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333888 · Feb 23, 2014, 09:31 PM

I've been with my girlfriend for about 8 months now and we seem to be perfect for each other, but she lives half way across the country :/ We talk all day every day and are completely in love. The problem is that she gets mad at me and yells so much and then when I ask what I did she says I didn't do anything but she's still mad. She says the problem is that I am the only one she can get mad at and that's why she yells at me. Randomly she'll get mad and tell me to leave her alone, only to return an hour later and apologize for yelling at me. Even though she apologizes, I'm still so bothered by it and just want the yelling to stop in the first place. I'm just wondering how I could possibly approach the issue and tell her to stop yelling for no reason and saying things she doesn't mean. Like literally she'll be saying she's so in love with me and how we'll always be together, then 5 seconds later she'll just freak and start saying she hates me. We've tried taking breaks but whenever we do, she comes back like 5 minutes later and apologizes and tells me not to leave her. What could I possibly do? (oh and by the way I'm 16 she's 17)... and also if you're going to just tell me to leave her then don't bother responding cause I can't be without her

talaniman · Feb 23, 2014, 09:38 PM

If you keep taking her back, and can't be without her, then keep taking her crazy BS. Have you met in person? This is far too much drama for a long distance on line relationship. It doesn't sound healthy at all.

333888 · Feb 23, 2014, 09:47 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

If you keep taking her back, and can't be without her, then keep taking her crazy BS. Have you met in person? This is far too much drama for a long distance on line relationship. It doesn't sound healthy at all.

We have met in person that's how I met her first, we didn't meet online or anything

odinn7 · Feb 23, 2014, 09:59 PM

She's a lunatic and is using you as her personal whipping boy when she gets mad. She is taking all her frustrations out on you for things that you have no control over. I've been there. Want to spend the rest of your life dealing with this? I wouldn't.

Alty · Feb 23, 2014, 10:35 PM

You talk all day every day. Wow. I guess you really do need her, since she's all you seem to have in your life. How do you manage this with school, work (if you work), sleep etc?

If you can't be without her you have only one option, and that's to take her crap, and learn to love it, because it won't change. If you can't accept her the way she is, then you have to move on, and lets face it, this isn't forever, not at your age. But you're 16 and you know everything, and you think this is love, so of course you don't want to hear that advice. When you two finally break up, let me know so I can tell you I told you so.

Fr_Chuck · Feb 23, 2014, 10:37 PM

You train her, when she starts to yell, just hang up the phone, turn your skype off, what ever you are doing, That way she can not yell.

Explain to her, that every time she starts to yell, you are not gong to listen, and that she should respect you more. ** she has no respect for you, to do this. You have no respect for yourself to allow her to keep coming back.

In the end, of course you are not perfect for each other, you do not enjoy being yelled at. (** there are people who enjoy that, even find it a sexual turn on) but obviously not you.

333888 · Feb 23, 2014, 10:50 PM

I have straight a's in school but still it makes it so hard. Whenever she's like this I can't sleep, can't eat. I put her in front of everything cause of how much I'm in love with her. Maybe as a girl can you tell me like... when you're just pissed randomly, what Don't you want to hear a guy tell you?

Wondergirl · Feb 24, 2014, 08:25 AM

Originally Posted by 333888

Maybe as a girl can you tell me like... when you're just pissed randomly, what Don't you want to hear a guy tell you?

I'm a girl. When I acted like that with a boyfriend or guyfriend, I never heard from him again. If I tried to contact him or sweet-talk him into dealing with me again, it didn't work. I learned fast to watch my mouth and not be moody around guys. And I had NO respect for any guy who put up with that kind of nonsense from me. (And she has NO respect for you!)

smoothy · Feb 24, 2014, 09:01 AM

I'm serious.. if you have any self respect... forget her... if you were "perfect for each other" you won't have much if any drama... and certainly none like this at all.

Heck..if she's any kind of a girl....she's already got a boyfriend she can actually see and touch where she lives at now. You need to grow a pair and do that too.

You are pen pals...and little more....you can't see or touch each other...and it will be years before you could...IF you managed to be able to afford to travel.

Whats wrong with finding a girl local to you?

Homegirl 50 · Feb 24, 2014, 01:05 PM

This relationship sounds dysfunctional with all the yelling and "I can't live without her" You two don't even see each other you just spend all day on the phone then yelling. That is crazy. When she yells at you, hang up on her. She does this over and over because you put up with it, and you put up with it because you think you can't live without her. Think about it, does that sound healthy to you?

Cat1864 · Feb 24, 2014, 03:34 PM

Originally Posted by 333888

I put her in front of everything cause of how much I'm in love with her.

You are not going to like this but you are 16 and just now at the stage of learning what romantic love is and how to build a healthy relationship. About this time you probably want to stick your fingers in your ears and shout "I can't hear you." I understand, but hope you will continue to read.

Loving someone does not mean you allow them to treat you like a punching bag. It is not okay for the other person to continue hitting you physically, verbally or emotionally. This female has two of those methods covered. She is beating you up with words and feelings. I have a very strong suspicion that she would be physically harming you if you were in the same location. She is being abusive and you are allowing it.

Look at her behavior for what it is. No excuses. No rationalizations. Don't look at it through the filter of 'love'. Look at it as though it was someone else. Would you want or allow anyone else to treat you the way she does? Why? Why not?

If she yells at you to leave her alone, do so. Leave her alone not for five minutes but a day or more. Walk away and get involved in something that helps you feel good about yourself. Get away from the computer and, if possible, your phone. Allow yourself to see that you can 'live' without her drama. She may learn that you can live without her drama and misplaced anger. It might cause her to realize she needs to be a better partner.

You need to love yourself more than you love her. I know it goes against everything you think love is supposed to be. However, you cannot be a full and healthy partner if you do not value and take care of yourself. Respect yourself and do not allow her to disrespect you by treating you like an object she can use to exercise her anger.

Fr_Chuck · Feb 25, 2014, 12:13 AM

No sane women acts like that, she sounds like a spoiled brat and you are just allowing it to happen. You are trying to find justification in her actions, there is none. No man would allow this to happen. You are just a teen, learning dating and you are getting it all wrong,

talaniman · Feb 25, 2014, 09:15 AM

I can understand giving your heart to someone that doesn't appreciate it, and doesn't know what to do with it. Done so a time or too myself, all in the name of love. What you fail to understand is your willingness to be disrespected and abused is not a sign of love, nor is it healthy for either of you. You put love above your own dignity, and self respect and she will never see a reason to act better. She will never respect you so can never love you in a healthy, proper way.

How can you be so in love you give up your dignity and self respect so easily, and for what? A text, a phone call that leaves you lower than a turd? That's what you can't live without? That's SICK!

Either stand up for your dignity and self respect, or keep taking her BS! Your choice, make a decision based on FACTS, and not just sick intense feelings.