[philip04]

I have been dating this girl for 5 years and it was starting to get serious, she would talk about marriage and if I would let her keep her last name or not. We are both in our mid twenties but she is on her last year of grad school, and I am working full time. We hardly ever fought, or disagreed with each other. She commented on when we talk to each other it gives her a special feeling. I asked her to move in with me and she was all excited about it and was picking stuff out for the house but then a month later, she said she wanted to break up, because she didn't know if she could live where I live because she says she feels like that's what everyone expects out of her,plush she doesn't know where she will work after she is done, and she is really family oriented which I love about her, so I don't really she her moving far away from all her family. When we were talking a week later she was crying and said this isn't what she wanted and that she will always love me, and she won't find anyone better then me. I bent over backwards for this girl, and she says she is just confused. There is no other man in her life, since we've been broken up for a month but I just told her two weeks ago I couldn't talk to her, or be her friend right now because it was just to hard. She started to cry, and sent me a message last week about something we already disscused about so I didn't reply. She said I'm not saying this is the end of us for good, but right now I don't have time for a relationship due to all the stress of grad school and working at the school. I am trying to give her space to figure out everything but how will I know its over for good? If she left it open like that and text me if show's she still thinks about me. Am I just wasting my time by thinking we'll get back together, or could it still happen? I am still in love with her, and would do anything I could to get her back, but I fear if I try to call her and convince her with what she wants it will push her away since only she can make that choice. I'll hate myself if I give up before I actually knew it was over. I have been keeping myself busy with friends and all that but I still can't sleep.

[2ndTime]

I read so much thread questions on this site that I can already see where you are headed. You think you have a possible chance at getting back together with her so you hang around the corner until she makes up the her decision. However, while you hang on to chance of love still left and the hope too much and stress and worry over this. Then one day she says she's back to you, next day she says she's not so sure and confused so she goes back to the other guy. So you keep on let her break your heart, keep you on the side. Looks like she wants the cake and eat it too. If you want a clear, healthy, loving relationship you need to tell her that you are ready for a serious relationship and she needs to make up her mind. If she comes out strong and cries that she's confused, then tell her you both need time away from each other, so that she can make up her mind. Hope this helped. You should read others threads(questions) and you will see what I am saying.

[AtLarge]

You are getting mixed messages for sure. Sounds like she is confused. Maybe if you could ask the right question it would help her open up.

One thing you said stands out. You said she brought up something you already discussed and you did not respond. Perhaps you did discuss it, but she needs to hear your answer again. Or there is something else she is looking for.

So... you might open up some dialogue by asking this: "When you brought up this topic we already discussed, what did you have in mind? What are you hoping I will say?"

Just a thought. Relationships are complicated.

Good luck!