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ilovex_12 · Aug 21, 2013, 02:08 PM

Boyfriend of a year and a month broke up with me. But he calls me every night just to fall asleep on the phone with me. I miss him and I love him so much I'd give him the world if I could, I really want him back. Our relationship wasn't perfect but it wasn't the worse. We had our problems like every other relationship just more than others.

>Threads merged to keep all advice on this subject in one place.<

N0help4u · Aug 21, 2013, 02:12 PM

Have you asked him why he still feels so attached to yet doesn't want to be with you? Have you asked him about if he feels he would want to get back together with you? Would you want to get back with him if he asked?

ilovex_12 · Aug 21, 2013, 02:28 PM

Originally Posted by N0help4u

Have you asked him why he still feels so attached to yet doesn't want to be with you? Have you asked him about if he feels he would want to get back together with you? Would you want to get back with him if he asked?

no I haven't asked him that and yes if he asked I would say yes but everybody keeps telling me to not get back with him they say he treats me bad he's a little controlling which I like I know he loves me no one really understands why I don't want to give up on him

N0help4u · Aug 21, 2013, 06:06 PM

The only way you can clear the air is talk things out with him. Tell him anything that bothered you about the relationship. Although that is no guarantee that he will or has changed. An ex that wants to get back will promise you the stars, the sun and the moon, but when it comes down to it they rarely comprehend what they are doing wrong to even begin to realize how to change it.

Alty · Aug 21, 2013, 06:11 PM

No contact is a great tool. The next time he calls I'd tell him that you no longer wish to talk to him, that you need to be allowed the chance to move on since he doesn't want to be with you, and it's not fair that he won't allow you to do that.

Block his number, delete him from Facebook, and every other way he can contact you, and then ignore him.

He chose not to be with you, so he has to learn to live without you, and he has to give you the chance to live without him.

He's stringing you along. That's very cruel. Don't let him do it. Take back the control. It's your life, you don't have to let anyone use you.

No Contact. It's not easy, but it's worth it.

Homegirl 50 · Aug 21, 2013, 06:17 PM

He broke up with you, so he should not be calling you every night. He should not be calling you at all/ He either wants to be with your or he doesn't.
You need to break all contact with him so you can get over him. You tell him he left, so he should leave you alone. Don't allow him to treat you like an old shoe he has stopped wearing but does not want to throw away. He is totally disrespecting you and your feelings.

Alty · Aug 21, 2013, 06:21 PM

Oops! You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Homegirl 50 again.

I completely agree Homegirl.

LULU42 · Aug 21, 2013, 06:22 PM

Absolutely, no contact is best. He doesn't sound like a very nice guy and if people in your life who love and care about you are telling you not to get back with him you should listen to them after all your feelings and emotions can get in the way of making good choices sometimes but they see it for what it is and trust me a little controlling might seem cute for a minute but it gets old really fast when it goes from a little to a lot and that is usually what happens.

Alty · Aug 21, 2013, 06:26 PM

Oops! You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to LULU42 again.

Geesh, I'm par for 2. I have to spread the love before I can rep you again, but I completely agree.

I would suggest that the OP (original poster) read Lulu's thread. She knows what she's talking about when it comes to controlling men. It soon turns to abuse. Before you know it, you have two kids with the guy and it's not that easy to leave.

Bottom line, he dumped you. Instead of being upset, I'd be grateful and find someone else, someone that treats you the way you deserve to be treated.

talaniman · Aug 21, 2013, 06:29 PM

So you allow him to use you as his emotional tampon hoping he asks you to come back to him? He is getting what he wants and has no need to pay for the cow as long as you give him free milk. He may be bored and alone now but when he find a new interest you are history.

Tell him to leave you alone because he isn't serious, just selfish and not allowing you to move on after being dumped. He is stringing you along, and that's not love just false hope on your part.

NO CONTACT was made for you, and

Talaniman Rule- When you get dumped, DISSAPEAR from their life.

Then you eliminate confusion avoid false hope, and keep your dignity, and self respect, through healing and rebuilding a life you enjoy without them.

Homegirl 50 · Aug 21, 2013, 06:33 PM

This guy is still controlling you and that is not good.

Alty · Aug 21, 2013, 07:27 PM

Oops! You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to talaniman again.

Oh for goodness sake. You all are just way too on the ball lately! ;)

ilovex_12 · Aug 23, 2013, 03:03 PM

Thank you for all the advice when he calls tonight I think I will tell him if he's not trying to be together then we can't talk

ilovex_12 · Aug 23, 2013, 04:00 PM

My ex calls me every night tonight I think I should tell him to stop calling me so I can try and move on.. he broke up with me.. I miss him a lot and I love him but I don't know why we aren't together he says he misses me but its complicated

smoothy · Aug 23, 2013, 05:04 PM

So... block his calls... or just refuse to answer them.

Or you can Assign a ring tone special to his number that is effectively silent...

Wondergirl · Aug 23, 2013, 05:07 PM

Don't tell him anything. Like smoothy said, block his calls.

talaniman · Aug 23, 2013, 08:49 PM

Originally Posted by ilovex_12

My ex calls me every night tonight i think i should tell him to stop calling me so i can try and move on .. he broke up with me .. i miss him alot and i love him but idk why we arent together he says he misses me but its complicated

Its not complicated but false hope makes it so. Its real simple, he dumped you, and keeps you hanging, and hoping, unable to get your crap together and do what's best for you.

You got dumped is why you aren't together. So now you get punked, and still won't be together. Do as Smoothy says, don't answer his calls, period. Tell him nothing, just do what you got do for you.

Or stay dumped and punked! No this is NOT complicated.

Homegirl 50 · Aug 24, 2013, 06:48 AM

It's only complicated for you because you don't like the yo yo game. Block his calls. Don't communicate with him at all. He is playing you and will continue to do so as long as you let him.

ilovex_12 · Aug 24, 2013, 06:52 AM

I never said it was complicated he told me he misses me but its complicated I want to move on but I don't want to let go

talaniman · Aug 24, 2013, 07:01 AM

Inability to make a decision will just keep you stuck. I know, we all wish we could be undumped, but it seldom works that way.

Make a decision and follow through with it.