[The Black Lotus]

Okay I have never done this before but I am out of ideas

Me and this girl have been great friends for a year now and we use to like each other in the fancy way. Then I thought she had moved on so I tried to I stopped speaking to her as much and I got together with this other girl and I thought my feelings for her have gone. Then I broke up with my ex and we just started talking which was great because I really did miss her and my feelings had gone and she was with this guy and it didn't bother me. I was so glad he makes her happy.

Then we decided to meet and from the first moment I saw her I fell in love and one day she kept asking me who I liked. I don't like to lie so after she kept asking me I told her it was her. She took it well and she was very nice about it. The next day me her, her friends, and her boyfriend, walked to my house and they kissed and cuddled and that which did not make me feel good. So when we arrived they were in the living room and I was in the bedroom getting changed. Then I just broke down. I tried to be quiet whilst crying then she walked into the room and saw me. So we talked and she was very nice about everything. Then she asked me what makes you hurt the most seeing us together, feeling like the feelings not returned (and something else I have a really bad memory). I replied its all of them. She said that the feelings are returned and we hugged and cuddled and that which made me really happy.

After spending the next day with her boyfriend she just stopped talking to me and started treating me differently. I don't know what to do. I can't stop thinking about her. She is literally all I think about and I have cried three nights straight now. I have tried to get over her again but I can't so I just kept quiet because all I really want is for her to be happy even if that makes me miserable

Well you made it to the end I tried to make it short but anyway can I please have some advice on what to do or just someone to talk to about this thanks in advance

[talaniman]

Hi guy, lets start with your ages please. And tell me why you have to hang around her and her boyfriend at all.

[The Black Lotus]

I am 15 and I try not to hang around with her whilst she is with her boyfriend but I didn't know he would be there when I met up with her which was horrible

[Alty]

She obviously feels for her boyfriend, and only has feeling of friendship for you. If it hurts to be around her knowing she won't reciprocate your feelings, it's best to do no contact. That's much better than always feeling miserable seeing someone you can't have.

[The Black Lotus]

I realise there is like a 0% chance I will go out with her but I still want to be friends I just need to get rid of these feeling somehow :/

[Alty]

I realise there is like a 0% chance I will go out with her but I still want to be friends I just need to get rid of these feeling somehow :/

Sadly there's nothing anyone can do to make you get rid of your feelings, not even you. So you either accept that she will never be yours, hang out with her, accept that she has a boyfriend and that he'll likely be around because he's very important to her, and they'll do things that boyfriends and girlfriends do, and not let her know it bothers you, suck it up and bury your pain, or you walk away.

She's likely distancing herself because she realizes she's hurting you, that every time you see her you end up crying and feeling bad because she can't be yours, and she no longer wants to put you through that, or really doesn't want to deal with it anymore.

[The Black Lotus]

That makes a lot of sense I think I know what to do thank you so much for the help I appreciate it :)

[Alty]

That makes a lot of sense I think I know what to do thank you so much for the help I appreciate it :)

You're welcome. Good luck.

And here's a bit of wisdom from someone that used to be 15, a long long time ago. The love you have as a teen, although it feels so real, and there are times you feel like your heart is literally broken, it's not lasting love.

One day you'll look back, and you'll remember the pain, but you'll also realize that what you felt for this girl, it wasn't real love. You'll find that with someone else, when you're much older. This is puppy love, and it hurts like the real thing, it hurts like hell, and everyone goes through it. You'll survive. We all did. :)

[The Black Lotus]

I shall remember that and I know how to fix this it won't be fun but it's the right thing to do besides we are amazing as friends I should just be happy I have an amazing friend like her tomorrow I will fix it and make the best of this situation thanks again I really appreciate you taking time out of your life to help me out :)

[Alty]

I shall remember that and I know how to fix this it won't be fun but it's the right thing to do besides we are amazing as friends I should just be happy I have an amazing friend like her tomorrow I will fix it and make the best of this situation thanks again I really appreciate you taking time out of your life to help me out :)

No problem at all. I have a 15 year old son, and I'd hope that if he couldn't come to me, went online to ask a stranger, someone would take the time to tell him the truth, be as nice as they can while still telling him what's what, and leave him better off than he was when he first posted.

Feel free to come back with questions. Most of us are parents, all of us were teens at one time. We're a very close community, and this site is very special in the fact that we're always monitoring who posts advice, especially to teens. We're very careful to make sure that teens that come here, are protected, and get the best advice they can, without the fear of all the bad stuff that can happen when you go online.

Take care, and I wish you all the best with this problem. :)

[smoothy]

If you have romantic notions at all you are going to be following her around like a puppy. You have to have the common sense to know for yourself if you can forget any of those thoughts... and stay a friend, or keep them , pretend to be a friend following her like a puppy, (which trust me everyone else is going to notice) hoping for something that may never happen, and losing many other REAL opportunities you might have a chance at. You might even lose a very good friend.

This is one of those many life skills and lessons we all learn as we grow up... and a lot of them we learn the hard way. I can't tell you how many times in my life I've had to swallow my pride and forget such notions after realizing it wasn't going to happen, but they could still be a very good friend to have.

Trust me when I say... forget the old saying of "good things come to those that wait" This is one of the very few times that doesn't apply.

[talaniman]

Its not a hard thing to give her SPACE to enjoy her boyfriend, and you stop forcing time with your friend. You need space to get your feelings under control and find other things in your life and other friends and activities to enjoy yourself is all. That's what REAL friends do, they give their friend SPACE, and TIME to enjoy what they want.

Friendship doesn't end, but it changes. Adjust your thinking and you will adjust your actions and be much happier for it. Then you won't be so frustrated and caught off guard by the presence of her with a boyfriend, because you will have your own life that you enjoy without her.

That's the whole problem. You have made her friendship too big a part of your own life. That just won't work because she has a life too, without you,and that should be okay! Its pure jealousy, and that's never good.

[dontknownuthin]

She knows your feelings and she's sorting out her own. She needs space from you to determine what she's feeling about her current boyfriend. Give her, and yourself, that space. At 15, you aren't ready for a serious relationship anyway - life will take you a lot of different direction before you will be ready to settle down. That in mind, you have the time both of you need. In the meantime, don't be around the two of them together.