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endlesslove230 · Oct 15, 2013, 09:00 PM

From my previous posts, you know my relationship was not as perfect as I thought and recently everything got worse and I couldn't bear it anymore, so I broke up with him.

In the first day, he tried to get me back. He begged me for hours to get him back, but I said no. He got mad and started swearing and calling me names. Afterwards, he seemed OK, but started to beg me again and again and again. I know I should have listened to my friends and go NC as soon as possible. He would have given up and even if he were hurt, he got over it. But I wanted him to understand the reason and it proved it doesn't matter for him.

He got sick, really sick. He is down with hepatitis, got down 6 kg in 2 days and he says he's spitting blood. He says that I am everything for him and if I disappear, he has no reason to live anymore because he doesn't want to see me in somebody else's hands not can he get in love with somebody else. He keeps repeating he has changed and wants to change, but I don't want anything with him anymore. However, I am very concerned, because I know he's serious and he will kill himself. I talked to his mother and she said she would talk to him, but things only got worse and he doesn't want to accept the situation. She told me to go on with my life because things will get better, but they won't. And when he will be dead, I am the one to blame for because I didn't tell his parents what was going on. I think this is a couple stuff, not a parents-couple, so I don't think it's my fault. However, what do I do to stop this nightmare? If of any help, he is to turn 23 in two weeks.

odinn7 · Oct 15, 2013, 09:13 PM

You can't live your life as a hostage to someone who can't handle a break up like a mature adult. Sure, break ups are hard but we get over it and move on... we don't sit there and try to keep the person by using guilt.

Move on... go no contact... don't look back. This is not healthy for you at all.

IF he does happen to kill himself, which he probably won't, it's not your fault. It's the sign of his own mental instability in which he cannot cope with every day real life.

Fr_Chuck · Oct 15, 2013, 11:17 PM

This is a form of emotional abuse. If he gets over this, he will know how to control you forever.

You go no contact, you honestly and actually stop answering any phone call, don't read a text message, don't read a email. You don't talk to him again. His mother can see he gets help

endlesslove230 · Oct 16, 2013, 12:11 AM

I totally agree with both of you, but how am I supposed to live with the guilt and shame of his death if he kills himself? It is a small town, everybody will think is my fault and I don't want to embarrass my family.

I hope he won't get that far, but I know him pretty well and he will either kill himself or end up in a sanatory for the rest of his life.

I wish he lived a better life, but since he thinks I am the only solutiom fot anything and my life with him would be a bitter nightmare in which I have to deal with an instable and literally insane man. I don't want to run from responsibilities but I am still young and I can choose something better for my life. I don't want to ruin what I've done so far nor end up frustrated at 50 years old.

Fr_Chuck · Oct 16, 2013, 12:24 AM

He is not your responsibility, he is trying to use you, not get real help

joypulv · Oct 16, 2013, 02:15 AM

I had a similar situation 45 years ago, and it was a struggle for me to deal with guilt.
But you cannot allow yourself to be held hostage like this.
If you live your life catering to his threats and neediness, you will be a hostage forever.
You told people what he said - that's all you need to do.
Now go NC and mean it, and tell people why you did.

endlesslove230 · Oct 16, 2013, 02:58 AM

It appears I have no other choice, but I'll get through it somehow. Time will heal everything and I hope God understands my decision of leaving.

Oliver2011 · Oct 16, 2013, 06:41 AM

Originally Posted by odinn7

You can't live your life as a hostage to someone

Amen & enough said.

You also have to wonder what drama round #'s 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, etc will bring.

Wondergirl · Oct 16, 2013, 07:05 AM

Originally Posted by endlesslove230

I totally agree with both of you, but how am I supposed to live with the guilt and shame of his death if he kills himself? It is a small town, everybody will think is my fault and I don't want to embarrass my family.

I hope he won't get that far, but I know him pretty well and he will either kill himself or end up in a sanatory for the rest of his life.

I went through a similar thing years ago -- small town, we thought we were the perfect couple, marriage had been discussed, but things didn't work out, so I broke up with him. I was in college and he was back home. No electronic communication back then, so all he was able to do was send me snail mail -- letter after letter pleading with me to reconsider or he would kill himself. I finally grew a backbone and refused to read his letters, would just tear them up and throw them away. I was scared he would go through with suicide, so I waited anxiously for news from home. Within six months, he had married someone else.

endlesslove230 · Oct 16, 2013, 01:22 PM

I am so sorry for you, Wondergirl. I hope you you found the right person meanwhile or at least, that you lead a happier life :)

Wondergirl · Oct 16, 2013, 01:26 PM

Originally Posted by endlesslove230

I am so sorry for you, Wondergirl. I hope you you found the right person meanwhile or at least, that you lead a happier life :)

I've been married for over 46 years, so no need to feel sorry for me. I just wanted you to know that a boyfriend threatening suicide after a breakup doesn't mean he's going to do it. And if he does, there's a lot more wrong than his supposed heartbreak.