[will I am]

We had suffered some hard times in our marriage and some lines may have been crossed on her part. She admitted to sending a topless photo to a male friend. But we have since moved on from all our transgressions and have been doing well. Since I work 6 days a week I asked for photos of her thinking of me just to show she missed and loved me and couldn't wait for me to get home. She always refused. I took some myself one day, no nudity just butt in women's briefs and her bare back. While I sleep she unlocked my phone and found photos while looking through it. Became mad and hours later still mad. I only wanted for myself and no one else. I wanted because I think my wife is gorgeous and incredibly sexy and amazingly beautiful. I'd be flattered if I found out she had pics of me. Just need a way to make her understand without bringing up past and help her understand my hurt feelings. We have been together for almost 10 years. Married 3.

[smoothy]

You don't... she's smart enough to understand how easily these can end up out there on the internet... also taking them when she is asleep is a serious betrayal of her trust.

You have to respect her decision...or you are disrespecting her as a person.

All you can do is ask....if she says no...all you can do is respect it.

[will I am]

So it's OK that she sent another naked photo but not her husband ? Hmmm

[smoothy]

Totally different issues...and seperate as well.

Just because she once took a topless photo...isn't a blanket excuse or pass to unlimited future photos in the future by someone else.

Lots of people have taken them and down the road later regretted doing it for a number of reasons.

[Cat1864]

No, it isn't okay. But it was her choice to take the pictures of herself in a compromising position. It is also not okay that she apparently 'snooped' on your phone. But that is a separate issue for you to discuss.

You took the pictures after she expressly said "No". There is a very big difference between the two actions.

Were you married when she sent the picture? Have you been together for the entire ten years with no 'breaks' or separations? How did you react when you found out about the picture? What did you say about the picture and her? Have you ever attempted to make her feel like because she did it for him she is obligated to take adult pictures for you?She may be harboring very negative memories about what happened that might be keeping her from sharing with you.

Do you want the pictures because you are away for days at a time or because you wanted what she gave someone else? Have you let go of the past and moved forward?

[talaniman]

She said no and you should have dropped it, and now you owe a big apology for not respecting her wishes, and going behind her back and doing it anyway. You both should take your medicine for being insecure sneaky idiots and try to move on, and treat each other better.

[Jake2008]

Making a choice to do something, is not the same, or equal to, someone else making the choice for you.

It is creepy that you would do this, and it is an invasion of privacy. Surely she's allowed to make decisions regarding her privacy?

I think there is more to this story. Maybe a little revenge for her having posted a picture of her boobs to another man- which, as you said, was a forgiven transgression. So, she hurt you by her past actions, and now you hurt her.

I don't buy your reasons, i.e. that she is beautiful, and you want a picture of her butt on your phone to remind you of that. Really? Sounds very lame.

Apologize, and hope that she learns she can trust you not to do anything like that again.

Taking her picture without her knowledge and/or consent, sounds vindictive to me.