the courage to express yourself to a good listener, and get that poison others have planted out of you. Do it now. It doesn't matter if no one can look at you. Be able to look at yourself and that just takes a bit of effort. At least you will always have ONE friend to get you through thick and thin... YOU.

Get off your pity pot and handle your business young guy. Cry later, if you still feel like running away and hiding. I doubt you will, but you do need to heal your hurts, and get back on your feet. This is but the first test of your young life, there are many more to come. It doesn't get easier either.

Go find that adult male (principal, counselor, teacher, coach............OR DAD!!) and express yourself. Talk about your fear, so you can deal with it properly.

PS. Mad enough to do something for YOURSELF? Yeah its a tough world out here, so get tough yourself.

[Guessjack123]

Im in a pretty ed situation so I've come to the internet for help since I've never been good at telling people I know my problems, especially because my problems always seem to be so embarrassing.

Anyway I've gone from being popular and now I am somewhat of a mess,lost all my old friends except one and I know this sounds like I'm blowing this out of proportion but every single girl that is near me laughs hysterically.

This is all due to a "incident" that occurred a few months back, once again I'm not blowing this out of proportion, the most embarrassing and humiliating thing I can imagine happening. And as I'm sure you guys know word about super embarrassing things spread really fast so I'm at the point where everyone in my year knows and some in the year below

So for the last 3months I've been living somewhat of my own personal hell, especially since I am already someone who suffers from social anxiety.
Anyway my school branches of into a way larger one for years 11 and 12 which means another 1000 people finding out and a load more ridicule for me.

Just trying to give you guys a perspective of the scale of this embarrassment its now kind of consumed me, like I'm Not known as myself anymore here I'm that guy with that really embarrassing thing, and not a single person treats me the same now and that's after three months, what makes things suck so much more is these people use to like me and now even these loser s who are ugly stupid and going nowhere in life look down on me over one stupid thing.

So I don't see anyone really forgetting, even though things have gotten better like some people feel bad for me now so I don't get as much ridicule from people who use to be my old friends which is nice but then again its out of pity so..

I don't feel like embarrassing is the right word for it but I don't know what else to call it, like its not my fault or anything and I've never hurt anyone I'm a pretty nice guy to most people I thought

I was initially kind of depressed and I think I'm good now in that respect except it really hurts facing and over hearing all the things I hear being said about me and the girls laughing at me, and this happens on a daily basis, like it's a sure bet everyday I make to myself before school

Now down to the business, my parents have split and I have a chance to move to live with my dad who lives far away and I really relate to him way way more than my mum,

This would be kind of a escape from all these bull people and this reputation I now have that makes me almost not human to so many of them, or at least that's how they treat me.

But there is obviously a trade off it would mean leaving my way younger brother who already doesn't have a dad around 12 days a fortnight,and also the only friend who has stuck by me through this who I've known since birth and I love like a brother.

So I need help deciding, obviously moving is kind of the cowards way out but I want genuine answers like what you would do in my situation because its easy to say il stay but it means coping this rape of myself confidence for two ing years, and the last 7 weeks of school almost pushed me to self harm and all that bad .

Also if I stay I know il never get laid or anything like that which sucks because the way things are going I'm going to die a virgin haha

Oh by the way if I move il still come down to visit my family as often as possible so I'm not completely leaving my old family and friends and il spend majority of my holidays up there

Also I think I should add all the ridicule and stuff gets to my head and has been really affecting my grades, I'm pretty smart usually and for years as crucial as 11 & 12 I think being able to concentrate on that is really important


Thanks heaps guys for any answers or opinions,sorry about the length as well, this is after I cut it down.
Hehe

[Jake2008]

It is important to know just what the incident was.

Otherwise, it is impossible to put it into perspective. Guessing just doesn't make your situation very clear.

Can you just say what happened?

Thanks.

[Cat1864]

Threads have been merged. It would help us if you respond to the posts instead of starting a new thread. Even if it is clarifying what you think might be incorrect about the advice you have received.

Why don't you try telling us what happened, the abbreviated version, so that we can help you with ideas on how to handle the situation?

I find it difficult to believe that everyone has turned against you. I think you might be feeling sensitive about the situation and possibly overlooking the people who might be your allies and new friends. Sometimes we get caught up in what we think and miss what is actually happening around us. Is there a chance that might be happening?

[Alty]

Without knowing why these so called former friends of yours suddenly turned on you, especially in light of everything else going on in your life, it's very hard to give advice.

I realize, based on your past posts, that you're not comfortable talking about it, but you're not talking, you're typing, and unless you used your real name as your username on this site, you're completely anonymous here. I've spilled my guts on this site, told people things I've never told anyone else, family included. Because I was able to do that (hard as it was) I got the advice I really needed.

Until you open up, and I know it's hard, we really can't give you the best advice, we can only give you platitudes that really won't help you at all.

I have a 16 year old son, I was once a 16 year old girl. Being a teen is hard at the best of times. It sounds like this is a really hard time, and I'd like to help. Open up about things, tell us (we're not teens, we won't spread it around), we're a group of strangers, but collectively we've been through a lot of things that would make your head spin. Trust me, we've heard it all. We can help you better if you tell us exactly what's going on, and why these so called friends have suddenly turned on you.

Until then I can only tell you to stay strong, keep your chin up, ignore the comments, and do your best to get through it.

[joypulv]

You MUST talk about the incident. Start here because you are anonymous. You are ruining your own life YOURSELF.
We don't have a clue what you did. But I assure you that most of the time, how you are treated after a really awful incident depends on how YOU ACT after it. I could go on and on about it, but it would mean guessing what category it was in.
So please, for you own good, tell us.

[DoulaLC]

I'm confused by some of your statements....... In your first post you talked about your mother having moved far away and you were planning to move to live with her and change schools. You couldn't change schools yet as you still had 3 months in the term to finish. In your more recent post, you mention having the chance to go live with your father... who also lives far away, because you get along better with him than your mother.

Whatever your situation, (I don't think it matters really what it was), going by the description of events you have shared, I'd choose whichever path you feel would allow you to focus more on your education and future, and less on how people treat you. If some of these people were truly good friends, they wouldn't have treated you the way that they did. You now know who you can and who you can't really trust, so in an odd way, they did you a favour.

[Alty]

Good catch Doula. I'd like a clarification from the OP before I waste my time on a possible troll.

[Guessjack123]

Sorry if I somehow ame across as a troll
And yea in the first post I swapped the parents around because I was paranoid someone I knew would see and connect the dots haha, which is pretty ridiculous in hindsight,
And real sorry guys but don't want to say what happened because it is a pretty unique problem and don't want to be compromised even though the chance is probably ridiculously small
Because of how I have probably made it sound based on how everyone reacted it probably makes me sound like I did something super terrible but its just really embarresing
I get it if you cant help with out knowing that's fine but if anyone can give me any suggestions based on what I've said I really appreciate it
Also of course thanks to anyone who has posted thus far

[tickle]

I believe in the way Oliver put it, only negativity breeds negativity. If you don't crawl out of your negativity you will be like that probably for the rest of your life and if you intend on continuing your education to university you still have to deal with people and what their perceived opinion of you is.

What you are experiencing, and because you won't tell us the root cause of why you think this is happenng, and I hate to say this, is probably blown out of proportion in your mind because that is the way the human psyche works.

Can you not just hold your head up high and get on with it ! At sixteen this will be difficult because you have not learned any of llife's lessons, but you are certainly learning some now. You are becoming a 'little' person, a person who only sees the downside/ There is an upside but you have to make it happen.

Oliver suggested a solitary sport, but one that builds character in accomplishments, start running, start up slow, access a website on 'how to' because there is actually a 'how to' for running which is recommended by experts. Study it and then start. See what you can do with this, conquer it and then you will find that your self worth is returning.

[talaniman]

I don't think you are being fair to us, or yourself, and have deluded yourself into thinking it's the end of the world because of one lousy event that you let define you.

We call that teen angst, a feeling of fear and apprehension that makes you feel isolated and alone. The solution is to have some courage and face it head on and you are BLOWING that opportunity by not being honest, and candid, even though you have the cloak of being anonymous here. Instead you choose to feed your angst and paranoia (YOUR WORD). That serves no one.

Show some guts guy, and come clean, or keep drowning in your own sh1t!!

Decide how you want to approach this going forward! For sure you will not be allowed to jabber in half a story, as that's deceptive and dishonest, and the province of trolls, so you either want reasonable suggestions, or you don't.

No, you have said nothing so far except you are embarrassed, and afraid, so what's the WHOLE story?

[DoulaLC]

You share a story of something unbelievably embarrassing occurring, enough to make just about everyone at school take notice and comment, your friends have practically shunned you, and you think changing around whether you might move to live with your mother or father will make a difference? So what have you been doing since 9 October since you are sharing the same story?

I'll take you at your word on it.

If it is something you can change, make amends for, or apologize for, than do so. If it isn't, then you will simply have to just accept that you made a mistake, hopefully you have learned from whatever it was, and chalk it up to an unwise decision. Don't waste anymore of your time on something you can't change or erase... it is now in your past.

Then focus on moving forward and put it behind you. Again, let go of the friends who made your life miserable... they obviously weren't very good friends. Make changes to focus more on your education. If moving would give you the best chance for that, then move. Sometimes a fresh start can do you a world of good.