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Nirvana14 · Apr 5, 2007, 03:33 PM

There's this guy who I really like and there might be a chance that he likes me back. For example for the past 2 summers, we've been staring at each other like anything and this summer we looked into each other's eyes. It was so cool. I was the happiest person you could think of, that day. That moment felt like we we're looking into each other's eyes for so long... I really like him, not sure if he likes me. There's a problem though. I'm turning 15 in the beginning of October and he's becoming nineteen in a week or so. And another thing is that I don't know if he even likes me. When he sees me we can't stop staring at each other, maybe that's a sign I don't know anymore. The question Is is he suitable for me? Please answer quickly, this doubt I have is killing me!

J_9 · Apr 5, 2007, 03:43 PM

Sweetie, he is a little old for you. Physically, mentally, and emotionally. You both are are in two different stages of your lives. Where you are probably almost ready to go to high school, he is probably almost ready to go to college.

Not to mention that when he does turn 19 in a week or so, it would most likely be illegal for him to date you seeing he will be 5 years older than you.

SouthernBelle06 · Apr 5, 2007, 04:38 PM

No he is not suitable for you. A five year age difference is a big deal when it is 14 to 19 because if the relationship becomes physical it is actually illegal. This could lead to a number of problems. You are too young to become involved in a serious relationship, as much as you may like this guy. As the other poster mentioned, you are at two different stages in life. He is likely going to college soon and will be consumed with different things and meeting many different girls. You may take any involvement with him seriously, while he does not, and could likely end up very hurt if anything becomes of it. This is just a bad idea all the way around. Keep it for what it is, just a crush. Crushes fade with time. Look to date guys your own age very casually right now.

Nirvana14 · Apr 5, 2007, 04:53 PM

J_9 and southern_belle

He's not exactly 5 years older than me, so I guess it's not illegal. Look, I'm not a stupid girl that would go and do you know what with her boyfriend at this age. I'm not the type who can get influenced so easily and you know do bad stuff. I like him, and it's not like he's a total stranger. My parents know him , he lives very close to us. Well, actually my parents don't know I like him but they think he's a very good boy. Anyhow, I'm pretty mature for my age. So, what age do you think is suitable for me?

J_9 · Apr 5, 2007, 05:02 PM

The age suitable for you at 14 would be a 15 year old. And no, he is not 5 years older than you. Not until his birthday this month, when he will be. The law does not look at the date you were born, but the age at the time. He will be 5 years older than you in a few weeks.

See 19 (he will be in a few weeks) - 14 (you will be for 6 more months) = 5 years difference.

Sweetie, he may look at you as a younger sister, or a cute girl. But it is doubtful that he looks at you as a girlfriend.

I am happy to hear that you are mature enough not to have sex with him. But guys that old can lie and pressure young impressionable girls into having sex. You are not ready to be a mother and he does not want to be a father. But this can and does happen to young girls.

SouthernBelle06 · Apr 5, 2007, 05:46 PM

I agree. A 14 or 15 year old guy would be much more appropriate for you to date right now. The guy you like may well be the nicest guy in the world, but your parents likely still wouldn't want you to get involved with him because of the age difference. I'm glad that you are not planning to become intimately involved with him. Good thinking.

The 4 or 5 year age difference is not what is illegal here. If you were 24 and he was 29, no big deal at all. It's that you are not of age of legal consent (assuming that you live here in the States) and he is. Most 19 year old guys are into being physical with their girlfriends, which doesn't make them a bad guy in any way, but if you were involved with one you may begin to feel pressure that you aren't ready for. You can't help liking someone or feeling attracted to them, but we just don't want to see you get emotionally hurt in any way.

You don't list where you are from, but again, assuming you live here in the States, check out this link which may help you understand more of where we are coming from:

Age of Consensual Sex in the USA

I can't say if this list is completely accurate or not, so I wouldn't make any decisions based on it alone, just something to check out if you are interested.

SouthernBelle06 · Apr 5, 2007, 05:49 PM

Here's a worldwide list too:

A table of worldwide ages of consent, including US states

Fr_Chuck · Apr 5, 2007, 06:01 PM

First beyond the entire issue, no one has mentioned is I doubt ( and I sure hope they don't) your parents would not want you seeing a boy that much older than you.

So that is one thing you will have to consider, Most of the activities that a 19 year old is going to want to do is not normally

Next sorry but almost every 19 year old boy is thinking about having sex, and why you may think you would not, he would come up with a 100 reaons to as you were seeing each other. And also sadly this is why most 19 year old would try and date a 14 year old in the first place.

Now when you are 19 and he is 24, go for it, but right now, you need to live and learn with those closer to your age.

missbeach123 · Apr 6, 2007, 02:54 AM

Any person 18 or older may not have any kind of relationship with a person younger than 18. It is illegal, even if it is not a proven physical relationship. In basic terms, this boy could be in big trouble hanging out with you, even if you don't participate in you know what. I know this because Im a 19 year old girl, and when I was 15 an 18 yr. old boy liked me. I liked him too, and one night I snuck out of my house to make out with him. My parents caught me and were very upset and called the police. I didn't do anything with him (and yes, like most older boys, he tried!). Just wait because you'll be as old as me in a heartbeat and that's when you can choose! I call it the allure of the older guys, all through high school I always liked an older guy, just try to find some nice boys in your grade, they get overlooked a lot :)

Oh Im in California, but Im pretty sure most states follow the 18 rule

talaniman · Apr 6, 2007, 06:16 AM

You are to young for a 19 year old boyfriend, and what do you think your parents will do if he starts hanging around you? You don't want him in jail do you?

mustang83 · Jan 5, 2008, 09:06 PM

I'm a 19, and a female and when I as 14 I met an 18 year old guy it only lasted a few months, my parents found out and forbid me to see him but course I did. Anyway the point of my story is I look back on it now and I get sick. As being 19 now I could never date a 14 year old child. And you are a child sweety, you have plent of growing up to do, trust me I was in exactly your shoes when I was your age. Now I'm engaged to get married but bottem line is if your having sex stay protected and your best bet would be to find someone closer to your age.. I would'tgo much past 16

Sphira · Mar 28, 2009, 07:27 PM

Hey I live in Australia and I have kind of the same problem cause this guy at work is always in the cool room when I am and every time I I get too close to him I get thoughts I probably shouldn't and I'm only 15 and he's 19 not good so when you figure out what to do let me know