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goodkarma_1 · Oct 7, 2013, 01:44 PM

Hi and thanks for reading. Last night I blew up on my boyfriend and Im not sure if I overreacted or had a legitimate reason to do so. This had been a subject that has always bothered me and although it's a silly thing Ive always felt something in my gut. Him and I are not Facebook friends, neither party have requested. I wanted to respect his privacy and I know he doesn't want me on his profile due to past pictures, friends (other females), conversations etc etc therefor I never brought up the subject. So last evening, he asks me to sign on to YouTube and after a few min I guess he remembered that he was already logged on Facebook and rushed over to take control. It was late and I seen his ex girlfriend in his favorites list and I confronted him. I wouldn't have been so bothered however this is the same ex that was phoning him while we were dating in the beginning and my intuition was always bothered by her. I know this is sounds childish but it's the big picture I'm looking at. Why did he rush over as if he was hiding? He doesn't include me on his profile yet had her on his page? And did nothing but defend himself saying its nothing. I have kept my calm up to this point and something in me lashed out last night. I couldn't help it, its what I was feeling at the moment. Did I overreact or is that something to be upset over?

Jake2008 · Oct 7, 2013, 03:51 PM

Blowing up, losing control, and angry confrontations without proof, is the sign of an insecure person.

He probably didn't want to add you to his Facebook, because he had a pretty good idea how jealous and insecure you were. Why risk the grief.

I suspect that had he offered you total access, you would have gone into orbit.

I have been married 36 years, and would never, ever had gotten this far without complete trust in my husband- and him in me. I've never gone through his phone, never touched his wallet, or gone searching for proof of anything.

What you have done is opened up a can of worms. Now you are convinced that he has something to confess, and probably won't let it go until you keep badgering him about someone on his 'friend's' list.

You are creating a wedge, where none need exist. You owe him an apology for totally and completely over reacting without merit, and he needs a promise that he is indeed, entitled to his privacy, and it is none of your concern who his friends are. He does not need your permission, nor does he need the third degree.

Keep it up, and he'll be gone.

Alty · Oct 7, 2013, 04:34 PM

I don't agree with Jake.

You two are dating, you're together. He has his ex on his fb, but not you? Why not? What does he have to hide?

When he realized his fb was up, and you might see it, he rushed over. To me that says he has something to hide. If there was nothing to hide, why the concern? Why did he have to rush to the computer to shut down his fb?

You obviously don't trust him, and frankly, if it were me, I wouldn't either.

What you do about from this point on is up to you, but no, I don't think you overreacted.

goodkarma_1 · Oct 7, 2013, 07:19 PM

Originally Posted by Jake2008

Blowing up, losing control, and angry confrontations without proof, is the sign of an insecure person.

He probably didn't want to add you to his Facebook, because he had a pretty good idea how jealous and insecure you were. Why risk the grief.

I suspect that had he offered you total access, you would have gone into orbit.

I have been married 36 years, and would never, ever had gotten this far without complete trust in my husband- and him in me. I've never gone through his phone, never touched his wallet, or gone searching for proof of anything.

What you have done is opened up a can of worms. Now you are convinced that he has something to confess, and probably won't let it go until you keep badgering him about someone on his 'friend's' list.

You are creating a wedge, where none need exist. You owe him an apology for totally and completely over reacting without merit, and he needs a promise that he is indeed, entitled to his privacy, and it is none of your concern who his friends are. He does not need your permission, nor does he need the third degree.

Keep it up, and he'll be gone.

Jake, first off I don't perhaps all this anger in this reply is a sign your not getting any. 36 yrs and no concerns whatsoever? I call that bs / your on cloud nine. What a lucky guy to have a wife like that. I understand part of what your say however I'm looking out for myself.like u, I never checked or invaded my ex of ten yrs to only find out he was cheating on me with a coworker. There no need to call me insucure because I'm quite the opposite. Im looking out for myself. You need to open your eyes sometimes :)

odinn7 · Oct 7, 2013, 07:44 PM

I agree with Alty... You should be on his page but OK, you're not, whatever... BUT the big red flag is that he rushed over to shut down FB when he realized it was open. He wouldn't have needed to rush over and shut it down if he didn't have something to hide. There is no possible reason I can think of that he would have felt the need to do that other than he was worried you may see something that he didn't want you to see.

goodkarma_1 · Oct 7, 2013, 07:48 PM

Originally Posted by Alty

I don't agree with Jake.

You two are dating, you're together. He has his ex on his fb, but not you? Why not? What does he have to hide?

When he realized his fb was up, and you might see it, he rushed over. To me that says he has something to hide. If there was nothing to hide, why the concern? Why did he have to rush to the computer to shut down his fb?

You obviously don't trust him, and frankly, if it were me, I wouldn't either.

What you do about from this point on is up to you, but no, I don't think you overreacted.

Thanks for the input. I appreciate it. Exacltly my point, if there is nothing to hide why rush over? I would do that if I had something to hide of course! I don't want to come across insecure onviously and this has been on my mind for awhile. I haven't spoken up until last night. I kept my cool and wanted to trust him. I don't know what I'm going to do, guess I have some thinking to do. Thanks again

Alty · Oct 7, 2013, 07:55 PM

Originally Posted by goodkarma_1

Thanks for the input. I appreciate it. Exacltly my point, if there is nothing to hide why rush over? I would do that if i had something to hide of course! I dont want to come across insecure onviously and this has been on my mind for awhile. I havent spoken up til last night. I kept my cool and wanted to trust him. I dont know what im going to do, guess i have some thinking to do. Thanks again

I've been married for 18 years, been with my husband for 23 years. I do trust him, but I have to say, if he was doing what your boyfriend is doing, I'd wonder why.

That doesn't mean you're insecure, it means you're aware that something might be going on. Only you can protect yourself, no one else will do it for you.

If my husband didn't have me on his fb (even though fb is just a social media site and really has nothing to do with a relationship) I'd wonder why. What's he hiding? I don't need to know his password, I don't expect him to allow me to go on his account, and I'd never ask that. But if he won't even friend me on fb, I'd wonder why. If he had fb up on the computer, and I went to use it and he rushed over to shut down his fb, that would be a major red flag that he's doing something he doesn't want me to know about.

I really don't know what to tell you. If it were me I'd send him a friend request on fb. If he doesn't accept it, ask why he won't friend you, his girlfriend, but his ex is just fine to friend.

I really wish I could set your mind at ease, but this would really bother me too. I'd probably handle it by doing a lot of screaming, which isn't the best advice. :(

Cat1864 · Oct 7, 2013, 08:31 PM

The red flag for me is his over-reacting to you possibly seeing his Facebook page. I doubt you would have reacted as strongly as you did if he hadn't rushed over to close it.

I am a bit confused over why you are upset about not being on his Facebook page since neither of you have made a friend request. Are you saying that his status was single, he made no mention of you as his girlfriend, or something along those lines while he has her as a friend?

How long have you been dating? How well have you communicated about other issues? Is this the only or largest issue between you?

Something for you to think over, are you being careful not to compare the current boyfriend with the ex? Is part of you expecting him to stray?