[Debbi12373]

We have Been married 5 months but the problem has been going on for a while, he says he loves me but I feel lonely, frustrated and unloved. He is relatively inexperienced with girlfriends although he is 40. He blames this on his inadequacies.
I have suggested trying new things, talking, it seems I've run out of records to change.

Please she'd some light please.

[talaniman]

Specifically what inadequacy and if you could recount past experiences that would be helpful. Also some background like ages and how long you dated and were engaged and culture or general location would be helpful.

[Fr_Chuck]

Does he have problems with erections ?

Have you had sex ? What is problems with it?

Has he seen a doctor ?

[carolmonroe38]

I think if you're willing to stay in a sexless marriage, stay. If you ever want to have sex again in the future, leave. I'm speaking from experience. It really goes downhill from here. I went from having sex with my husband daily to 47 seconds once every six weeks. Furthermore, I get all the blame even though I've tried everything I could.

Admittedly he's on medication that makes him impotent although this started five years before that. But what hurts is the blame and him watching porn instead of having sex with me. I can't compete with these girls.

He always promises to take Viagra or do better, but that gets thrown to the wayside as soon as the conversation is over.

I'm at the point where I'm thinking about finding a lover. I love my husband, he's my best friend, he's very good to me, but my ego has been pummeled and I miss having real sex in the last eight years.

My advice is run while you still can, meaning before the mortgage, the kids, and more attachment. You're still too young to be in a sexless relationship. Don't be a hero and stay so you can "save" him. You're now finding out why he's "inexperienced." If a man (or woman) wants sex or a relationship, they go out and get it. He didn't, so... I'm sorry to be blunt but I'm giving you a realistic view of your future with him. Good luck.

[Elle16]

See a marriage counselor who specializes in sexual issues. Your husband may be having either physical or mental problems. For all you know, he could have been abused at some point in the past and sees pornography as a "safe" sexual outlet, whereas, human contact makes him uncomfortable. You made the decision to marry him even though these problems had been going on for a while, so there is obviously some love there and desire to be together. Don't give up on your marriage.

[Sheila s]

I am in the same situation, I have been fighting this battle for. 30 years. Haven't had sex in almost five years. Don't stay, it will not get better see all the counselors you want, but if he doesn't enjoy sex get out. What's the old saying "you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink". Get out before he takes all yourself esteem away. Sorry!

[Fr_Chuck]

I will strongly disagree with sheila, there are many issues and we have no idea what this issue is. The poster has not given enough information. Many men at 40 start having erection issues and other ED problems. A few poor performances and they feel less than a man, and avoid sex instead of admitting a problem and getting professional help.

I do not know if this is a problem.

Next OK, less sex, are you really in love ? This is where it is proved. Love is a lot, an entire lot more than just sex. A couple in love can find ways around a sexual issue if they try.

[justtired]

It does sound like the husband is having a problem. However, sex in marriage is very important. Someone described it as a "glue" that bonds a marriage. To be married at only 5 months, there should be sex almost every night. New things should be tried. If he is uncomfortable with them, then by all means, seek help.