How do I survive school alone and disliked?
Hi, guess I will start with this, I'm 16 years old up until recently I was lucky and happy, I was fairly popular, good at sport and school, and even though I was too shy, awkward and boring to get a girlfriend, I think a few girls did find me attractive.
However the last year has been by far the worst of my life, my parents got divorced, my mother moved far away, both my parents have run into financial problems, and one of my family members passed away, and now to make matters worse I have lost all my friends, all this has happened in 2 months.
Anyway after a recent chain of events that I'm too humiliated to talk about I can honestly say other than immediate family, I have lost everything important to me. Everyone now knows, has seen, and laughs about me. I force myself to go to school to learn except I can't concentrate anymore
Everyday so far has been hell, and everyday something happens or is said to me that is worse than the previous. All my old friends laugh at me, and joke about me, even when I'm right next to them thinking that I don't get the jokes, but sooner or later I understand every last one of them, and its killing me (after all, I had been good friends with all of them for years), and they are starting to realise that I am hiding from them and avoiding them and it just makes them laugh at me more.
The other day my two old best friends invited me over because they lost a bet to my old friend group. At first I thought it was because they felt bad about what they had done to me and wanted to cheer me up. I feel humiliated now as I discovered they were just playing with me. All they did when I was at their house was try to secretly video me on their phones and mock me by making jokes about me which they thought I wouldn't understand.
Whenever I walk near a group of people now they either slowly walk away, laugh, or go silent. The other day I overheard the girls behind me talk about me and what happened to me, and about how gross I am. I had no choice except to listen to their entire conversation about how worthless I am as I was trapped in front of them in class. I keep thinking to myself how are these people being so cruel and mean to me, what motivates them? I can see how what happened to me is funny to them, and I get it if they want to laugh about me and if they can't look at me the same way anymore and don't want to be my friends, but why are they treating me this bad when I did nothing wrong to any of them?
Anyway all I want now is to be ignored by them and everyone else. I don't expect any of them to like me, or take me back as a friend, and frankly I don't want to be their friend anymore. I just want them to try and forget that I exist, or at least make it out like they have, so that I can at least go sit by myself without being further ridiculed.
I plan on moving to live with my mum. She lives in a rural town and going to school so that I will finally be able to learn and concentrate. Except I'm scared word about me will get out there too and ruin me again, which is something I can't bare again, so I would have to live kind of under the radar if I can. I can't change schools until I have finished the term, and I've got 3 months of this living hell between then and now.
Could someone give me some advice on how to survive at school when you know everyone hates you? Has anyone been through or is currently going through a time which is similar to mine? Should I move to live with mum and leave the rest of my family behind or stay here and suffer.
I want to just hide away somewhere during lunch and recess but that will just get me ridiculed even more.
Thank you so much to anyone who contributes or bothers to read this.
Sorry about the ridiculous length, I tend to ramble and I had to let it out
Jack
Run from ridicule and embarresment or stay and face it??
Im in a pretty ed situation so I've come to the internet for help since I've never been good at telling people I know my problems, especially because my problems always seem to be so embarrassing.
Anyway I've gone from being popular and now I am somewhat of a mess,lost all my old friends except one and I know this sounds like I'm blowing this out of proportion but every single girl that is near me laughs hysterically.
This is all due to a "incident" that occurred a few months back, once again I'm not blowing this out of proportion, the most embarrassing and humiliating thing I can imagine happening. And as I'm sure you guys know word about super embarrassing things spread really fast so I'm at the point where everyone in my year knows and some in the year below
So for the last 3months I've been living somewhat of my own personal hell, especially since I am already someone who suffers from social anxiety.
Anyway my school branches of into a way larger one for years 11 and 12 which means another 1000 people finding out and a load more ridicule for me.
Just trying to give you guys a perspective of the scale of this embarrassment its now kind of consumed me, like I'm Not known as myself anymore here I'm that guy with that really embarrassing thing, and not a single person treats me the same now and that's after three months, what makes things suck so much more is these people use to like me and now even these loser s who are ugly stupid and going nowhere in life look down on me over one stupid thing.
So I don't see anyone really forgetting, even though things have gotten better like some people feel bad for me now so I don't get as much ridicule from people who use to be my old friends which is nice but then again its out of pity so..
I don't feel like embarrassing is the right word for it but I don't know what else to call it, like its not my fault or anything and I've never hurt anyone I'm a pretty nice guy to most people I thought
I was initially kind of depressed and I think I'm good now in that respect except it really hurts facing and over hearing all the things I hear being said about me and the girls laughing at me, and this happens on a daily basis, like it's a sure bet everyday I make to myself before school
Now down to the business, my parents have split and I have a chance to move to live with my dad who lives far away and I really relate to him way way more than my mum,
This would be kind of a escape from all these bull people and this reputation I now have that makes me almost not human to so many of them, or at least that's how they treat me.
But there is obviously a trade off it would mean leaving my way younger brother who already doesn't have a dad around 12 days a fortnight,and also the only friend who has stuck by me through this who I've known since birth and I love like a brother.
So I need help deciding, obviously moving is kind of the cowards way out but I want genuine answers like what you would do in my situation because its easy to say il stay but it means coping this rape of myself confidence for two ing years, and the last 7 weeks of school almost pushed me to self harm and all that bad .
Also if I stay I know il never get laid or anything like that which sucks because the way things are going I'm going to die a virgin haha
Oh by the way if I move il still come down to visit my family as often as possible so I'm not completely leaving my old family and friends and il spend majority of my holidays up there
Also I think I should add all the ridicule and stuff gets to my head and has been really affecting my grades, I'm pretty smart usually and for years as crucial as 11 & 12 I think being able to concentrate on that is really important
Thanks heaps guys for any answers or opinions,sorry about the length as well, this is after I cut it down.
Hehe