[vanessa707]

We have been together for about nine years now and I love him now more then ever but even though he doesn't say it. It has become painfully clear that his feelings for me have changed and I don't know what to do. I don't want to loose him. It's killing me inside.

He has said he is not happy and of course neither am I because he's not. We have come close to breaking up, but then he decided we could try to fix us, but seems to me nothing had changed. He rarely touches me, even a hug is hard to come by these days. I do any and everything I possibly can for him, but it doesn't matter what I do, or how I try. He just doesn't seem to care. Feels like he just rather be left alone.

I don't think I have ever hurt so bad and I just don't know what to do. I can't find the strength to walk away, my heart won't let me.

[talaniman]

Do you both work, or have kids? Are you needy or insecure? Do you have a life with friend, family, and activities you enjoy? Have there been any major changes in your lives like employment, finances, changes in location? How long has this unhappiness been going on?

Just trying to understand what's going on with you.

[Wondergirl]

Back off and don't try so hard. You are being needy and annoying. If he has any doubts, this kind of behavior will make him feel sure he doesn't want you in his life.

Find other interests -- read book, learn a new hobby, go for long walks alone or with a girlfriend, go to the mall alone or with friends, go to the library and museums, take a course or two at the local college, try out new recipes, create a terrarium out of a 10 gallon aquarium and add chameleons. Find out who YOU are and don't get lost in him (or some other guy).

[vanessa707]

Yes have kids but none together and I have many intrests and hobbies don't think I am needy or annoying I give him plenty of space he says I never talk to him but seem like when I try feels like I am bothering him I really don't no what to do

[Jake2008]

There is no magic potion to make somebody love you, or learn to love you again.

It seems painfully clear that for reasons you haven't yet explained, that he has drifted apart from you and the children. (I assume that you and him are raising your children together?)

You must know him very well after 9 years together. Is there really nothing you can say that might explain how things have ended up like this?

Are there any employment problems, or substance abuse, or affairs? Does he offer any explanation? Is he staying out more, and avoiding home and his responsibilities at home?

You make it sound like a lightening strike, with no apparent reason.