[amazing2014]

Just discovered that my fiancée had sex with a man more than twice her age on just one occasion. My problem is that I know the man and any time I see him it rings in my mind. How do I deal with this torture please? I need help.

[odinn7]

This was before you came along?

You deal with it yourself as it's your problem and not something to hold against her. So you deal with it or you break up with her.

[smoothy]

I'm with odinn7. You either accept that she had a life before she met you... and you either completely accept it as the past and drop it... or move on. Because there really is no third choice. You don't have a right to criticise what she did before you were dating, any more than she can criticize you for what you did before.

Today is the here and now... the past is the past and can't be changed.. it is what it is.

So she slept with a guy... unless she was 40 when she did it... its not a big deal... if she was around 20 at the time, what's the big deal?

[dontknownuthin]

I would hope my future husband would not judge me by the failed relationships I experience on the road to finding him. She had this relationship, realized it was not right for her, and it ended. Problem solved before you cAme in the scene.
It it can be hard to socialize with your partner's exes, so don't. If you run into him, just be glad he is in your wife's past.

[Jake2008]

I agree with all of the above.

I thought at first you might get over this because she is your fiancé, and you love and trust her or you wouldn't be marrying her. But, you say you are 'tortured' every time you see this man.

That changes my perspective on this. Are you the type of man who would be jealous if she had co-workers who were male? If she looked at a good looking man at the beach? Would you wonder where she was if she was 10 minutes late?

To be jealous and insecure, as you are, at this stage of the game, doesn't bode well for a life long future with your fiancé, who will be your wife.

Examine yourself, and don't question her is what I advise you to do. Most people have had relationships, sexual, before they meet 'the one'. It is only at that point where nothing matters except what goes forward with that relationship. Not past relationships thrown in the mix, which is only asking for trouble.

I may be overstating this, but you feel jealousy, and particularly jealousy (for some reason) because in your opinion, he was far too old for her.

If your feelings toward this man haven't yet been discussed with your fiancé, I urge you to do so. It will be something to talk about, then something to let go. Otherwise, that monkey on your back will grow into a gorilla.