[sokhrman]

So here's a quick background: Girl and I hit things off summer after sophomore year of college. I was crazy about her and she had a crush (which I didn't know at the time) but because of studying abroad, etc, the timing never worked out during college (we both had other relationships but she was always there, deep down in the back of my mind). I was crazy about this girl because we remained friends and then after graduation things kind of went into the background for me and I was happily distracted etc. I didn't think I'd ever see or have to worry about it again although I would always remember the magic we had and deep down always kind of hoped it would somehow work out. I was living in DC and she in FL so seeing her wasn't a problem. The military kindly moved me out to Colorado (again I went with no thought of her). I was fine for about 6 months after graduation and we didn't really talk but one day she messaged me that she wanted to come visit in CO (! ) because we had been good friends in college and she thought CO would be a cool place to visit (you'll have to trust me here that she had no romantic intentions at this point... just accept that and keep going). So anyway she visited and I did work a little magic (scheduled a romantic stay at the ski resort, was really sweet, etc). We kissed (and of course my feelings were already accelerating to a Million mph at this point) and then she left. The next week we started chatting a lot and she asked me out (because she knew I already wanted to date her).

Here's where things get troublesome. So basically here I was happily dating the girl of my dreams and although she has been into me in the past, she's nowhere near my level. Naturally I begin showing more and more feelings because I've got them already (stupid me). And basically over the past 6 months of dating (she ended things yesterday) she's never felt a chase because I came on too strong. I expressed my honest feelings and all, but those included things like I've loved you for the past 3 years, etc. I know it sounds foolish now since only a 6-mo relationship isn't that long at all, and hindsight is 20/20.

She ended things basically because: she said she wasn't feeling the fire (I think this is because I was too easy for her to get). She said I was an angel 99% of the time and I really do think I loved her wonderfully. I was a great boyfriend and all, I just think I was too upfront with my super serious feelings which kind of put her fire out. I like to think of it this way: when you're starting a fire from a small spark, you can't blow too hard or you'll put it out. You have to blow on the embers slowly gradually increasing until the fire's big enough that no matter how hard you blow, nothing can stop the flame. I blew too hard too fast!

My problem: I'm still madly in love with her and I don't want to give up but I also know the dilemma I'm in. I can't try strongly again because that'll do no good. During our dating, we booked many trips together to save $$ by booking ahead of time. We've got things booked up to Thanksgiving (either her visiting me here or me visiting her and her family there). I am trying to think of some magic that'll be able to spark things again. My only thought was if I can ask her nicely to try to come to CO in 2 weekends (that's the next booked trip) and slow play her all weekend. Be sweet but almost take it from square 1 where we aren't dating, I don't tell her anything about how I feel but I only show her that we can have fun together and make her spark reignite.

Any help would be greatly appreciated!

[N0help4u]

You put all your cards on the table and scared her off. So yes the only thing you can do is apologize and ask for that 2nd chance, BUT DO NOT slow play her just be a friend -genuine friend ONLY.

[Jake2008]

The two of you sure seem compatible, and as she said, she likes 99% of you.

But, I wonder about people like her to run away when things get serious, instead of talking about it. She could have been honest with you and said you're coming on too strong, let's take things slowly and see what happens.

But she ran.

I think that before you even said a word, she was quite sure you were crazy about her.

Had you posted instead that you didn't know what to do, or how to express how you felt about her, many would have advised you to just tell her, because how would you ever know otherwise. So in a way, doing what you did, was more honest than wrong, and her reaction was strange in my opinion. She could have initiated conversation at any time to see how you felt about her as well.

I don't think you have anything to apologize for. But, at this stage of the game, I agree that the next move, if there is one, has to be hers. Let her take the initiative, and make the phone calls, and take the first steps toward more than a friendship.

Had you not said what you did, you would still be wondering to this day if she felt the same. But, now knowing, consider too that nothing may ever come of staying in touch with her, and it may be easier for you to eventually cut your losses and move on.

[N0help4u]

True he really doesn't have to apologize for anything, sometimes apologizing for something that wasn't really a wrong opens communication better. Yes really it is up to her to make the next move.

[Oliver2011]

It sounds to me like you will be attempting to get her back with the same behaviors/issues that turned her off in the first place. So your chances are probably slim and none.

You put yourself out there and got burned. It happens to all of us and all of us are forced to move on. The good thing about these experiences is that we learn from them and they hopefully make us better at relationships.

She probably wasn't ready for a deep relationship like you were. Unfortunately it takes 2 to have a relationship so I don't think you are going to have one here. Keep yourself busy with friends, exercise, keep your mind active, and you will be able to move on. While I love Colorado having gone to Arapahoe HS in Littleton for one year, I don't think inviting her is a good idea. But utimately that is your decision.