[victorb1785]

OK, so this happened yesterday, but it was coming for about a month now, if not even more. Some background into how it all went (it is going to be long, but it is required):

I started dating her back in 2010, that's almost 4 years together. It didn't start well, I was just a naïve inexperienced guy back then who fell in love with a woman who is 4 years older than him. She was just getting over a breakup herself, a 10 year-long marriage that was ending at that time. She has a kid with that man, she was still trying to bring their family together, but didn't say no when I asked her out. I was swallowing tons of pain at that time, I was getting out of my skin to be the guy that is capable of giving her what she needs, of making her happy, to be the guy that would be the right replacement to her husband. I realize it now that what I did was wrong, I should have never got myself involved in a relationship with someone who was still not ready for it. I remember the times I accepted the fact that she even slept with her husband in the attempt to bring the family back together. But she was kissing me and hanging out with me too, she never tolerated my lack of experience, and was giving me really hard times when I was just trying to get closer to her. You know, I did not get into their family to drive her away. Her husband left her, my brain was so immature back then that it had no control over my heart and my feeling towards her. We broke up multiple times, got back together again, as I felt like I was quitting and that I might regret it later.

Some year and a half of waiting, coping, hoping, she was saying she needed me because I make her feel better, that she is discovering things that she thought she'd lost, but at the same time, I was never enough for her. More than this, I could only get to see her like once a week, twice max, she had her duties, going to dance classes, some other stuff. I learned to accept all that, but somewhere deep down I knew all this would come to an end. I tried numerous times to talk to her about these things. She always said that I don't appreciate enough what she's doing for me, for our relationship, she said that if we don't share the same dreams (like dancing latino together, or some other stuff that she enjoyed doing) then she won't be with me. I was trying to explaing to her that it is not right to make someone share your dreams, but rather stimulate each other on following their dreams individually. She never agreed. I asked her to make time to see me at least one more day than just on some weekend night. It never got anywhere. The relationship with her started to look like just one-time-a-week sex relationship to me. I had to give up many dreams I had related to her - I lost belief I would ever get them accomplished next to her.

It all got worse starting last autumn, right after spending the vacation together at the sea side. I was starting a gym business with my coach and was heavily investing money and time in that. I am also a software developer and starting doing games development because this is something I like and I dreamed about making my own commercial games. This requires time and patience. She insisted that we moved in together. She was to move in with her child, this is why we needed to get a larger place, with at least two rooms. My single room flat that I am still renting was not sufficient. The reason why she insisted so much is that she wanted to get closer to me, and also because she found out that her ex husband found a new girlfriend, they moved in together and they were even planning to get married She was always in bad moods, my attempts to calm her down and comfort her were rarely successful. I was just feeling I am being used as a crying shoulder. Plus to this, when I told her it would not be possible to move in together for the time being, due to my new responsibilities that would take me about half a year to get sorted, she started to resent me, asked obsessively for time with her, got mad with me even on days when I was not feeling well and was unable to see her. This drove us away, both me and her. It started with me, I started avoiding her in some ways. I guess the only reason why I still stayed in the relationship with her is that the sex was great, and there was still hope that maybe someday, things will get better.

We started fighting more and more, my nervous system is at the limits right now. We didn't see each other for nearly a month. She told me yesterday she gave up, she never wants to see me again or get back to me again, that she wants to move on. I tried asking for another chance to patch things up, she refused to give it to me. She managed to bring the info of this to me in such a way that I feel guilty for everything that didn't work right in our relationship.

[victorb1785]

I feel an enormous pain right now. Like I will never see her again. The person who I was with for nearly 4 years is out of my reach now.

How do I cope with this? How do I get over this? I feel broken to pieces again, especially when I realize there's no going back (even if deep down, I know this was going to get here anyway).


Many thanks for any help.

[smoothy]

You pull up your big boy pants... and move on with your life. You will get over it... you really have no choice. Everyone goes through this... usually multiple times.

Sorry if thats a bit blunt....but its reality. SHow a spine...it only hurts as long as you let it. You can wallow in your misery...or you can move on and get over it far quicker. Your choice. You have to deal with it any way you cut it. There is no magical easy way out other than what I said. Eventually you are going to be laughing at yourself about why you made such a big deal out of it.

[victorb1785]

Thanks for your answer. Choice made - I'll clench my teeth and move on. Starting now.

[smoothy]

Best way to do it... the less you think about her... the quicker you will get over her.

[Homegirl 50]

Were you seriously happy with this woman who was jerking you around?
Breath a sigh of relief and move on.

[victorb1785]

No, I wasn't, now that I think about it. It's always been just about being a true man who makes her happy, regardless of the sh*t I was supposed to take.
My biggest mistake is that I got in this relationship in the first place. But I was a child (emotionally) back then. Then, in time, it was more and more difficult to end it. Too much investment just to throw it away. I can see now that that is no argument for staying in a relationship that was bringing me nowhere.
Thanks for your reply. I should indeed be thankful that it ended now and simply move on.

[catonsville]

Yes be very thankful, under the circumstances, that you did not have a child with this woman.

[talaniman]

You may be miserable now but now that the misery, conflict drama, and frustration has left you are free to find true happiness. You are one lucky person that the BS is over finally. Have a good cry, then celebrate your new freedom. It has to get better right?