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Strangetymes · Jul 6, 2013, 09:12 PM

We met in a chat room when I was 14. To be honest, no one believed I was 14 when I first told them. So I started telling people I was 16 online. No one takes a 14 year old seriously. I never intended to meet *anyone* from the internet so I figured lying about most of my personal life was okay. It kept me safer than telling my whole story. Anyway, when we started talking he was 19 and he said he was fine with being friends with me (we flirted a little) because he thought I was mature for my age. I told him I was 16. I tried to avoid telling him the truth by telling him that I didn't want a relationship right now and that I didn't want to get hurt. He told me that it's too late and I should have said it earlier if I didn't want to hurt him. So I ended up staying and getting more wrapped up in the lie.

We've been together about 6 months now, I really do believe that I'm in love but what do I know? I'm only 15. He says he is in love. We're both Christian (which makes this worse.) Right now, he has just left for Basic Training for the Army. A month ago, he told me that he thought about cheating on me because his sexual desire was so strong and he got driven so far as to ask other girls to meet up. He never did anything and he prayed, etc and eventually asked me for forgiveness. This gives me a little hope that he would forgive me instead of leaving me. Because I know that he would still love me but since I broke his heart, he would never give me another chance.

We've met a few times, both had gone very well and we felt the same plus a thousand as we do when we talk on the phone. My point is, he thinks I'm 17. But I'm 15. He thinks I'm a Junior, but I'm a Sophomore. He thinks that I'll be able to move down to live by him next year, but I won't. Since he's away, the only way I can tell him is in a letter. I don't want to lose him but I know I need to tell him.

Please help me build the courage to tell him? Any advice or encouragement would be greatly appreciated.

teacherjenn4 · Jul 6, 2013, 09:16 PM

You need to tell him now. You have lied for way too long.

odinn7 · Jul 6, 2013, 10:19 PM

When you play games like this you're not hurting yourself... you're only hurting the other person. You lie and it just keeps getting worse and now look... you need to act grown up now since you're pretending to be all mature... you need to tell him and face whatever happens.

Wondergirl · Jul 6, 2013, 10:49 PM

I wonder if she should wait until after he finishes Basic Training. That information will be a low blow to him. Isn't Basic about 6-8 weeks long and then he gets a break?

odinn7 · Jul 6, 2013, 11:42 PM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

I wonder if she should wait until after he finishes Basic Training. That information will be a low blow to him. Isn't Basic about 6-8 weeks long and then he gets a break?

I would prefer to know now I think. I mean, here I am in basic training thinking I have someone nice to go back to and then I get out and... wham... now I find out she's a liar and has been deceiving me... now I'm depressed and don't know what to do with myself.

Or...

Here I am in basic training thinking I have someone nice to go back to but then she tells me she's a liar and has been deceiving me. Sure, I'm depressed for a bit but I'm in basic so I have much to do and can keep my mind occupied so I don't have to think about a liar that deceived me for her own benefit. By the time I get out of basic, I should be pretty much over her.

See how I reasoned that out?

Wondergirl · Jul 6, 2013, 11:46 PM

Originally Posted by odinn7

See how I reasoned that out?

Your second scenario makes a lot of sense. (The first does too, but I especially like the second one.)

joypulv · Jul 7, 2013, 12:02 AM

'He... eventually asked me for forgiveness. This gives me a little hope that he would forgive me instead of leaving me. Because I know that he would still love me but since I broke his heart, he would never give me another chance.'

You are afraid to tell him because you don't want to lose him. How selfish can someone be? Where's your concern for HIM? You should be apologizing only, not asking for forgiveness. That's for him to decide. If he dumps you, take responsibility for lying. And don't make any more excuses about why you lied. If you call yourself Christian, act like one.

ScottGem · Jul 7, 2013, 04:59 AM

A month ago, he told me that he thought about cheating on me because his sexual desire was so strong

Which means he wants to have sex with you. And you are jail bait. He could go to jail if he does. So yes you need to tell him right away.

N0help4u · Jul 7, 2013, 06:09 AM

Yeesh you haven't even met yet, or did I miss that part? Then he's going to the Army, so how long until you can actually BE together. By then you might be 16 and maybe old enough depending on your state law. Right now him going to basic training he needs some moral support. Be there for him as an online friend. Tone it down with the bf/gf stuff and wait until you can actually spend a few days together

talaniman · Jul 7, 2013, 09:05 AM

The longer the lies continue the worse the truth will hurt. Any relationship built on lies cannot last, and be healthy, or happy.

The price you pay for lying is steep indeed, so tell the truth and accept responsibility for the lies you have told.

N0help4u · Jul 7, 2013, 12:50 PM

You need to bring it up. You need to tell him that you have something important to tell him and you had your reasons for what you did at the time and you will explain and since you have let things get this far you need to stop and straighten it out before you go any further and you hope he can handle your telling him and that you hope he will work on adjustments that need to be made over this rather than giving up on you.

K I see you can't let this go you do need t o clear the air asap.