[Fort12345]

Hello,

My girlfriend and I have been together for 9 months. We have been arguing a lot because she is not happy with the way her life is going. She lost her job and has been really upset for a while. Its always on her mind how she is going to pay her car payments and bills, and how she is going to pay for school. I told her I'm here for you and I will face these problems with you. I keep telling her you and me against the world. I tried talking to her she just doesn't want to talk. I feel like she is not putting the effort and is quitting. I don't know what to do.

She tells she loves me and she doesn't want to lose me but at the same time says is not fair for me to be unhappy either. She won't want to meet with me to talk or call. What should I do? Please help.

[Alty]

You and her against the world, you're there for her. Unless you're putting up the money for her obligations, car payments, school, bills, and whatever else, that's just lip service, and no, I'm not saying you should pay for any of that, but really, telling her you're there for her doesn't help at all.

She has obligations, obligations that require money. She lost her job, so she can't pay for those obligations. That's a lot of stress. How are you helping at all? So it's you and her against the world. That doesn't pay the bills, that doesn't stop her car from being repossessed, and it doesn't pay for school. She's dealing with adult problems, you're just ticked because she's not putting in the effort? What effort? The effort to believe everything's just magically going to be okay because she's with you and you talk a lot about something you're not helping her solve?

Instead of adding stress on her by arguing with her, or saying things like "it's you and me against the world, I'm here for you, I'll face these problems with you", how about shutting your mouth and listening to her? Unless you're actually helping her deal with these issues, everything you're saying means nothing at all.

[joypulv]

It's noble of her to refuse your help. Can you explain how involved you are with her, and what you have offered to do? Perhaps she would take a loan with a written and notarized promissory note. Perhaps you could buy her car and put the title in your name, and lend it to her.
But if she doesn't want to be beholden to you, then you must let her solve her problems, and just wait. You have no choice.

[Fort12345]

I'm very involved with her we have been together for 9 months and are extremely close I offered my help unfortunately I can't buy her car or put it under my name because I don't have citizenship here. I Feel like I'm loosing her please help

[talaniman]

Back off and stop arguing and promising the world. I take it you don't live together, and since she doesn't want to talk about it, nor want your help, just be a good listener when she does. I have to be honest, if this is the way she handles stress and challenges by shutting you out, you better pay attention.

No doubt she may be overwhelmed, who wouldn't be, and I imagine how helpless you may feel, but if she doesn't want your help (money) then give her space to figure it out.

[Jake2008]

After only 9 months of a relationship, I think you should be thinking in a more practical way.

I take it you cannot support her financially, buy her a car, or pay her bills. I get the impression that if you could, you would. I think that is not appropriate in such a short relationship, but for the moment, that's a moot point.

Where is her family? Has she talked to the school about financial, short term solutions? Can she sell her car? Why can't she find other work? How did she lose her job in the first place, and going to school probably means she was working only part time, and that couldn't have paid all the bills she had anyway.

You are arguing a lot, because, you say she is unhappy. Many thousands upon thousands of people lose jobs everyday, and are unhappy too. That's life, and many of us have been where she is now. There is no 'cure'- and after the initial shock, you do what you have to do to get back on your feet. They are her bills and responsibilities, not yours.

If she won't talk, or listen to advice, or is argumentative and not accepting of help, give her the dignity of not pushing the issues she has. She has clearly said she doesn't want to meet with you, or talk, or call.

Back off, take her wishes seriously- leave her alone.

She will get back on her feet again, without your assistance. That seems to me at least, the message she is trying to get through to you. She is not able to continue a romantic relationship with you because she has too many other things to worry about right now.

Leave her be.