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brokenhearted25 · Mar 30, 2007, 08:51 AM

Hi,
I dated my boyfriend for 10 months. We lived together for 4 of those 10 months. We had a very volitile relationship at times. We broke up 3 times before but we were always together again in a week. I had left before but this time was the first time I ever took furniture. We had a big fight and the next morning the first thing he said to me was "I thought you were leaving". I did leave. I went for a drive, cooled my head and went back. He told me at that point that he wanted me to stay and that he loved me but the choice was up to me. I guess I felt he didn't fight hard enuf or say enuf so I walked out the door. 2 hours later (after picking up a friend and a truck) I realized I made a mistake. I sat in what was our apartment and cried and asked my friend to call him to tell him I didn't want to do it. Long story short, I'm sitting here today after crying, begging and grovelling, wondering what I can do to win him back. The relationship was good and all this time I was thinking it would just take him a week and we would be back together. No dice. He's told me we're over, that he wants to be alone. Fine. So I suppose my question is, what do I do now? I can't move on because I know he's the one I want to be with, but he's not being receptive at all. Help. This was 2 weeks ago on Sunday and I'm still crying over it.

talaniman · Mar 30, 2007, 10:21 AM

If breaking up numerous times is what you call a good relationship then you are fooling yourself. Don't go back as you both need time and space. It may be time to move on.

brokenhearted25 · Mar 30, 2007, 10:26 AM

How does one "move on" then? Because I figured after 2 weeks of crying, this should be it. For some reason, I keep thinking I can reason with him, change his mind, get him to see how good things were. It's pathetic, I know. Not calling is so hard. Not going by our old place is hard too. He's still there, I moved back in with my parents. It's frustrating.

talaniman · Mar 30, 2007, 10:43 AM

Moving on is cutting off all communications and building a life that makes you happy with out them. It takes time and a lot of work to get healthy from a break-up. I wish it were easier, but accept its over and get busy with you.

brokenhearted25 · Mar 30, 2007, 10:47 AM

I'm just so frustrated that he won't talk to me about it. I want to change his mind. I wish he could see what he has/had. He is just being so stubborn. Keeps telling me he wants to do things on his own and that I complain too much. I wasn't complaining in my eyes (or my friends' eyes either), it was discussing issues that I had, whether they be in the relationship or outside the relationship. I don't understand this.

talaniman · Mar 30, 2007, 10:56 AM

You really need to accept the fact its over, for your own good.

brokenhearted25 · Mar 30, 2007, 10:58 AM

Ok, here's the $64000 question... how? How do I turn these thoughts and feelings off and get on with it? How do I stop the inevitable pit in my stomach? How do I stop the tears?

sypher373 · Mar 30, 2007, 11:02 AM

Originally Posted by brokenhearted25

Ok, here's the $64000 question...how? How do I turn these thoughts and feelings off and get on with it? How do I stop the inevitable pit in my stomach? How do I stop the tears?

1) Its not going to be easy.
2) Its not going to be fast.

Try to keep yourself busy, think more about yourself and what you want to do with your life. Trust me, getting him to talk about it won't help. Even if he would talk about it, all that would do is lead to more questions, and more hurt... its an endless cycle.

Your best bet is to try to focus on yourself... develop a new hobby, something that has nothing to do with your life with him. Exercise is a great release as well, makes you feel good about yourself, and you don't dwell on the past.

Best of Luck

brokenhearted25 · Mar 30, 2007, 11:07 AM

It's so hard when this is all I think about. Seriously. I go to bed thinking about it, I wake up thinking about it. When I go for a drive to clear my head, I see cars that look like his. I hear his name in songs or commercials. It's totally consuming

Rockabilly1955mama · Mar 30, 2007, 11:12 AM

Stock up on the ice cream my dear! Heatbreak is a pain. But it'll go away soon. You just got to put your mind to it and think postitive. Don't think about that fool, he's no good. Think about YOU and want YOU want. You'll find a man in no time sweetie! Gather the ladies up and hit some clubs or party scenes. Talk to the fellas and you never know you may find another man 2132143 times better then your ex. =]

You've got nothing to loose.

brokenhearted25 · Mar 30, 2007, 11:13 AM

Him. He's what I've got to lose.

i12bmenhappy · Mar 30, 2007, 11:15 AM

Here is something my father once did for me... He stuck two Band-Aids on my arm. One of them he pulled off really slowly pulling out every hair it had stuck to and me squealing the whole time. The second he ripped off in one quick motion... Now can you guess which one hurt more? (If not, it is easy just go get two Band-Aids!) The longer you linger in this limbo with the thought that you could once be together again... the longer you hold on the more it will hurt. If you just let it go and realize it is over the more quick it will be and the less it will sting. You are just 'pulling hairs' now.

Rockabilly1955mama · Mar 30, 2007, 11:18 AM

Don't worry sweetie. I've been there, hell I think every lady has. You're just heartbroken and you think you'll never be able to love again. It's false. Don't talk to him, about him. Don't do ANYTHING that has to deal with him. Stay away from that. Think of the future. Do what you like to do. Do anything to get your mind off him. If he wants it to be over, screw him. Men aren't the type to take back an ex. They want to experience more gals. And you just have to face that. You CANNOT change his mind. You have just got to move on. And yes, it will be hard, but it's something that must be done.

talaniman · Mar 30, 2007, 11:21 AM

Him. He's what I've got to lose.

He is gone already

Rockabilly1955mama · Mar 30, 2007, 11:25 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Its called sitting on a pity pot saying "oh woe is me" and its pathetic and disgusting. Get of you butt and start putting you a life together that you enjoy without him, or drown in your own S**T. If you cannot love yourself and kick this jerk who causeds all this pain to the curb, then you need help!

Flat out and serious, this tells it all!

talaniman · Mar 30, 2007, 11:45 AM

As you see I decided to change that post to something nicer, but that doesn't mean that I don't feel the original version.

Darth Scourge · Mar 30, 2007, 11:48 AM

The best way to get over one person is to get on with another. Try that. Move on and see someone else.

If you must have that guy, try the old saying that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. Or volunteer to do something "racy" that will get his attention (at least at first).

I'd move on if I were you.

brokenhearted25 · Apr 1, 2007, 07:20 PM

Update...
I went away for the weekend and before I left I called him regarding stuff that was still at his place. He called me 3 hours later while I was stuck in traffic. He went on and on about how he wanted his space, he wants to be friends, how much he cares about me but it seems as though we never broke up. He told me to go out and meet someone to take my mind off him. I said fine, hung up and continued on my merry way. 3 hours later (several martinis & sitting in a hot tub), I found a message on my cell phone from him, appologizing for "snapping" at me. Ok. Take it for what it's worth. He said if we were going to be friends he wanted his space. He said again how much he cares about me, but he wants his space. Fine. I'm giving it to him. I have not spoken to him since Friday. So here's the new question of the day... the conversation (as far as I'm concerned) did not warrant an apology, and yet, he called with one. Why? What next? How much space do I give? When is it safe to call? HELP... Some friends think he's reconsidering and he freaked himself out by what he said. Another friend said I'm reading too much into it... 48 hours with NC... and counting (hopefully)... But again... Why? What happens if he calls!

talaniman · Apr 1, 2007, 09:51 PM

Kick him to the curb and find your own happiness. Its so simple and you could do so much better. Why put yourself through this misery and pain when you don't have to.

missbeach123 · Apr 1, 2007, 10:03 PM

Im going through the same thing. My boyfriend of three years broke up with me last week because recently I have become to needy and dependent on him. I feel I was simply compensating for his pulling away from me. Anyway, I love him and want him back. Its been four days since his decision and after my begging he has revised the decision to a "break until summer". My problem is, now I'm paranoid he's just saying that. Anyway, Today is the first day I did not contact him at all. No text, because I knew it would hurt more if he didn't respond. Its like starting over again. Im going to try this no contact thing, we've talked every day for 3 years, so he needs to feel a loss. I want him back too, we should talk about this were in similar stages. I want to know how you are! Begging and groveling isn't working for me, I think its making him more confident, meaning he'll take more time to decide whether he wants me. WE MUST NOT BEG, WE ARE WORTH BEING WITH AND THEY NEED TO FEEL A VOID. Talk to me if u'd like!