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PrincessAlice · Dec 23, 2013, 07:35 AM

I recently moved in with my boyfriend of 3 and a half years. He is very open and completely honest about everything. Sometimes even things I don't want to know. In the past, he would tell me about the porn he's watched and even send me images of naked women, and that would discomfort me quite a bit. I eventually fessed up and told him it bothered me. I said I didn't care if he looked at porn, but I didn't want to know about it. But because he takes things to the extreme, he declared he'd never look at it again, because "if I can't tell you about something, then I don't want to do it." Which, I think is stupid, because everyone is entitled to their privacy. But anyway, even after I told him that's not what I wanted, he stopped looking at pornography. Stubborn Taurus.

Well, I moved in with him fairly recently and had a friend over, who has huge breasts, (mine are pretty small) by the way. And he would take shots at having her remove clothes, and at looking at her breasts. It made me feel awful. After she was gone, I confronted him about it. Aaaaaand he blamed ME for the whole thing, because he needed an "outlet" since he stopped watching porn. Mind you, he'd told me before that he wouldn't dare look at my friends that way, because it would be disrespectful to me. SO that was really a slap across the face.

Note he's going to the extreme again and saying he won't hang out with my friends again. But again, that's NOT what I want. I am losing faith already in having moved in with him. I'm a sensitive individual, so this is really doing damage to my confidence. Please help. Am I wrong in feeling this way?

Cat1864 · Dec 23, 2013, 08:38 AM

He sounds a bit immature in his emotional responses and behavior.

You were quite correct to tell him to keep his porn to himself. He was over-the-top in declaring he would give up porn. He was extremely out of line in his behavior with your friend and blaming his behavior on you. Whether you are sensitive or not isn't the issue. That he is insensitive and trying to get his way (making you share his porn viewing or any other thing he wants) by acting out is the issue.

Does he act this way in other areas? If so, for your emotional well-being I would suggest re-thinking the relationship. Can you live with walking on eggshells to keep him from going from one extreme to the other? If you have children with him, could you work with him to raise them or would you and the child(ren) be living in constant frustration (maybe even apprehension/fear) over his behavior?

smoothy · Dec 23, 2013, 09:22 AM

He's got issues... first it was really uncalled for him making those remarks about your friend in front of the both of you unless you all had the sort of relationship and friendship one could make such jokes... lacking that it was just poor taste in his part. A few people actually do (I'd say they are a small minority)....its clear you all don't.

I think it might be time to revisit why you are living with him and why you are even dating him... I'm a guy and I can't even fathom a reason for his sort of behaviour or responses.

Homegirl 50 · Dec 23, 2013, 04:21 PM

He sounds full of crap to me. His sending you his porn and then getting mad when you tell him you don't want to see it and his out of line behavior with your friend is just way over the top.
It's time to ask yourself if you want to continue to live with him or even be with him for that matter.

talaniman · Dec 23, 2013, 05:10 PM

This living together experiment will never work unless you can talk honestly and express fully. I see you going along with the program without nipping bad behavior in the bud. He is a manipulator and you let him be. Speak up and be precise and clear about what you say and mean. What shakes your confidence and shocks your sensitivities is how far he carries things and you must call him on it every time.

He can only get away with what you allow him too and allowing his BS only invites more BS. If you cannot stand up to this insensitive boob, best leave before he drives you nuts and frustrates the hell out of you. You probably will leave any way when you have had enough, and tell him so.

Fr_Chuck · Dec 23, 2013, 06:12 PM

He needs to talk to you, and he needs to get help in learning, moderation, not extremes.

And he should have a sexual outlet, YOU. Why does he need to see your friends naked.

As for the porn, most discussions are arguments in reality, so you need to revisit and tell him to look at it, in private if he wants to.

Jake2008 · Dec 25, 2013, 11:14 PM

I'm wondering why the woman with the big breasts didn't stop him?

He can't seem to regulate responsible, respectful behavior. Nor does he seem to have any 'stops'. It's all or nothing.

Why is he like this? Who knows, but he's a firecracker, and you are a convenient person to blame when he goes too far and says or does the wrong thing, then blames you for it.

I don't think it's your place to have to teach him common sense, and/or point out why he is so immature. His mommy should have done that.