[StuartBurvill]

We have been an on/off relationship for two years. She keeps mentioning gifts I got her and saying she still wears them (a necklace) and cuddles a teddy I gave her when she's lonely.

The guy she is with now is trying to stop her talking to me at all. The guy she is with, as she said herself, doesn't make her as happy as I did. She keeps making comments hinting back to intimate moments in the past.

Basically I'm conflicted as to whether telling her is the right way to go.

[joypulv]

Her conflicted behavior is too coy for me. Sounds like she's waiting for you to profess your undying love and inability to live without her, blah blah. Then she can jump back into your arms and break up again a short time later. Do you remember why you broke up? Doesn't the thought of this ever wear you out?
Sure, tell her, but in a matter of fact way, and keep it short - 'If you want to get back together, you have to make a clean break from him, and we have to have a serious talk about what was wrong before and how to work on those things.'

She's the one with the boyfriend. The burden is on her.

[talaniman]

Why hasn't she broken up with this guy and gotten back with you? I don't waste my time with females who are in relationships. Nothing but drama, conflict, and confusion.

Off and on for 2 years? You both are stuck. That's really not the way to live or love. Take her back and get "on" again and keep the insanity going. You will be back "off" again soon enough.

[StuartBurvill]

"Do you remember why you broke up? Doesn't the thought of this ever wear you out"

Thanks for the quick reply :)

We broke up because she thought she wasn't making me happy. This happened because, as I'm 17, my step dad regularly takes my phone to prove he is better than me so we didn't always talk when we wanted to. I have that problem dealt with now and I am getting a part time job soon so I can afford to see her as often as I need. I was just confused as to whether telling her was a good idea or not... I am seeing her on Sunday so I am hoping to decide by then.

A new update on this is that she isn't as happy with her current boyfriend as she was with me, and also that she would consider trying again.

Why hasn't she broken up with this guy and gotten back with you? I don't waste my time with females who are in relationships. Nothing but drama, conflict, and confusion.

Off and on for 2 years? You both are stuck. That's really not the way to live or love. Take her back and get "on" again and keep the insanity going. You will be back "off" again soon enough.

We always broke up for the same reason and I have that sorted now so it isn't an issue any more.
She hasn't broken up with him for me because she doesn't think its fair on him, and that is understandable .
I keep going back to her because I can't imagine life with anyone else, the happiest moments I remember were with her including both the intimate and the downright strange where we acted like two idiots in love.

[joypulv]

Uh-oh.. Your dad took your phone because why? Who exactly was paying the monthly bill, if you are just now getting a part time job? So you can afford to see her? What about paying the phone bill?
Sorry - I'm old. It burns me up when teens complain that THEIR phones were taken away.

[StuartBurvill]

Uh-oh.. Your dad took your phone because why? Who exactly was paying the monthly bill, if you are just now getting a part time job? So you can afford to see her? What about paying the phone bill?
Sorry - I'm old. It burns me up when teens complain that THEIR phones were taken away.

He never has a reason. He said, and I quote, "I'm doing this to prove I'm allowed to". I earned the money for credit doing odd jobs for my mum and cousins down the street.

[talaniman]

She hasn't broken up with him for me because she doesn't think its fair on him, and that is understandable .

Understandable?? That's sick and dishonest. You both have no clue about love or how to manage it. It's lying and cheating on her boyfriend that's not fair, and you're helping her do it.

[StuartBurvill]

Understandable?? That's sick and dishonest. You both have no clue about love or how to manage it. It's lying and cheating on her boyfriend that's not fair, and you're helping her do it.

We aren't together and we aren't doing anything, it is just talking. I told her it would be a good idea to tell him so he could have a chance to try again
Personally I think that if he makes her happy then I get what I always wanted, her to be happy. I just figured it would be best to let her know I have feelings for her if she wants me to stay in her life which she said she does.

[talaniman]

Now I understand, carry on with off and on.

[Jake2008]

She is playing you.

She has a boyfriend, but likes to have you in her back pocket- and gives you just enough, to stay in the picture, and wonder if it might work out for you and her again.

It seems to me the decent and honest thing for her to do, would be to make up her mind. She should stop with the fluffy stuff with you, and make up her mind about the one she is with. IF she leaves him, she needs time alone. It is never wise to jump from one relationship straight into another.

Try to be a little stronger, and realize that as long as she is with someone else, she is not available.

[StuartBurvill]

She is playing you.

She has a boyfriend, but likes to have you in her back pocket- and gives you just enough, to stay in the picture, and wonder if it might work out for you and her again.

It seems to me the decent and honest thing for her to do, would be to make up her mind. She should stop with the fluffy stuff with you, and make up her mind about the one she is with. IF she leaves him, she needs time alone. It is never wise to jump from one relationship straight into another.

Try to be a little stronger, and realize that as long as she is with someone else, she is not available.

I know she isn't available and I'm trying to be strong...
This is rather personal but she said last night that she can't have orgasms like the ones I gave her anymore and that thinking about me helps. I mean what? Why would she say that?

[J_9]

Dude, she has a boyfriend. Why are you even in contact with her?

[Cat1864]

I know she isn't available and I'm trying to be strong...
This is rather personal but she said last night that she can't have orgasms like the ones I gave her anymore and that thinking about me helps. I mean what? Why would she say that?

This will seem harsh.

You need to stop talking to her and end your confusion.

From what you have written here her behavior is extremely inappropriate and makes me wonder what games she was playing while dating you. Think about it. Stop making excuses for her and rationalizing her behavior.

No wonder he doesn't want her talking to you. If the roles were reversed, would you want her talking to him? Did they know each other when you were dating her?

I highly suggest only talking to or interacting with her when you have no other choice. At said times be polite but not friendly.

I may have missed if you said how old she is, but her physical age doesn't matter because she appears to have the emotional maturity of a toddler trying to hold all of its toys in its arms and reaching for the one that fell.

Get out and meet new people. Allow the feelings for her to fade as they should. Some part of you will always care for her. That is part of being a person capable of loving other people. However, it doesn't mean you should encourage those feelings to be main focus of your life.

[talaniman]

I know she isn't available and I'm trying to be strong...
This is rather personal but she said last night that she can't have orgasms like the ones I gave her anymore and that thinking about me helps. I mean what? Why would she say that?

To keep you available to be her emotional tampon. You love hearing crap like that and she knows it. Feeds your ego doesn't it?

[StuartBurvill]

To keep you available to be her emotional tampon. You love hearing crap like that and she knows it. Feeds your ego doesn't it?

It doesn't feed my ego because I really don't have one, I have never had self confidence so honestly yes of course it is nice to hear it. She is the only person I have been with in that way.

I know she has a boyfriend and I shouldn't talk to her but when I mentioned not speaking to her she rang me, in tears, begging me not to ignore her and it is rare that she cries and very obvious when she is genuinely upset. I can't bring myself to hurt a fly let alone someone I care about so I stayed in contact with her.

He has messed her about again today and told me while we were talking , admittedly 'emotional tampon' (a good metaphor I must admit) sounds about right now...

Also Cat, I have tried moving on before and not once has it worked, I have been with two girls since her and one cheated while the other just tried to take advantage of me being nice and in the end she got with her 'childhood friend' who moved away then came back. I said as much to her about him not wanting us in contact or to see each other on Sunday, but she said that "he is too controlling over who I talk to and where I go"...

I am really bad at ecplaining for her, I wish I could get her to explain herself but she, surprisingly, doesn't know I am posting this here.

Just in case I am using a fake name and email so she doesn't find out.

[joypulv]

You are 17 - that's tough enough.
You don't have self confidence or self esteem, according to you, and it's clear anyway.
Until you get some, you are doomed to a life time of being walked all over. Pummeled to a pulp. Reamed, steamed, and dry cleaned. Ripped to shreds. I'm out of metaphors.

Learn to be alone, on your own, and no, it's not lonely if you spend that time developing a sense of self instead of exhausting yourself on ingratiating yourself to others. It doesn't mean being cool and aloof and standoffish. It doesn't mean you can't be kind and thoughtful and sweet. It means you assess each person for where they stand with you and just LEAVE if it's not a good, mutual relationship.